Can I really change without having therapy?

[JimHalpertsPA]

It's simply unaffordable for me at the moment but I know I need to make some major changes regarding boundaries. Can I do this by myself without any professional help?

Are you stepping over peoples boundaries or you have weak boundaries and people step over you? I think there are differences, people who disregard people’s boundaries and storm over them sometimes display narcissistic traits. People who allow others to erode their own boundaries usually have self esteem issues. The latter can be helped with self help books, pod casts, learning techniques from YouTube etc. The former is trickier to fix. Remember the NHS has free therapy…Time to Talk. I used them through lockdown and was helped within a few weeks.

You absolutely can. I highly recommend following The Holistic Psychologist aka Dr Nicole Lepera on insta and listening to the podcasts she does with one of her partners called Selfhealers Soundboard. She’s recently had a book published called How to do the Work. It’s been a game changer for me x

There are loads and loads of fantastic books, podcasts and online resources to help with things like this. Give them a try.

Lots of self help online. Google what issues you have and see what material comes up. Also try youtube. Some great free videos on there.

For sure you can.

However, the place where therapy really helps is that the therapist can be a good sounding-board for the conclusions you come to.

Like, I think it's easy to read a lot of stuff online and convince yourself that your problem is one thing when it can really be another. A therapist won't let you choose the most comforting version of what your problems are, if that makes sense!

Thanks for your responses. My issue is not setting strong boundaries for myself. I didn't know about Time to Talk- I tried asking for one to one therapy earlier this year when I self referred for PND (although I think having a child just allowed old crap to resurface) but was told they would only offer me CBT and that too in a group setting.

I'm training to be a therapist and we have to be in placements to get enough client hours to qualify. These placements will be low cost options and most therapy practices will offer this. Please google low cost therapy and I'm sure you'll find some in your area. Or contact your local therapy colleges as they often offer low cost services too. You can get therapy for as low as £10 per session, you may have to join a waiting list but you could also apply to places out of your area as most offer Zoom now anyway.
Good luck!

Yes, definitely - especially now, when so much information is freely available online. I’ve worked with a great therapist in the past but some of the best work I’ve done has been on my own.

You do need to be self aware and willing to challenge yourself, as a PP said. I find that looking for patterns in my own behaviour helps.

Compare it to a medical procedure, some things you need a professional for.

I’ve had various types of therapeutic input, counselling, a bit of CBT, therapy from a psychodynamic approach. All helpful in some respects, but none hit the spot for me like the approach of the holistic psychologist I mentioned above. I can’t emphasise enough how helpful it’s been to me in recognising my lack of boundaries and why I didn’t really have any. The approach also takes account of the role of nervous system responses to childhood trauma and how these responses can perpetuate unhelpful behaviour patterns. I’ve been able to identify that I have become a people pleaser, putting the needs of others before mine. I did this as a coping strategy however it no longer serves me. I’ve now been able to start re-parenting myself and have been able identify what my needs are and have been proactive in trying to get these needs met.

I’ve found hypnotherapy extremely helpful for lots of issues, each session can be quite expensive but the good thing is you don’t have to keep going back week after week with costs mounting up, if you find someone good and do your own work alongside it can help make profound shifts quite quickly in only a couple of sessions.

Compare it to a medical procedure, some things you need a professional for.

True, I would say the key factor is the severity of the issue.

If you are 10 pounds overweight, you can probably lose it all by yourself by reading up on better diet choices and improving (or starting) your own exercise routine.

If you are 50 pounds overweight, you should probably seek foundational advice from a professional nutrition and/or trainer but you may well be able to manage the weight loss process yourself with periodic check-ins.

If you are 250 pounds overweight you probably need weekly sessions with a personal trainer and a weight management programme to achieve your goals. Depending on the progress you can make, you may need surgery.

So the first question to ask yourself is: what sort of problems is this issue causing, realistically?

Is it mainly a surface-level concern, not affecting your life all that much day-to-day but you believe you would feel better in yourself if you changed it?

Is it an ongoing issue that has effects on your day-to-day ability to live comfortably/happily and work towards your goals, with the potential to cause serious long-term issues?

Or is it deeply rooted, causing considerable issues in your day-to-day life, with the potential to cause a genuine crisis?