Realistically will I find love now?

[Desertty]

Obviously nobody can answer that definitely.

38 in a few months. I think I’ve loved and been in love before but this was many years ago now. The last few years have been total rubbish, shitty relationships.

It feels fucking awful.

Met my OH at 37. My best friend got married this year and she’s 43.

If you’re open to it then someone will come along. I honestly felt like I was going to be single forever and accepted it then boom, there he was.

Until you have that moment enjoy your life as it is.

@TextureWool

Another word of warning - single women after late 30s can see even the most unpromising and creepy men as exciting possibles, because of the sense of desperation and "will" to make things work like they see for others. Don't let that happen to you OP.

I think this is more common in attached couples. Look at this board… the amount of crap women put up with from their partners is astounding but they fear being alone or starting again.

If you’ve found happiness being single you’d never put up with it.

I'm 36 and just got married last month. We met two and a half years ago and we've been together just over two years. He's 45. So I'd say yes it can definitely happen and you have plenty of time!

(I know you also asked about how people met and we were introduced through mutual friends and became friends first.)

You could be around another 60 years so I don't see why not.

Finding love is just a nice thing in life that can happen though. One thing amongst many. Don't make it the focus of your life.

Maybe you'll travel the world. Maybe you'll get rich. Maybe you'll become famous. Maybe you'll foster children. Maybe you'll but a horse and become an award winning show jumper. There are so many amazing possibilities. Not all will come to pass for everyone but that doesn't mean that life can't still be beautiful.

Find other dreams and perhaps love will show up along the way.

I’d try and explore why the last relationships were so shitty
I think finding love is eminently possible

But you might want to explore deeper why you are only meeting horrible men

I’d stop dating , pause and look into this
What patterns are there ?

You honestly will but you have to be brave and try new things where you meet new people. Don't rigidly decide you want to meet someone of a particular 'type,' see who you end up clicking with and go from there. I met my DP when I was 34 through online gaming. Madness to think about it after blundering around for the previous 15 years getting with wronguns.

My DH met me through a shared hobby we did.
He never had a girlfriend or even went on a single date in 43 years before he met me.
We were friends for a year or 2 before I agreed to go out with him (I thought there must be something odd about him, so was v wary). He’s 46 now and we’re married. I’d had lots of relationships before him, but none of them right. I’m 40.

My brother turned 38 single. We worked in the same place. I knew there was a woman that I was friends with at work who perfect for him. We all went on a work party and I went with dbro, got them talking and left them to it. They were engaged within the year, married in 2 and now have 2 gorgeous kids.

I left my shitty marriage at 35. At almost 38 I went to visit my best friend. I walked into the kitchen and her brother (who hadn't ever met) was staying. We said hello and when he smiled I knew I wanted to be with him. 4 weeks later we got together. 4 years later we live together and are very happy. No kids for us though as he doesn't want and I have 2.

It can happen at anytime.

I’m sorry OP.

Late thirties is a tricky time to find love, with so many people recently settled down, but I do think there is a bit of a ‘second wave’ in early forties, lots of people that age I know are getting divorced (not cheating just fed up of each other) and in a weird way that does mean more people looking for love in forties than in thirties.

I do wonder if internet dating is the way to go. I’d suggest you start creating the life you want to live and see if anyone turns up to join you. So make that cosy home, join social stuff that’s more grown-up than pubs. Tennis club, local volunteer groups, church, board games club, whatever your thing is… Perhaps you will meet someone, perhaps not, but maybe try looking in different places. And it’s all half-chance…

Good luck xx

I think you’re misunderstanding me Grooves. I’m not talking about happily single. I’m talking about feeling desperate and starting relationships with men who are dodgy for the sake of having a relationship. Some real creepy or unsuitable men can turn up in this scenario. Hopefully OP will keep her values and self-respect high and avoid these types.

As for what you say about couples who stay together when it’s a nightmare, I’ve never understood that except I can see as an older woman (say late 50s and 60s onwards) I can see how it might really feel hard to start again, especially if completely alone.

Not sure why everyone is convinced the OP WILL definitely meet someone just because they did! Who can possibly know.