Facing being single with 2 small children

[Keeva2017]

Ok so I’m coming to the realisation that my relationship is on the way out. I might be wrong, it might be a blip, but I’m rounding up those fluffy fuckers (ducks) just in case.

Iv read stories along the lines of “so glad I left, found my amazing partner” and they are nice to read, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not desperate to line up the next one any time soon. But I’m 35 and the thought that il spend the rest of my life alone scares me.

The problem is I’m equally scared at the thought of meeting someone new one day and navigating the fact that I have 2 small humans who, despite the fact I am the obviously shit, lacking in maternal instincts mum in the playground, mean the bloody world to me. The thought of the lack of potential lack of stability for them scares me. I just don’t think I can do it.

So basically I’m asking for your experiences of moving on with small children and how it worked out for you?

I'm separated from my husband and have been for 6 months. Got dd12 dd3 and baby dd and honestly its nowhere near as hard as I expected. FAR easier than living with an alcoholic was. In a lot of ways I love it to be honest.

I wont be dating for maybe 10 years or so now- Dd13 has had one stepdad and thats enough - not subjecting her to a parade of them. But its honestly fine being single.

I was 38 and had 3 kids when i got rid of exh. Met my now husband quickly after all this and I had NO intentions of ever going there again 13 years with the ex almost finished me off. We have been married for 18 years now. Bit bumpy through the teenage years with 1 of my sons but now they are back to getting on fine.
Best thing I ever did.

I was early 40s, 2 dc, 2 and 7, met my now dh 4 years later.

I could never say it was easy, but it was much better than staying in a dead marriage.

As a single mum my worries are different (mostly money based) but my life changed from living one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other until I died to a life full of hope, dreams and affection, and still is. My years as a divorced woman have been the most difficult if my life but also the happiest ones by far.

Divorced at 41, one infant, one 5 year old. Single for a while to sort my head out, and working hard in my business. Dated a few frogs, but became confidently and happily single. Currently seeing someone who turned up in my life when I wasn't looking. One year on, we are doing ok. It is not all hearts and flowers, but is a positive life event for me. Never want to marry or live with anyone again. Single parenthood can be rewarding, if hard work. Never stay in a relationship that is not working, it is not worth it.

Exh cheared on me and left when I was 36. Had a 7 year old and 4 year old, one of whom was afterwards diagnosed with adhd, pretty sure the other one has it too.

I had great fun dating. No real horror stories and a couple of chaps I'm still friends with. Was only intending to go out for drinks and a laugh. But accidentally fell head over heels madly in love with a younger man and we've been together nearly 2 years now. He's awesome with the kids who are v fond of him and my ex has actually stepped up and is far more involved than he ever was when he lived with us. We're all happier now. Honestly.

But it was a complete fluke.

I wouldn’t even think about meeting someone yet! I’m a single mum to 4 I can’t actually date as my ex isn’t involved and they are with me every day so no dating for me, it’s been 5 years, I would just think about staying single for a while tbh there is no rush to get back out there, dating with children is hard even if you do get free time especially small children.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I know I’m putting the cart before the horse really. I think I’m trying to rationalise and address all the barriers that my head is putting in place to stop me taking the next step and leaving this relationship.

It’s almost like this relationship isn’t terrible so is it worth dealing with practical fall out, the emotional fallout and then trying to figure out if life even looks better on the other side.

I split from xh 12 years ago when I was mid 30s, DC was 4. Remained single through choice, I am not the kind of person who needs company or support so single suits me. I have been (once the shouting stopped and things were ironed out) very happy and wish I had known how happy, so I could have been less scared when it all went pear shaped.