Does the bitterness ever go?!

[TurnUpTurnip]

I hate my ex, I can’t let go of the anger and bitterness and resentment I feel towards him, it’s making me feel like an angry and bitter person but I just can’t let go of it? When does it go? Does it ever? It’s been nearly 5 years since we split!

I think circumstances do count for alot, OP. Some single parents have good financial circumstances, ex and family and social support, are healthy themselves and have easy-to-care-for children and just add joy to their lives in every way. I think it is understandable how truly difficult it can get when all or most of those factors are not present, then the struggle begins .... Its difficult I think also because other people don't really know how to handle that level of difficulty and also we don't always know how to share our distress, assuming we even want to which we probably don't. There are no easy answers, or we may have to find them for ourselves with great struggle. Perhaps getting it down on your thread may at least have helped you in some small way. Life can be very tough.Take care .

@NovemberNovemberDarkNights

Cheeky's posts are a bit hard to read, but are actually good

LOL thank you for the appreciation and I'll work on the readability.

I feel like my life is over, I will most likely be caring for my daughter for the rest of my life, as selfish as that sounds It is hard to think about, I have no family support, I can’t use baby sitters, it’s not possible with my daughter and I never get a day off the only time I have to myself is when they are at school and in that time I’m so exhausted, I am struggling to take my children out on my own as it’s too hard and we only go to school and back, I spend most weekends sat in the house as I can’t take them out on my own, I don’t have the energy to do anything

I feel so bad for your exhaustion, it sounds really really challenging and like you're doing well under really difficult circumstances.

If it helps you move towards letting go, making a decision to release your anger towards your ex will ultimately reduce the exhaustion you feel.

Anger generates energy within your body. It's kind of like caffeine in that way. You get a hit, and it powers you on for a while, but it also comes with negative side effects of jitteriness, a bitter taste in your mouth, a feeling of dependence on the substance to keep going.

If you quit drinking coffee, you will definitely have a few days or even weeks afterwards when you feel really flat, lacking energy and focus, while your body adjusts to the new reaction of no 'quick hit'. But you will adjust over time and find a new, healthier rhythm, and better habits to improve your energy (like getting more sleep, exercising etc).

In the same way, if you decide to go 'cold turkey' on thinking about your ex and feeling angry, for a while afterwards you will probably feel flat and confused and empty, like you don't quite know what to do with yourself.

The key is to identify when you tend to feel angry at your ex (is it when the kids are asleep and you have time to yourself to think? While you are struggling with managing them and need a 'hit' of energy to cope?) and replace those angry thoughts with empowering ones that build you up emotionally instead.

So instead of "He's such a fuckwit, leaving me to battle with my kids' needs by myself", try "My kid is having such a hard time through no fault of her own, and having a strong, loving person like me to help her with her challenges is going to be so good for her over time."

Or instead of "I have nobody, I'm so lonely sitting here by myself because that asshole abandoned me", try "This time now is completely for me to use to benefit myself... I can read whatever I want, soak in the bath, make new friends online, explore an interest, paint my toenails – any small thing that makes me feel good and as though I am caring for myself and treating myself with love."

[quote CheekyHobson]@NovemberNovemberDarkNights

Cheeky's posts are a bit hard to read, but are actually good

LOL thank you for the appreciation and I'll work on the readability.[/quote]
@CheekyHobson

I didn't mean your posts weren't worded well, not at all, 'hard to read' as in sometimes the truth hurts! Or is hard to accept!

@NovemberNovemberDarkNights

I didn't mean your posts weren't worded well, not at all, 'hard to read' as in sometimes the truth hurts! Or is hard to accept!

Oh, well that is even kinder, so thank you!

In terms of certain realities being hard to accept, I learned this from tough experience, so these days I generally post in the hope that sharing what I've learned will save someone else from going through it the hard way.

@CheekyHobson

Sorry you learnt the hard way!

Do you work in this line of things? If not and you want a career change, you should definitely consider it!!

@NovemberNovemberDarkNights

Thank you again... I work in the publishing field but my specialisation is pretty different... though I guess in the broadest sense it's about understanding systems and dynamics, just not in regard to people!

When my DS was younger I didnt feel bitter. I was still young and thought I had options. I became bitter when he was an adult. How it was me doing everything, funding everything and I would have been in a better place financially if he had paid child support.

I know hes some feeble old man now but I'm bitter that he had that time and money.