I’ve Name changed for this.
I’m NC with my one remaining parent, my mother, without going into specifics I will tell you from my point of view how I view my relationship/past with her and my family.
My entire life I was treat like some kind of competition/other woman with regards to affection from my DF, DBs and even extended family.
I was told as a child my DF would never love me as much as he loved her.
She once told me I came between her and her husband, her and her sons and her and her husbands family (my dad, my brothers and my extended family)
She would call me things like sad, pathetic (she actually use to text me from my DFs phone saying this stuff, I knew it was her because my DF couldn’t text and if he could he would have spelt his insults correctly)
As a child she would call me fat, I was so convinced, now I look back in photos I wasn’t. I’ve spent my entire life with body issues because of her comments and insults.
She took every opportunity she could to get me in trouble with my DF, even making things up.
She did her best to turn me against many members of my family, dripping poison in my ears. It was a very long time before I realised what she was doing, but she was successful if alienating me from them. Life was better for me to move away and get on with things without any of my family.
I learnt at a very young age to emotionally close my self off from her. I could never tell her anything personal as she would use it against me.
I can’t stand being around the nastiness that comes out of her mouth, she slags everyone off behind their backs, my aunts, cousins, uncles but is sweet as pie to their faces.
I don’t know anything and would never amount to anything as far as she is concerned.
Im always a trouble maker especially if I ever dare to stand up to her.
I once met a work colleague of hers, I was with my DB in a bar and we started chatting to a couple, my DB introduced the woman as someone who worked with my mother for years. This woman & her husband knew all about my brothers, their families, DCs etc… she had no idea who I was or even that I existed. When I told her I was my DBs sister she thought I was his half sister and my DF had a child before marrying my mother because I’d never once been mentioned.
I moved away as soon as I could and she made it very clear that she had her perfect family that didn’t include me.
One of my DBs & his family are vegetarian, she use to sneak meat into his children’s food.
I have certain rules about things my DCs can eat and drink. They arnt bad rules, I’ve fairly relaxed on a lot of things but grew up with very bad teeth. I went to the “family” dentist at 15 before my parents had to start paying for treatment and wasn’t even registered with them. I’d not had a dental check since I was 5. Anyway I don’t allow my DCs to drink juice or fizzy drinks. My DC told me that Nanna gives her carton of juices every time I wasn’t around. I fully believe my mother did this. I once left my DCs at her house, she decided to bath them, even though I said not to, one of my DCs has skin problems and she filled the bath full of cheap bubble bath then said my DCs were lying that she didn’t. Apparently it was just a coincidence my 4yo dcs skin was on fire.
There is so so much more…
I spent many years making excuses up, even defending her saying I know my relationship is bad but deep down she’s a good person.
I now no longer do that, I’m now at a place where I don’t really care anymore. I don’t want her in my life, I want to protect my DCs from her, the double standards and nastiness was starting to show around my DCs. Things came to ahead 3 years ago, so much stuff I’m not even going to attempt to put here because it’s way too much to put down. My DCs no longer ask about her or say they miss her. The NC resulted in me going NC with one brother and lc with another, my DCs really missed my NC brothers DD, they have finally stopped crying about missing her. My youngest dosnt even know any of my family except a couple of extended family members I stay in touch with.
In the last few years my family has gone through so much. Both myself and DH have had mental breakdowns, we nearly lost our home. Our DCs have had various health issues. I’ve also has health issues to the point I couldn’t cope anymore, hence my mental health breakdown. We are now finally in a good place. DH happy in work, we’ve moved, DCs happy in school, after going private I finally have diagnosis’, I have medication and treatments in place and I finally feel like I’m getting my life back.
So yesterday I get a call from lc brother, he literally only ever contacts me when someone is dead or dying. The call was to tell me our mother has cancer, the same kind that killed my DF. Apparently I will be hearing from her soon as she wants to send my DCs Christmas presents, she’s not bothered with even a birthday card in the last 3 years, now she wants to send them presents, fuck that. I asked how she got my address, I knew full well as lc brother text me last week asking for it to send Xmas cards, I didn’t think to much about it as my SIL dose send us cards. I told him I don’t want her to have my address, he back tracked saying he hadn’t given it her yet. Not sure if it’s the truth or if he’s going to tell her not to. To note, I moved this year, previously I was at the same address that she knew, she even had keys to my house as my DF had a set she never returned to me.
I don’t want to hear from her. I don’t want to have to feel I should have to let her make contact with my DCs. I don’t want their heads messed with. If it’s bad like my DF then why should I let her into their lives just for her to go and die on them. I’ve also got to the point in life where I am so tired of people walking round treating others like shit then being forgiven because they are old or sick. If she wanted to be surrounded by her children and grandchildren in old age and if she got sick then she should have treat us better through out our lives.
My DH dosnt want her around our DCs either but said he would support me in my decision. We met when I was previously NC with my parents, he has said when I reconnected and we moved closer to them so they were in our life more that I was a very different person to the confident person he’d known for many years. He hates how my family make me feel and put me down, even my siblings as they just think it’s natural to always pile on me. They actually know nothing about me as a person or my life and the things I’ve done because they never ever took an interest, it was just convenient for them that I never lived close by.
I don’t know what I want from this post, I think I just needed to let it out as I’m not good at letting people other than my DH in.