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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why can't I get over him?! Long post & possible TW

3 replies

Bear45 · 27/11/2021 20:40

I split up with my ex in April, it was an awful and traumatic breakup. We had been through his grandad killing himself and seeing him and didn't cope well with it all so after a massive argument and some awful words we split up and he moved out.
We worked together so still saw each other every day which was painful, some days we'd get on like nothing happened others we were hating each other again.
The physical attraction was still there's bf we'd flirt and mess about and we slept together a couple of times, the last time I fell pregnant.
I told him as soon as I found out and he didn't take it well, wanted me to (in his words) 'kill it' and threatened to kill him self if I carried on with the pregnancy and I would be ruining the lives of my 2 older children.
I ordered the termination pills, sat on my own in my room willing myself to take them so that I didn't ruin anything else between me and him but instead I sat crying, terrified.
I couldn't do it.
When I told him he said he was disappointed in me, I'm being immature and don't deserve to be carrying his grandfathers great grandchild child.
After this work became awful, his dirty looks and silent treatment broke my heart everyday.
Even after everything, the arguing, how he's treated me, what he's said, everything!
I still think about him constantly and worry about him all the time.
Why after everything can I not get over him??
Not sure anyone can answer but just needed to get all of this out

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 27/11/2021 20:43

It is much easier to get over someone if you go no contact. You need to prioritise finding another job.

You also need to make the decision about the pregnancy based on what you want and as if you will be a single parent, not about keeping him in your life.

Wishing you all the best

Bear45 · 27/11/2021 20:47

@Rainbowqueeen

It is much easier to get over someone if you go no contact. You need to prioritise finding another job. You also need to make the decision about the pregnancy based on what you want and as if you will be a single parent, not about keeping him in your life. Wishing you all the best
Forgot to say he handed his notice in last week and finished on Friday, so I'm going for no contact from now. I think that's what's made it all more real. I'm keeping the baby, I'm in a good place to raise a child even if I'm on my own. I've got an amazing family, secure house and I know I'm strong enough for it. I just don't understand why after he's been horrible do I still care?
OP posts:
rrf · 28/11/2021 09:57

Because you think the way he is acting is out of character, and you are hoping to get the 'old him' back.
Please don't become a 'fixer' for this guy. He is not worth it. Look after yourself x

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