Evening all. Bit of a back story, will try not to make it too long. Met now ex on a dating site after what I now realise was a 4 year situationship and another guy who although did me no emotional damage made me question exactly what it is that I want. Long story short I realised that the guy I met was a classic narcissist and I had fallen for it hook line and sinker. Seriously, he could have written the manual. We split after I saw exactly what he is and he tried desperately to do the discard phase asap. I was happy to walk. Obviously tried the hoovering but I was done. I later found out I was pregnant, it was stupidity on my part (me not worrying when I missed a couple of pills as I'm older) When I contacted him saying we need to talk he obviously thought his efforts getting me back had worked. I gave him the get out, told him I'd happily bring the baby up without his involvement, knowing full well he didn't actually want to be with me, I was just the latest supply. He said he'd support me and his family are just the most lovely people going so gave him the benefit of the doubt and kept in touch. Found out at 10 weeks that I'd had a missed miscarriage, emotions all over the place, I don't have children and it was something I'd disregarded as I passed 40 so having come to terms with things I then had to come to terms with the loss. He was there for me in person but not emotionally at all. I had a nightmare where I had to have a 2nd dose of misoprostol as the first didn't work. While I was in agony passing our baby he sat on his phone. Then left me on the sofa, went to bed and came downstairs at 2:30pm the following day vaguely asking if I was ok, no emotion, nothing. I'd been worried about passing out as I have low blood pressure, he said I should have woke him. Fair enough but can anyone sleep that soundly when they're supposed to be taking care of someone? I knew I had to get him out of my life for good. He left 2 days later (slept the majority of his time with me) and has occasionally sent a hope you're ok message. Don't know why but I find that so infuriating, almost like a stupid message will help me, he had the chance to do that in person and didn't. Never even made me so much as a drink while he was here. I've told him I need a break from his messages and moved them to my spam folder. Question is why I'm finding it so hard to not communicate with him now when before I walked away head held high seeing him for what he is? Doesn't help that I've fallen out with a friend after a night out, she said some unforgivable things and isn't the person I thought she was, but I miss the laughs and support.
I'm on day 5 of no contact, could do with some support, others trying their best not to get in touch with someone they know is bad for them, or a kick up the bum to help me snap out of it