Feeling ridiculous. Views and help needed.

[notmrscookie]

Just feeling wierd.

My life has never followed the norm.
Adopted at birth .
Both adopted parents died when I was 17 ( cancer and heart attack)
Married for 21 years and he cheated big time horrible divorce.
2 sons in 20s one has global learning disabilities and the other had meningitis .

I was born with a hearing loss and wear hearing aids.

I have a home , a job that just pays the bills.
I volunteer and have created a great new set of friends in the last 7 years .
I have a new partner who adores me but in his own way.

Just wish I had more normal luck in the world if that makes sense!

Just want to be normal but fear everyone else gives me a label.

I don't think normal exists. Do you need to be generic anyway? Ideally things would have been/would be easier for you.

OP - you are normal.
Married, two kids, H cheated, divorce, post divorce life, boyfriend.
This is a story of a large number of people out there.

Hearing aid - ok. In your age not yet common. But then again - medical issues pop up with many people.

Now - getting back to what the real issue is.
You aren’t happy with something about your life. Or the past. And it seems to be eating at you.
Have you tried talking to a professional? In order to change anything or to make anything better - you first need to understand it. Counsellors are there for that specific reason.

Luck is all about perspective! You have a home, a job, a lovely partner and several great friends! That would be considered damn lucky by most adults!

& anyone can make a list of sob stories that have happened to them but most of us choose not to dwell on negative experiences in the past.

I agree with the PP that you'd probably benefit from talking to a therapist because you obviously have some unhelpful negative patterns of thought.

I have a home , a job that just pays the bills.
I volunteer and have created a great new set of friends in the last 7 years.
Well done, you're doing great despite setbacks and a difficult start. Remember to appreciate what you do have and your achievements.

I have a new partner who adores me but in his own way.
What does this mean? Do you feel happy and valued in the relationship, or does "in his own way" mean you're accepting something substandard?

It's hard when you feel like an outlier. Could you try support groups for adults who were adopted, or who have hearing loss, to get a sense of how others with similar challenges feel?

And it must have been tough losing your adopted parents at 17.

Hello OP, sorry about your adoptive parents. You have built a very successful normal life even if you dont see it yourself. All my girlfriends have gone through divorce and have kids. Not sure what is not normal about that. Some of my friends have children with challenges too. You have adapted really well with your hearing and I still cant see where you want normality. You are normal, your life is normal you have been successful in navigating life. Well done.

Hi OP, my life story is more a horror story, starting with sexual abuse at a young age and continuing being abused by men throughout my adult life, including being raped by two different men.
I think most people have a story, it doesn't make you not normal, just different life experiences

You sound if anything above average to me - you got married, had kids, have a job, a home, a good new relationship. All especially impressive as you have had some tough experiences.

Why do you think people label you? How do they label you? It appears to me that a lot of this is about perspective. The life experiences you have had are tough, especially the early loss of both parents, and you might have had a few more than your fair share, but there is nothing very uncommon - and the fact you got on with life suggests you had the resources to deal with them.

It would be worth doing some reading, or some work with a therapist to explore what is troubling you and why.

Have you ever tried to trace your birth parents?

Aw I really feel for you OP. I remember the first time life felt normal (not me but life). It was to do with having head space to worry about things others worried about (the bins for example) rather than messy complicated struggling and surviving. You are a survivor though and when you come through the other end (however long it takes) you’ll be proud of yourself.

I feel like this sometimes op.
I have 3 children, 2 are moderately deaf and on the spectrum. I sometimes think why couldn't I have had a normal life.
My dad had lots of health problems when i was growing up. 17 years older than my mum. I've never been able to just relax and enjoy life. It's one stress after another.

Would you be this horrible to anyone else?

Your husband cheated on you? You're not normal.
You're adopted? You're weird.
Your parents dies when you were 17? There must be something odd about you.

It's not very kind, is it? It sounds like you've got that reverse ego-trip thing going on: why do you think anybody is bothering to go into your past and label you? Is anybody that bothered? Are you that bothered to do that about anybody else? It'd be a bit weird and stalkery, wouldn't it?

Who do you think is judging you? And what do you mean when you say he loves you 'in his own way'? That sounds laden with hidden meaning... does he love you in the way you want him to love you?