I feel horribly, horribly alone, has anyone been in this situation and is able to offer advice

[Givenupss]

At 37, my relationship ended in august. I’ll be 38 in June.

I don’t know what to do. Having a family alone isn’t something I want. I’ve looked into it and considered it but it’s just not something I want to do. I know this leaves me probably being alone always and without a family.

I just feel so low. I desperately want a relationship and it’s not that I don’t have interest from men but I’ve not met that right person. I thought my ex was the right one after a string of shitty relationships and since then I’ve had lots of therapy, I’ve tried to keep up exercise, focus on work, see friends. I’ve travelled. I’ve dated. I don’t think I’m picky with men but I don’t want to just force myself to like someone despite there being people who apparently seem interested in me…I don’t feel the same even after a few dates and giving it a real go.

I’ve got a house and a job and some family near ish maybe an hour or so away. I’m so so so so unhappy. I go to bed every night and just think if this is how things will be from now on then I don’t want it. I can’t face it. People seem to say you have to be happy with yourself before meeting someone but honestly, I’m happy with myself but not happy with my life because I don’t actually want to live it alone. I’ve done so much alone over the years. I hate making money just for me, travelling just for me etc.

My friends are all marrried and settled, I try and make new friends but it’s not that easy.

I’m just so sad. Has anyone got through this and if so how?

I am so sorry to read that you are feeling so sad.

I was forced into living alone by the death of my OH, so it is a different sort of loneliness, as some of the things you crave have happened for me in the past.

But I do think there are some similarities. It took me a very long while to accept that I have worth on my own; that it is OK to do things just for me without regard to others; that I live in my own right, not just in the eyes of others. I do not know how I came to that situation - what pushed me on to accept a life on my own.

Have you tried OLD? It has the great virtue that your desire for the future is upfront - you are saying very clearly that you are seeking a partner - and those you meet are saying the same.

It is harder to meet a partner when student days are over and the whole pairing off bit has been done by most. You have been very unlucky - but 37 is not old - you have opportunities ahead of you. Many women have children after this age.

I find that I am happiest if I keep myself busy - a bit trite I know; but there is lots that I do that feels worthwhile.

I send you a handhold and hope that you will find a way to realise your dreams; or else to be content in what life has dealt you.

I would throw money at it and join a proper dating agency.

Ask friends and colleagues who know you well if they know anyone you can go on a date with. Be as sociable as you can, never turn down an offer of a meal or drinks etc as you never know when you might meet someone special.
I'd also join groups or take up hobbies in the hope of meeting a kindred spirit.
OLD isn't for everyone but as has been mentioned you get to be upfront about your goals and wishes for your life.
I'm sure you will find your person, just maybe try and enjoy the search

I was in a similar situation and I made dating a kind of mission. I know this is not easy during this bloody pandemic, but I honestly think it’s a numbers game. You need to get out there and plan as many dates as you can. You don’t have to be exclusive, you also don’t need to sleep with them. Just try and go out and have fun.

What dating agencies are you using? Sign up to proper paid sites where other people have declared they want marriage. What about church? My friend met her husband at church. We live in tricky times because the lockdowns have made this all so tricky

Join all the Meetup groups in your area. Walking groups.

What about a dog? I’ve got friehds who met their partners walking a dog. Evening classes too

Hey!!

I am in a virtually identical situation to you, so and for you!
The only thing slightly different is my ex and I had several failed ivf's....so while I occasionally feel a little sad about that, I have moved on and accepted it's unlikely to ever happen.

Okay, first of all do you think you could be depressed? I am on anti-depressants (have been for years), and they are an absolute life saver. My life is soooo much more balanced on them, and I hope to be on them for life!
If you could be feeling down, speak to your doctors....

Secondly, you need to get yourself onto some (paid) dating websites!! To begin with I was slightly daunted, however, some tips......
1- be harsh
2- set your stall out of what you want from the men you meet and don't compromise (tooo much )
3- be selfish and put yourself first
4- Enjoy it! There are some lovely guys out there, and there are some complete bellends! - I've never had such an active social life!

But ultimately, you need to find happiness and contentment in yourself. It's all about being positive, and being kind to yourself.

All very cliche, but all very true! xx

Why do you hate doing things just for you? Even if you were in a relationship, you still would need things of your own to enjoy, completely distinct from your relationship with your partner. As things stand, if you met a partner and were happy, then all the pressure would be on that partner to keep you happy, and so, all you would be able to have would be unhealthy, imbalanced relationships.

Why are you finding it hard to make new friends? It does take a bit of time but it's not a difficult process. Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places?

I'm sorry you are feeling so diem OP. I think that's very understandable.

Remember though it only takes one right find then life will feel very different. And it sounds like you have done everything right to seize that moment and make the most of it when that right person comes along.

If it is any comfort, my life fell apart when my husband left me when J was 38, and 18 months later, I met the most wonderful man. Four years on, now, I couldn't be happier. So it's really not impossible. I went on OLD and was very persistent and methodical - filtered through lots of duds, got good at spotting them early, didn't give up even after several duds and rejections in a row .... and found my 'right person' in about six months.

I'm wishing you lots of luck!