Dating. Should I cancel rather than waste this blokes time

[Bloodyfreezingtoes]

I'm OLD. Have been for ages. Want a family etc.

Had a good thing recently that went wrong so got straight back out there as I don't have forever.

Met a man who is very nice but I'm fairly sure isn't for me. Had a 2nd date to be sure and liked him a bit more but no spark for me. He's invited me out a third time this weekend and I said 'yes' as I didn't think quickly enough to turn him down nicely on the spot. Hes now planning something quite elaborate (not expensive, just a lot of parts to the afternoon) and seems really keen. Would you go or cancel? He is really nice and attractive, I just don't want to kiss him or anything at all. Not sure how much wishing things hadn't messed up with ex is influencing this (nothing awful happened but in large part was my fault due to my issues).

I don't know which I feel worse for, wasting his time or cancelling.

What is it about him you're not keen on?

Well, first date he was a bit of a monologuer and when I did speak, he often cut me off so he could tell his own story (he apologised beforehand most times). I think that was nerves though. We have a bit in common and he was interesting but the conversation felt like polite chat at a party, never really flowy for me. I didn't feel any sexual chemistry at all.

Just go. Its a very odd idea stemming from OLD that sexual chemistry should instantly be there. As long as you're cheerful, make effort at conversation etc you're not wasting his time...

I’ve just been in the same position after a date 2 and I cancelled.

He was everything I was looking for on paper but I just wasn’t feeling it and didn’t want to prolong it. In fact I was dreading him trying to kiss me.

If you’re sure you’re not interested, cancel. If you are still open minded about him you could go out one more time.

Split between the 2 above points. I am dreading the thought of him kissing me (I know he wanted to end of both dates, didn't try as I deflected it). Would hate to go on a date if someone felt like this about me but maybe it is a slow burner. Last one, the chemistry was huge but didn't work out.

Plenty of fish in the sea. There should be at least a little bit of spark to build on. There's always a risk that you eventually find him too nice and you convince yourself it's the right/safe thing.

Thank you next.

After reading your opening sentences I thought go. Then I read that there isn't a spark and you absolutely don't want to kiss him.
If that is the case after 2 dates then no don't waste your time on him.

You've had two dates.

He's more interested in himself than you. You don't fancy him. Thrown him back in the river!

I would cancel.

I think you should cancel - for both of your sakes. Don’t lead him on.

Do the guy a favour and cancel him - plenty more fish in the sea !

I'm a veteran online dater and the litmus test for me is always "if he leant across to kiss me would I be horrified, happy or indifferent?". Even if I don't feel instant attraction, if I'm absolutely sure that I'd be horrified if he tried I don't take it further. If I'm undecided I give it another chance.

I think you're all right. I'll cancel, let him have his weekend afternoon back

I’d cancel. There’s nothing worse than going on a date and finding out they’ve wasted your time.

He is obviously very in to you so let him down gently

It also sounds like you’re not ready to start dating just yet.

OLD must be hard, I was friends with DH for months before I realised even fancied him, and soon after that I loved him.

@ElftonWednesday

OLD must be hard, I was friends with DH for months before I realised even fancied him, and soon after that I loved him.

It is hard tbh! I really don't enjoy it anymore.

Cancellation sent, said a few nice things but that I didn't feel a romantic connection so it was clear but hopefully not unpleasant to receive.

Eek. You're dreading the thought of him kissing you?

Imagine if you were busy planning an elaborate date for someone you thought liked you, yet they were actually dreading any intimate contact....which he is probably very keen to have. A kiss on date 3 would be expected I think.

Cancel cancel cancel. You'll fade on him anyway so save his time, money and self esteem. X

Yep. And with no reason, he's handsome and nice. So weird how these things work, chemistry or whatever it is!

That was what I didn't want so have called things off, hopefully the right way.