Will I ever get over my ex?

[nightworld]

I'm desperately looking for advice because right now I can't see any light at the end if this tunnel

I'm 24 and me and my boyfriend broke up a year ago after 8 years together (my decision I just felt as though we outgrew eachother). Although we broke up a year ago we were still in regular contact until 2 months ago - stupid idea I know.

Lately I've been really struggling with coming to terms that it's 100% over, he's seeing a new girl now and I'm happy for him. But I just feel as though that has finalised everything now and that me and him are definitely done for good.

I feel so lonely and am constantly thinking of him and our memories, I think back to good times and just find it so upsetting. I genuinely don't feel as though I'm ever going to find anyone else and just feel so unloved.

I know I chose to end the relationship, but it still doesn't make a break up any easier. Does anyone have any advice on how to move on and heal because right now I don't feel as though I'll ever be happy again

You will absolutely and totally get over this stage.

You’ve been with him all your grown up life, it must feel like an amputation. But you clearly felt it was the right thing that you broke up, it’s just about separating your identify from the relationship.

You are at the cusp of a really exciting new phase in your life, where you figure out who you are and what you want as a person. You will find the love of your life, but you don’t want to yet - you need to get to know yourself -

You have to make a big effort to move on in practical ways - and one day you’ll realise your mind is moving on to. Spend as much time as possible with friends and family - plan treats, outings, whatever you enjoy. Take up things you have always thought of trying. Keep a list on your phone/fridge/wall of things you want to do - whether it’s go to x cafe, go to Greece for a month of island hopping, take up running, get your front door painted red, or go for a promotion - and gradually do them. Keep yourself busy - take yourself on solo outings when friends aren’t around - bookshops, exercise classes, side business. Try and out as much pleasure into everyday life as you can - eat food you love, connect with people, make time for little treats.

The point of all this activity isn’t just to keep you occupied, it’s to start getting a sense of what you want out of life, and what gives you pleasure.

I am twice your age and would love to be 24 again! I hope you fit in lots of travel and adventure, and you will love again for sure -

Remember why you ended things. You must have done it for a reason.
24 is so young and eight years together is also a long time to be with one person especially at such a young age.

You need to be going out and having fun at your age. You need to meet new people and experience life a bit more.

You do not need a boyfriend in order to feel happy or fulfilled. Start going out, meeting people and having a laugh with girlfriends and you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner

Basically I've bin with my partner for 15 years we have two children and live together, just wondering if anyone's bin through something similar, I love her so much , but we've had a few problems the last few years due to me drinking and working , she also works alot which take alot of her time up , a few month ago we had a break up for a month or two , in that time she slept with someone I know quite well and Basically i thought I could get over it but it's all I think about and it's broke my heart, like I say I adore this women and she's the mother to my children, I just can't stop thinking about her sleeping with someone eles , is there anyway I can get over it as its affecting our relationship bad , I'm drinking and going out alot wich also is talking it's toll on the relationship, I just can't get over the fact the women I've loved for 15 years has done this , I'm far from perfect at all but I'm just asking if anyone eles has bin through something similar, I love the bones of her but I just can't get it out my head no matter how much I try , is it even possible for me to get over this ?
Thanks guys

OP- COVID restrictions probably didn't help. Try and get out and about and meet new people or meet up with old friends etc, new activities. The more you do new stuff, the more you'll feel like your life is moving on- plus it'll be a good distraction. I also found making videos about my exes helped, going over the annoying things that happened etc. I had therapy at one point.

Ant- you need to make your own thread to get more responses.

Thank you everyone for being so kind. I do go out a lot on the weekends with friends which helps, but I'm left feeling heartbroken and lonely when I'm alone. Like right now I'm just laying in bed thinking about him and all the times we've had, but I know he's with the new girl he's seeing. It's just a really horrible feeling which leaves a lump in my throat, I pray it gets better soon x

When you broke up you still remained in contact. All that did was delay the real work of grief. Now you are fully away from him you are now grieving the end of the relationship. What you are feeling is perfectly normal and you will recover in time. Do the grief work before you start another relationship. You will be ok OP xx

It has been a long time since the split and considering you instigated it, you might expect to be further along. But I think keeping in regular contact stalled the process of moving on and you are in effect at the two month stage rather than the one year stage.

So cut all contact now, he isn’t your friend, he is your ex and belongs in the past. Remind yourself of why you ended it on a regular basis. Keep busy, if you feel bad when alone then surround yourself with people and limit the times when you are alone for the time being.

I know it sounds like a cliche, but it's just a fact - you are still very young. Many people your age haven't yet had a single serious relationship. For most people, their big longterm loves are still in their future, at 24.

You ended it for good reason. That reason hasn't changed. I suspect that you're just re-living some of it because he's met someone else. Perhaps, even subconsciously, as you'd stayed friends you'd always thought that he was there as a back up plan. Not you've realised that isn't the case (and it wouldn't have been a good idea anyway).

You will get over this. It might take a bit of time but you will. Keep reminding yourself of that. And in the meantime, keep seeing friends, pursuing hobbies etc. It will help to distract you through this tricky bit.