Single for 7 years and desperately missing a hug

[Whatawindynight]

I don’t really know why I’m posting but overnight I realised that I just want someone to touch and hold. It’s like a physical gnaw in my stomach.

Touch starvation is a thing.

Do you have any friends or family you can have a platonic hug with, in the meantime?

Do you have opportunity to date?

I have no suggestions as I'm in the same position. I sympathise as I cannot see my situation changing either. It's rubbish.

Ive been single for longer than that, had my hair done last week and the 10min wash and head massage was the longest I’ve been touched in years.

I’m trying to date but it’s not working very well.

I really don’t usually hug my friends or family. I’d look so strange

Why is the dating not working out, OP?

@Whatawindynight

I’m trying to date but it’s not working very well.

I really don’t usually hug my friends or family. I’d look so strange

Really? Just not a huggy family?

I was out on a works do last night, and I hugged/got hugged by about 4 people - just like the ten second hello/goodbye type - do you not have that sort of contact either?

Is lack of hugging coming from you and your discomfort with it, or your social circle just isn't that way?

No, never a huggy family and Covid really stopped that too.

I just can’t meet anyone. It’s really frustrating.

Why not book a really nice massage to start with. If it would feel too weird / intimate for you, you could try a 10 minute chair massage in a shopping centre or place like that where you keep your clothes on. Or a facial, that involves lots of nice stroking that feels really good!

And then try joining some groups based around hobbies / activities where you might meet new friends who could be more touchy/feely. You don’t have to just suffer, you can do something about this.

I suggest

• you try to instigate hugging in your social circle to take the edge off. I know Covid makes things awkward, but it's balance of risk/reward.

• if you have kids, try to bring them up to be huggers, rather than like your family.

• if you have a pet, spend some quality time with it. If you don't have a pet, consider getting a fluffy friendly one. An armful of guinea pigs is nice.

• and for self-care, wrap yourself in a warm blanket tightly, warm drinks, be loving towards yourself.

I know it's all a bit poor substitute, but may help while you're looking for the right person.

Have you thought of a pet op? I mean this seriously, even though I understand it is not the same as a human touch ! A dog , for example, can be a very reassuring presence. The warmth of my dog snuggled up to me on the sofa in the evenings is really comforting, especially as he chooses to be there, so you feel privileged to be sharing the same space as it were! Apologies if this is unhelpful though

There is such a thing as a 'self hug' where you hug yourself, you could try that.
I have a cat that likes a good hug so enjoy that, but not all cats would let you.
I was never much of a hugger myself but since covid I have become one, I get most of my hugs from colleagues.
Keep plodding on with dating.

No, I do appreciate all of the suggestions, thank you I surprised myself when I realised why I was feeling so blue.

Same although 5 years here, no dates or intimacy at all in that time though, my family don’t hug either that’s not normal in my family we never hug!

Hello Windynight. Can I ask, this longing for touch - is it
a) sexual
b) sensual, just a general longing
c) for a soul mate or similar connection?

When I was younger I would get (a) and (c) sometimes - I can't remember about (b) especially. They were very strong longings, the former I could satisfy in some way by going out and being available (not necessarily advising that exactly) but (c) was harder and was almost impossible to satisfy in my case. As I got older the need for a) and c) diminished is about all I can say encouragingly.

As regards (b) I thnk there are some things already recommended. I know it sounds weird but a great bath with massaging aromatherapy oil/cream after can be lovely; the same with mega-cosy bed duvets, nice clothes etc. We can also be "touched" by nature: water, swimming, the sun, the wind, the rain - I love all that. Also the "pet" thing. Dogs can be loyal and sweet - but are a big commitment. Most people who have dogs are retired, SAHM, or can take their dogs to work - or else have a big family they can share care of said dog with. Cats can be sweet but are mercurial. Much as I love cats, some aren't even that friendly! I have a moggie, but if I pick her up her fear is clear (its like being captured as prey I guess). But she'll sit near me and let me stroke her - if she's hungry. Still, its better than nothing lol. If you can afford it, you could get a breed thats known to be more 'cuddly'? Regardless of all that, you sound like you have v. good self-insight and I hope you find some things that are helpful.

I had this. I am also from a non affectionate family, my mother has never touched me. I really ached for a hug my whole childhood and often into adulthood when single. I found massages helpful and connecting with friends. (Hugs hello abd goodbye). When I met my husband I couldn't believe that I could have a hug whenever I wanted one. Utter luxury. Good luck with dating and know that others have felt the same way.

I understand.

It wasn't for me, but have you heard of Biodanza? Its a form of dance which is about human connection through look and touch (NOT sexual touch). I don't know if they are touching in covid times, but you could look it up.
There is also a form of dancing called contact improvisation, which again, involves physical connection.

Biodanza is more 'intimate' as it is about having a loving connection with all people (or at least the ones at your class!).

I second the suggestion to book a massage - it’s well known that the sort of touch you get is hugely therapeutic to many people who crave being hugged/held.

Wishing you well with the dating too.

Skin Hunger.

I'm in the same position. It's like a physical ache. Sending much sympathy. Massage helps me a bit.

I’d really like to say thank you again- I didn’t really know why I posted or what sort of answers I expected but you’ve all been so kind