After a separation, how long before attraction to other men?

[curiouscat1]

Does anyone have any clue about what a 'normal' length of time it is after separating from a long marriage before you start fancying other men? Or, perhaps 'normal' is the wrong term - just what would you expect? For context, the separation was due to ex's cheating and so was not a 'wanted' separation, but a necessary one.

It's normal to still fancy people when you are married

Well I'm 10 months on and dating a lovely guy , but struggling to let myself go and 'fancy him'
In terms of just seeing people in the street and thinking they are attractive, it was straight away, I think I was trying to prove to myself there were other options out there for me

I think it’s different for everyone. I jumped into dating super fast after I separated from my husband. It certainly gave me a boost and I really thought I was ready for the dating game but really I wasn’t. I was deeply hurt and trying to distract myself and make myself feel better.

In a similar situation I found that about a year and a half on I was eyeing up new prospects and looking forward to having some fun. But it depends on so much, doesn't it?

@Philly1234

I think it’s different for everyone. I jumped into dating super fast after I separated from my husband. It certainly gave me a boost and I really thought I was ready for the dating game but really I wasn’t. I was deeply hurt and trying to distract myself and make myself feel better.

I think this is what is happening to my friend too.

They say one month for every year of the relationship. Mine was 30 years and yes exactly 2.5 years after we separated I got my mojo back! A man winked at me on the tube and that was it 😂. I’d been dead sexually up to that point for nearly 10 years.

I'm still completely turned off by the whole idea of intimacy, it's been several years.

It took at least a year to even want to start looking and another year to find someone I wanted to date (I'm very fussy and was enjoying not being with a jerk so it took someone very special for me to want to date).

Me too Massive - I just cannot be bothered. My life is full of work, studying, hobbies and swimming when I haven't got COVID 😬.

It's been 5 years since my marriage ended. Not at all interested in meeting anyone or dating. Life is full of DC, work, dogs.. I'm 45 and happy to stay single for the long haul now I think. Someone would have to be spectacular to change my mind.

It was about 6 months after we’d split up and was another 3 months before I did anything about it.

I am with you Kurt, the only time I feel alone is when I am ill, like last week with COVID. Home alone was miserable. Not sure it is enough to make me want to date though!

@Philly1234

I think it’s different for everyone. I jumped into dating super fast after I separated from my husband. It certainly gave me a boost and I really thought I was ready for the dating game but really I wasn’t. I was deeply hurt and trying to distract myself and make myself feel better.

I'm worried I'm doing this. I was so devastated, and worried about never finding anyone again

About three months - about the same time I sobered up and decided to get my life on track

Flower yeah being ill on your own is naff. Me and DC all had covid at the same time in January and that was rough! Not bad enough to consider dating though

Fancying men? I never stopped. Palate cleanser shagging is fine.

Having a healthy relationship? In my case maybe two years out of a 10 year marriage.

@Philly1234 same here. I was just fortunate I bumped into an old friend and had an 18 month relationship. He looked after me and when we separated, I was a lot stronger than I was after a failed 16 year marriage. I do wish I had spent more time on my own though.

I'm with Emergency Hydrangea. You still fancy people when married, you just try not to act on it. I'm in my 50s and have never had a phase where I don't fancy people. It's not as intense now but I think if you go in to a relationship thinking you won't fancy anyone again you're deluded

Palate cleansing snagging!!!

I had fun, but looking back I wasn’t anywhere near as together mentally and emotionally as I thought I was x

I remember thinking I could never find a man attractive again. I pictured the hair, the sweat, the feet and the thought of sharing a bed with a man turned me off.

However the first man I met online I was very attracted to, far more than exh, and we were together for several years.

I will say though that exh and I were separated but living in the same house for two years so the relationship was well and truly over by the time he left.

I am single now and fine about it.

I was about 2 years prior to separating
Seriously though there's no right or wrong or set time, all in your own time

When you are ready
Basically
No rules
It’s took me a While , but we went into covid after I split

Totally depends on the person. I was with my ex for nearly 11 years, not married but lived together and lives very tied together. I was completely broken when we split and never wanted to go near anyone ever again few months on and my friend signed me up for online dating while we were having a drink and a laugh second ever online date was my now DH. From the split to my engagement was just over a year! Sometimes it comes along when you aren’t looking.