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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Never speaking to my mother again

4 replies

ImTakingTheEssence · 25/11/2021 21:15

Currently going through a situation i don't think I can fix. Went away for my Birthday with my daughter and mother. On the last night had an argument with my mother as she always brings up my father when drunk. We both had a drink. My dad cheated on her they got divorced and she remarried 18 or so years ago. I have to sit everytime she's drunk and listen to how I didn't take her side how awful his girlfriend is how I chose his side, how ungrateful I am etc. I told her she can't see my daughter anymore and a few other choice words equally as hurtful and how as a family where all scared to upset her and I'm sick of it. We went home separately and she said she will never speak to me again. She lives at home with my stepdad and sister they all bicker constantly and fall out all the time it's a toxic household and everytime I go there screaming at each other over minor things. She was taking my daughter to the pictures but cancelled because she's just petty. I'm working Xmas and have no intention of going round there but my daughter is supposed to. I know I will get blamed for ruining Christmas as she says I ruin every holiday etc. My stepdad hasn't spoke to me or called but normally comes round to see if I'm OK but hasn't. My sisters asked me to apologise but I don't think I'm in the wrong here so do I try to reach out or just leave it be?

OP posts:
category12 · 25/11/2021 21:23

We both had a drink. My dad cheated on her they got divorced and she remarried 18 or so years ago. I have to sit everytime she's drunk and listen to how I didn't take her side how awful his girlfriend is how I chose his side, how ungrateful I am etc.
Perhaps stop drinking together.

I told her she can't see my daughter anymore
vs
she was taking my daughter to the pictures but cancelled because she's just petty
Do you see your part here?

LizzieSiddal · 25/11/2021 21:30

There’s a lot going on here! But on the whole your mother should not be betraying you about her divorce 18 years ago. I certainly wouldn’t have a drink with her again, as that seems to be the trigger for her having a go at you. You also said everyone in the family is afraid of upsetting her and it sounds like you’ve stuck up for yourself for once.

Do you want to repair your relationship?

AdrianeMole · 25/11/2021 21:33

Its wrong for her to unload her prior marriage woes on you but maybe she wants you to know how much she wishes it wasn't the way it was.
Please repair your relationship, even it if means setting some boundaries. If something happened to her after you had not spoken you would never forgive yourself.

2catsandhappy · 26/11/2021 11:06

@ImTakingTheEssence How are you feeling today op?

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