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Original poster

Should I divorce my husband

26 replies

novembeer · 25/11/2021 08:48

We have been together for past 10 yrs. I don’t love him but he is good man but I just don’t feel like him touching me. My feelings has been like this for very long time I will say more then half of our marriage. He is not good in bed too I should not say it but it’s truth when I try to talk to him about it he says this things are not to be talked about. (I genuinely feel he is just not good in sex)

He is controlling too not to the extreme but he is. Rather then that he is good man he does take care of me & he is v organised & have gr8 work ethics , believes in god, does not drink or smoke , I know he will never cheat , v family oriented, he is good with money too , he is emotional we can afford luxury holidays but even after all this I feel not happy.

My question to you all is am I CrAzy and throwing away all this coz of the 1st two things I mention is worth it ? I don’t have kids just in case if anyone is wondering.

OP posts:
inmyslippers · 25/11/2021 08:53

God yes life is short! Run now while you don't have kids and entire life ahead of you

EuromamaAussiekids · 25/11/2021 08:55

@inmyslippers

God yes life is short! Run now while you don't have kids and entire life ahead of you
I agree. You don't have dc. It's easier to start a new life without the complications of kids
EuromamaAussiekids · 25/11/2021 08:56

I mean without the complications of kids during a divorce

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/11/2021 09:23

Yes. Set yourself free.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/11/2021 09:35

Controlling behaviour is abusive behaviour; its over anyway because of this.

Set yourself free here from this man also because you do not love him. Staying with him in such circumstances is pointless and also stops you from meeting someone who you could truly love.

languagelover96 · 25/11/2021 09:36

Run now. Find another partner who loves you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/11/2021 09:39

"My question to you all is am I CrAzy and throwing away all this coz of the 1st two things I mention is worth it ?"

Read about the "sunk costs fallacy" in relationships because that is what you're really describing here in this above comment. Do not get bogged down in sunk costs. This is probably also why you've stayed to date in this miserable sounding relationship; you've bogged yourself down in sunk costs.

WineWednesdays7251 · 25/11/2021 09:45

You said it yourself in the first line- if you haven't found love and happiness with this man, maybe you never will. Every woman deserves sexual fulfilment. It's lovely that he's a good man but that doesn't mean he is a good husband. If your fear divorce, remember that you still have the rest of your life ahead of you. You will find love again Smile Wine

Original poster
novembeer · 25/11/2021 10:43

@AttilaTheMeerkat

"My question to you all is am I CrAzy and throwing away all this coz of the 1st two things I mention is worth it ?"

Read about the "sunk costs fallacy" in relationships because that is what you're really describing here in this above comment. Do not get bogged down in sunk costs. This is probably also why you've stayed to date in this miserable sounding relationship; you've bogged yourself down in sunk costs.

What do u mean ?
OP posts:
HollowTalk · 25/11/2021 11:00

The sunk costs fallacy here means that you think because you've invested so much time and effort in a relationship, you should stick it out.

You don't have children with him. He's a good man but you're not interested in a romantic relationship with him. Better for both of you to end it. Bear in mind he'll probably get snapped up immediately - be prepared for that. Whether his new partner would be satisfied sexually is another thing - some women think it's worth putting up with rubbish sex in order to have comfort in other areas. You're not one of those women so you need to get out now while you can.

romany4 · 25/11/2021 11:15

He's controlling and rubbish in bed. You don't have kids.
That would be the end of a marriage for me.

layladomino · 25/11/2021 14:58

He's controlling and you don't enjoy sex with him. You don't love him.

Whichever way you look at it, the right thing to do is leave...

If he's a decent bloke, it isn't fair to stay with someone you don't love.
If he isn't decent, well... why would you stay?

And you don't have children so it's much more straightforward. Don't stay then look back with regret in your old age.

Bananalanacake · 25/11/2021 15:51

How controlling is he, does he stop you going out, does he check your phone.

nocnoc · 25/11/2021 16:58

Yes you should

Original poster
novembeer · 25/11/2021 17:14

@Bananalanacake

How controlling is he, does he stop you going out, does he check your phone.
He don't like me going out with my friends. Or work colleagues .. he dont check my phone but if I'm on ph for too long he will keep telling me UNTILL I won't put the phone down .. when I speak to my parents for too long he won't like it he is not abusive or anything like that but he will change his expression and show me he was not happy about it ..

He says he has change but I don't feel it's much of change ..

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 25/11/2021 17:16

Time to end it, and find a man you want to shag senseless 😉

Colourmeclear · 25/11/2021 17:19

If you had no history, would you want to wake up and spend your day with him?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/11/2021 17:21

I beg you to run, run, run. Right now! You are so lucky you don't have kids yet. Get out while you can so easily.

ArtfulScreamer · 25/11/2021 17:25

I find if you have to ask the question should I get divorced the answer is inevitably yes.

cherrypie66 · 25/11/2021 17:30

Well you can stay in this dull life of yours or you can give yourself a chance to be free and truly happy. Even if you didn't meet a new man you can be so much happier on your own with your friends and family In Your life. No one else to answer to. You just need to courage to do it. Life is too short to spend it this way. Don't waste your life !

category12 · 25/11/2021 18:30

He don't like me going out with my friends. Or work colleagues .. he dont check my phone but if I'm on ph for too long he will keep telling me UNTILL I won't put the phone down .. when I speak to my parents for too long he won't like it he is not abusive or anything like that but he will change his expression and show me he was not happy about it ..

Controlling behaviour is abusive, as pps have said.

Life is too bloody short to spend with someone you don't love.

And too short to find yourself isolated you from friends and family by him making it uncomfortable for you to spend time even talking to them.

You're an adult woman, you don't need "looking after", and you don't need to be in a relationship that costs you the other people you love.

End the marriage.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 25/11/2021 19:55

You're crazy to stay with someone you don't love. Leave now and find happiness elsewhere. Do you want to get to 70 and realise you've wasted your entire life?

Tallisimo · 25/11/2021 21:41

The more you tell us about him, the more I think you would be better off without him! He brings you no joy …

Stokingtheflames · 26/12/2021 18:41

If he was great in bed and didn't have any good qualities, would you stay with him?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/12/2021 18:44

I’d leave if no kids- but are you happy to leave and be single? I hope the answer is yes- being single isn’t seemingly great so as long as you aren’t expecting a fantastic, easy dating life then Id say leave

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