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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lost good friend

3 replies

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 25/11/2021 20:06

I've got so much in common with my friend but her life is a total mess largely due to her behaviour, I think she may have ASD.
The whole of the last year has been spent with her pouring out the same problems to me over and over again constantly repeating herself, saying she wants to die, going on and on.
Doesn't take any of my suggestions or seek proper psychiatric help and is constantly goading people at work even though she is on a dismissal pathway.
This really is the time for her to pull her socks up, she keeps saying all she wants to is work but then refuses to do as she is told and makes absurd demands.
I got 11 angry emails about work one morning before lunch, none of which I can do anything about as she does not listen to my advice.
I've come to the end of my rope, I value her as a friend but this behaviour is affecting my own mental health and I can't cope any more so I've just stopped seeing her.
She keeps texting me but I've had enough. I've had a major depressive episode because of the problems she keeps loading onto me and have had to up my dose of antidepressants. I've had a lot of personal losses of my own in the last few years which have really got me down but I only speak to my psychiatrist about them, not anyone else.
I don't want to end our friendship but I really am out of options.
Someone give my head a wobble and make me stop encouraging people like this.

OP posts:
Smackthepony · 25/11/2021 20:29

Sounds like you’ve done the right thing OP. I had the same problem with a good friend. After the breakup of my marriage I had my own issues to deal with and sought counselling. This subject came up and my therapist said I had to ‘put my own oxygen mask on first’. She suggested taking a step back from my friend. I did the same as you and just stopped being available to her. The relationship fizzled out and I don’t regret it. I felt relieved. It’s not selfish to take care of your own mental health. Your friend is responsible for sorting her own life. Leave her to do that and take care of yourself.

purpleme12 · 25/11/2021 20:31

I've got a friend like this
I think she's got BPD (think that's what she said)
It's exhausting
I got to the point where I don't respond regularly
It's beyond what I can do though

YouJustFoldItIn · 25/11/2021 20:36

Have you actually told her any of this?

You sound like a great friend and a complete saint but even saints have their limits.

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