Do you ever get a pang when you think of a past love?

[cherriesandplums2021]

Just that, really. I wonder how common it is. I don’t mean thinking of them in a nosey way but when you think of someone and it pulls your heart a bit and makes you feel sad. I remember an ex bf said you never get over relationships, you just push them down and bury the feelings.

I think that was more a reflection on him maybe but I definitely do feel that with one relationship, as not great as it was, I still years on feel sad about it and wish for what could’ve been.

Absolutely yes.

There isn't a day that passes when I don't think about my ex.
I miss him terribly.

Yes, first love but we were just too immature to make it through teenage years. I think of him often and wish only the best for him.

Certain exs yes. Different kinds of pang too. I still think of xh though I left him 20 years ago with relief, just mainly sad that I married him, it wasn't fair to do that.

I married my first love, so I don’t have a past love to think about.
But I do occasionally wonder about what might have been.

I am sorry to hear that for both of you. It’s been two years for me and I have thought of my ex bf every day. I am not even sure if he would’ve been the right person for me but still I think of him every day.

Yes. First teenage love even though it would never have worked, mostly because it didn’t end amicably and it feels unresolved. I got a jolt if I saw him unexpectedly for years afterwards.

And a fling from a few years ago that never really got going, and I’m not sure why because we were perfect on paper. He got engaged a while back (we have mutual friends) and I felt very, very sad about that, despite me having got engaged and married since we parted.

Tugging the heartstrings doesn’t always make sense.

Thinking back, it’s only situations where I’ve been dumped that I still feel pangs about. Relationships that I ended, or that ended by mutual agreement, or flings that I wasn’t too fussed about, I don’t feel like that. Time to work on my self-esteem? 😅

Nah. They all turned out to be pricks one way or another. I'm single and happy now (or perhaps just old and bitter)

Yes. I've never hated any of my ex's. I guess nothing bad enough has ever happened for me to. My exh had an affair and we are divorcing and although I would never get back with him and hate what he did, I can't hate him and am often floored by memories as we have kids together and a massive history.

No, I’m horrified they’re still walking around in the world, to be honest — I’d like exes to quietly cease to exist as soon as we’re through. I should issue them with a cyanide tooth or something.

My ex was a prize prick, but he also bought me absolute joy at times, and totally changed my life in a good way for the years we spent together.
He was a whole heap of issues, tied up with a narcissistic ribbon, though.

I hold fond memories of my first b/f but otherwise definitely not, quite the reverse.

Yes

Yes. But then i realise its easy to glorify something in your head.

I used to get the pang and the what ifs. But i actually ended up coming across my ex again and there was nothing.

No pang. No longing or missing.

Just nothing.

It was extremely underwhelming and thats when i came to the conclusion i had idealised it all in my head. Our relationship was immature and on/off for forever. The feelings may have been real but the actual relationship was far from it. It ended for a reason, just as much as it didnt continue for a reason.

Also when i met him i noticed he wasnt who i remembered or clinged onto in my head. He was an entirely different person as am i. We spoke a little but it was awkward and felt unnatural.

Basically what im saying is dont look back on things with rose tinted glasses. What meant to be truly will be.

Look forward and enjoy your new current or future relationships.

I think I would have if I didn't follow him on insta and see that he is still constantly on his skateboard.I also ran into him at a gig and it was genuinely nice to see him happy and well.Removed any fantasies I had about thinking what if.

Ugh no!
Never again.

Most definitely yes. My first love, the one that got away. Every time I think of him I feel a sharp pang in my heart, in my stomach.

I don’t think I would feel that if I was happily in a relationship but that never really happened so i doubt it will ever go away for me as I’m old now with health issues and doubt I will meet anyone I loved as much as him

I think I sometimes pang for the life I might have lived with them, in the same way I often wonder about career routes I didn't take etc. One of my exs had lots of children for example, one would have meant that I'd of lived abroad, one was much wealthier than we are now, and my current life is very much dominated by animals as that's my DW passion and I enjoy it too but my most recent ex was deathly allergic to the thing that forms the main part of my hobbies, and passion now

Sometimes I also miss specific things eg one ex was an amazing cook, and the other had an amazing family that made Christmas very special.

I think lots of it is partly nostalgia and brushing over the bad parts. My life now is happy and in general I'm glad the path took me to where I am and DW (I wouldn't swap her for any of the ex's!)

I think that's always the case though. You read lots on here of people that envy people without children, or are wistful for their old quiet mornings etc, while not wanting to change the life of children they do have and loving them very much

I'm fairly lucky that the majority of my exs I genuinely wish well, and think fondly of. I count myself very lucky that I don't have that awful ex experience

I think i realised I was truly over them when one popped up on Instagram pregnant and another got engaged etc and I was genuinely happy for them.

I love all my exes and think of them fondly in different ways, I have been lucky to know really kind and supportive men in my life. But I have actually been in a rather unique position of revisiting the major loves of my life in my 30s post divorce - had proposals from both but they just weren’t right.

So in that way any pangs of longing are completely gone. Prior to the reattempt I had assumed we hadn’t worked due to being young and immature or timing issues, but I got to test that theory with the perfect timing, both mature and the relationships still didn’t work!

So that was actually immensely helpful and also helped me learn a lot about myself.

So yes, take it from me, those loves that didn’t work out then probably won’t work out now either so it’s best to look forward!

Having pangs doesn't mean that I would ever, ever contemplate going back to the person.
I couldn't and wouldn't.

gottahavehighhopes I think that’s true.

I haven’t found anyone else and it’s hard to know how much is because I still feel sad because of my ex and how much is i still feel sad about him so haven’t met anyone. Probably a bit of both really.

I doubt that it would work out now too if I was being deeply honest. It’s just sometimes I see him as we vaguely work in the same industry - and I just feel a sharp pang. I saw him sitting outside a pub one day a few months ago and turned sharply to go the other way.

I think I have accepted that I will just carry this with me till I die. It’s interesting because whilst I’m not struck down with grief every day - like I was in the beginning (I would not wish that on anyone) - I do still think of him every day. I’m only in my 30s and wonder if I Have another 30 years of this.

I'm quite content with my pangs, now.
I think of him as the one person I truly, truly loved, even though I have had perfectly nice partners and loved them.
I'm old and also in poor health, though, so he will have been my last.