Tell me to chill…

[FourPostBed]

Ugh. Old enough to know better but been divorced around 5y, had a (not very satisfying) relationship that affected my self esteem and today a first date with a lovely guy!

Went for a walk and lunch, chat was non stop, totally fancied him and when we said goodbye had really nice kiss.
He said it was a really nice surprise (the kiss) and wanted to see me again.

But, he’s not texted me since (6pm) and I’m now wondering if I shouldn’t have kissed him on our first date 🙄
If he’s interested would he have texted to say so?
I’ve had a few tinder dates and just said a breezy cheerio at the end (not interested) so kind of hopeful about this one x

@WakeuptoCake

Oh no don’t text first op 🤦‍♀️Google all the mumsnet threads where the woman is texting and chasing in the early days ( and lots of posters encouraging) always end up not working. Ones asking shall I text first etc Also this is my experience in dating. Not sure why but just see it time and again. You’ll get all the ‘it’s not the 1950s’ etc but in dating it just is different. He might respond but will expect you to be the one proactively texting him going forward as you’ve set the tone now.

This is nonsense.

The reason that the negative ones are all you see is because the ones that work out well are too busy enjoying their relationship-of-equal-standing to post about it on MN.

Decent people ensure that there's a balance in communication, and don't let their partners do all the initiating, regardless of the playground decision of 'who texts firsts', which, in terms of maturity, is in line with 'she started it!' during a disagreement.

Sorry it didn't work out with this guy, OP, but don't move forward into dating others with the view that men should be doing one thing, and women another. Any fool can see where that's likely to end up.

Oh, shame! Sounds like a halfway decent guy, too - with manners!
But yes, the other guy was a weirdo.

@TheFoundations This is my experience and many others. Please don’t call it nonsense because it’s not your view. I could call your view nonsense but I realise everyone has different views and it’s for the op to decide. You are rude on threads sometimes and it’s not on.
Again this thread has shown that he didn’t text after the date - so wasn’t interested. Yes, the op found out more quickly by messaging first but it’s never nice to get a ‘ no thanks text’ At least he was upfront quickly, some might string it out in the hope of sex at least.
You can quickly weed these time wasters out by letting them put the initial effort in and saving yourself from drawn out rejection. Time wasters won’t bother making any effort.
Op hoping you find someone who makes this effort and is honest at the end of a date if not interested. You sound lovely

I agree with not texting. I think if a guy is interested, you know. if he was he would have texted that evening, the fact that he didn't speaks volumes.
At least by texting you know now he wasn't interested for sure so you can move on and not waste anymore time on him
Disappointing for sure
I seem to be very old fashioned but pre relationship I always think it is best to leave the guy do the chasing. People only seem to value what they have to work hard for

So if she didn’t text what was going to happen? She would just sit there waiting and waiting to hear only to be ghosted? ( so living in hopes for a few days at least wondering if he’s lost his phone) Or is the idea that he would be so intrigued by her coolness that he would be tripping over himself to see her again? In my view a man who is only interested when you’re NOT ( whether acting or not ) is low status. If you can’t be yourself , if you have to play games, if you can’t say what’s on your mind I’m not interested. The right man will be happy to hear from you. ( one of the nicest comments I ever had was a BF who said his favourite phrase was “ Divebar is typing “ ) Someone out there will be happy to hear from you Op.

Lots of people, men and women, enjoy the dating stage and wondering if someone likes them. If you lay it all on a plate there’s no chance to wonder how the other person feels. There’s no chance to miss the other person. Wonder what they are up to etc
Dating is different to being a bf or in a relationship. You have plenty of time to be yourself but not with a stranger you hardly know - if you can’t help yourself and over text and get too intense too early and leave no mystery at all

I agree with @Wakeuptocake sadly my experience has also been if you have to chase and initiate texting they're not interested, and you do see it here on threads all the time. I've done it and learnt not to any more for my own peace of mind.

@Mermaidwaves

I agree with *@Wakeuptocake* sadly my experience has also been if you have to chase and initiate texting they're not interested, and you do see it here on threads all the time. I've done it and learnt not to any more for my own peace of mind.

My point was that this is not the only experience people have, and those who have a different experience don't come back and report that they're happy, so 'what you see on threads all the time' is a skewed perception, which gives an overly negative impression.

I do wonder if people think that MN is an accurate cross section of public opinion. It's not. People post on forums when they're unhappy about something. Happy people don't post threads about 'My partner just did this really lovely thing for me, and it's made me feel happy. Am I being unreasonable?'

@TheFoundations of course people would come and update if it was good news. These threads are started with no knowledge of the outcome??
So there’s surely a 50/50 chance of a positive or negative one if what you say is true.
The fact is nearly all the threads end with rejection for the op. So I think that says says it all

Assuming that if it's not happening on MN, it's not happening in the real world, is something of a limited view.

Never mind.

I dont think the majority of people posting here think that MN is representative of the real world only, not sure where you get that impression? A lot of people post about their own experiences too and situations they've themselves been in.

@TheFoundations

Assuming that if it's not happening on MN, it's not happening in the real world, is something of a limited view.

Never mind.

What you’re saying is that mn doesn’t reflect real life because this is a forum for people with issues mainly. However, what I’m saying is that the threads about texting someone aren’t the same. They are not someone in the throes of some relationship issue. It’s someone who’s been on a couple of dates and are hopeful and positive - just like anyone in real life. However, 90% of the threads end up with rejection. I do think this is reflective of real life ( which I’ve experienced myself and through friends and family doing this texting chasing activity with men) You’re trying to suggest it’s only happening in the negative bad dating/relationship world of mn. I disagree