I always feel pissed off lately

[MrsSnape]

I dont know if its because christmas is around the corner or what but I feel so fed up lately.

I'm on my own with 2 children so everyday is the same. Get up, go to school, come home, tidy up, pick kids up, make tea, get them in bed then sit on my own all night.

I feel like nobody cares too. Yesterday for instance my mum and stepdad were going around to peoples houses dropping stuff off for christmas and they came to mine, stayed 5 minutes without taking off coats and then left as they always do. Then they went to my grandmas for the same reason and stayed all afternoon.

They always do that though. If I phone my mum gets pissed off if its during coronation street or jeremy kyle. Nobody else in the family phone me yet always whinge that I never go down to see them.

I'm sick of being on my own but I dont want anyone yet, I'm not happy with myself and I dont want to make the mistake of getting with someone when I still have "issues" again. I know the first thing I need to do is get a job, mainly for the social side but also for money but I cant find one. Nobody will employ me as I have no experience. I've done the college courses etc and they've not helped so far.

I have people taking the piss out of me right, left and centre. I had my hair done on friday and my "friend" looked, grinned and turned her hair away before "hair looks nice" but I'm used to her doing this now, still pisses me off though, she did it when I was dressed up for a job interview once so I ended up going thinking I looked stupid.

I just feel so feb up, I crave some good company but everytime I speak to someone lately they end up pissing me off. I want a job so much and it depresses me that I'm stuck on benefits like this despite trying. and like I said, nobody gives a shit. I have nobody to talk to.

Yes you do - even if we're only here via the medium of cyberspace.

I feel for you and this time of year is far worse (I remember).

Are there any support groups in your area for single mums, meeting people in the same boat can be invaluable.

Thanks

I dont think there are, I went on a "training course" recently for single parents and was surrounded by gobby women who had no intention of getting a job, they seemed happy to be on benefits and were using the course as a way of getting an extra £15 a week and then to top it off, I was treat like crap by the people involved and came away feeling worse than when I'd started.

I was constantly reffered to as "the job centre trainee" even though I was supposed to be treat like an equal employee and would turn up to work to have one of them say "oh, er...what can we do with you today..." and then they'd all start giggling between themselves as if I was a toy on hire.

I felt like shit and again nobody understood. My family kept saying stuff like "not easy is it, working...we said you wouldnt like it" but it wasn't the work (or lack of) it was the way I was treat and again I came home each night and sat in front of the TV with nobody to talk to. Nobody to ask for support.

YOu can talk to me as well MrsSnape. I'm a single mum too and I knoow how tough it is. You can rant away here to your hearts content!

One thing that does occur..have you told your family how you feel? Obviously I'm not aware of how your family 'works' but is it possible that they simply don't realise how bad things are for you.

thanks

I dont think they do realise but they're not the kind of family you can talk to. My mum just never listens to anything I say no matter what it's about.

I feel trapped. Everytime I search for work I am faced with "must have at least x years experience" and I feel like I'm never going to find work and until I'm working I'll never find another relationship and I hate being on my own, its been 3 years now which I know isnt long to some people but considering the relationship with my kids father was non existant for around 5 years before that its been a while (if ever) that I've ever had a man truely care about me.

That sounds awful MS and a typical example of the 'single mum on benefit, let's tar everyone with the same brush' mentality..........which is so degrading when you are trying to get some work .

How old are you? Whereabouts in the country do you live?

There are jobs out there without needing experience although they may not be the jobs you want at the money you'd like. Don't forget the tax credit's are great now if you are on a low income and it is much easier to get a job once you have a job; have you tried temping?

You've been managing on your own for 3 years? I think that's bloody amazing actually!!

Good suggestions there from Wisteria. What sort of jobs ARE available in your area?

I'm in East Yorkshire.

I suppose I'm looking at the wrong time of year but I've just looked on fish4jobs and there were 3 pages and no no jobs I couldve gone for due to experience.

I'm after any type of work really apart from factory work (been there, done that, burnt the t-shirt!) and I dont mind about the money because as you say, tax credits top that up anyway.

I'm going to try asda and tesco in the new year as well as some agencies.

I worked at Sainsburys for a bit whilst my dcs were young and it was fine.

Look at registering with some temping agencies, it's a foot in the door and can often lead to other things; I wouldn't bother with the internet job search engines tbh.

What did you do before you had dcs and what quals have you got, if any?

Temping agencies are definitely a good way to get started.

There's a lot of admin type stuff that you can do (for example) that doesn't require vast amounts of experience.

Must be the case cos there's a couple of school leavers in my office doing admin work!

What kind of college courses have you done? And how old are you?

mrs snape you can talk to me also.
im in the same boat although i only split up with dh 2 months ago but i have felt "single" even though i was with him for a long time.

do you have any friendly neighbours you could talk to?

its so hard isnt it, i am the same bored bored bored sick of tidying toys away, i have recently started going out (am going out tonight actually) and having a laugh with the girls, is there anyone you could go out with?

i find MN brilliant, i feel part of a community and that i have friends on here.

xmas is a hard time especially when you are on your own and i really feel for you.

I have done my RSA word processing and text production upto level 3 so I should be able to get an admin job somewhere...I really want to work for the police or NHS but I appreciate I'll have to do other stuff first to gain the experience.

I had my children very young (18 with my eldest) so I didnt do much before then apart from factory work which I really couldnt face going back to. I'd do anything else though. I'm 26 now.

Jenk1, thanks for your reply. I dont have any friends well I have 1 but we dont go out or anything, more like "school yard conversation buddies".

I'm going out tomorow night which I'm looking fowards to but its very very rare usually. This is another reason I want to find a job, just to make some friends and get some kind of a social life.

MrsS - are there any other mn in your area who you could get together with for a coffee?

Whereabouts in East Yorkshire are you?

Hi Mrs S.

Am another single parent here - been doing it 5 yrs, been to uni and now waiting to see if I've got my post-grad course lined up or not.

I can totally see where you are coming from re: noone understanding. My sister has a friend who is single with 2 kids and NOTHING goes wrong for her with benefits, so if they screw my money, I'm always greeted with "but S does x y z and that doesn't happen"...

It is so annoying not having people to actually chat to (like mates do). I think my mother is sick of me calling for "no reason"; sometimes I just need to hear another voice

Have you got msn or the like? would that help the evening lonlines?

I'm on Notts/ Derbyshire border - bit far for coffee, but maybe meet up at Meadowhell Meadowhall one day!?

I made friends at a Pilates class and at toddler groups when mine were younger. What about getting involved at school on PTA now yours are older? I was a young Mum too and I think you can very often feel isolated without supportive family but there are loads of people in similar situs out there.

MrsSnape, even if you feel you are not qualified, still apply. Get your cv looking superb, and just apply. At the very least, you will get practice in applying for jobs, interviews, etc. You can go to nextstep if you need help with your cv, and they may even do mock interviews.

Regarding your training, if they are not taking it seriously, that doesn't mean that YOU shouldn't. If you are still there, decide each day/ week what you would like to learn, or have responsibility for. Get as much from it as you can.

I don't know how much training/education you have, but check out your local college - many have a "Get Qualified" or "Access" courses that can get you to Uni if you wish. You should be able to talk to the Career Advisors at the college.

As for how you are feeling, try and focus on the positive. When you focus on the negative, you see more negative. Break out of that cycle, and just try and focus on one thing a day that is positive about yourself. Start small if you have to, but start!

Good Luck

Forgot to say - VOLUNTEER!!!!!!

There are all sorts of homeless shelters, old peoples homes, whatever, places where there is alot going on, you can have fun, feel useful, gain experience and confidence.

Good Luck