Teenage son's first break up

[bubblicious3]

He's 17 and they had been together for 2 years. He hasn't spoken to us since Sunday - today he suddenly announced that they had broken up. How do I help? He isn't good at talking to us when he is sad, but we are generally close. I don't want to get in his face but I'd love to give him a big hug, I'm not sure he's appreciate it tho ☹️

Make his favourite tea tomorrow? Plan a weekend activity he'd really enjoy? Family movie night with his favourite film? Take him for a nice meal at the weekend / a day out? Depends on him really! 😊

Thanks. All good ideas, but he just shuts off when he's sad and is unlikely to engage. He did let his Dad hug him earlier tho, so that's a start (I was out and haven't seen him yet)

Give him that big hug. He might just need it.

Fingers crossed he lets you in for a hug soon! 😊 it'll feel like the end of his world right now, soon he'll realise it's not the end of anything but the start of a new stage!

Only hug him if he wants a hug. You may have to except he has his own way of dealing with matters.

Oh it’s hard, validate his sadness and how hard it is, tell him you’re sorry,maybe even through text so he won’t be overwhelmed, and let him come to you, he may reach out in subtle ways though if he can’t find the words so be available

Let him know you're there if he needs to talk, but other than that, just let him process the breakup the way he needs to.

Can you make him his face food and ask him how he's feeling?

Ah that's really tough at that age, teenagers have so little experience (but think they know everything! at least mine do!). It's part of growing up, but seems like you are real thoughtful and aware of his state. He probably won't appreciate it, but you are doing the right thing.

Just be there, he will probably want to talk but doesn’t know how to start the conversation. The car is always my go to venue. I also let DS use me as a sounding board so he can talk himself through it. Lockdown meant that we were the only face to face contacts he had so he learnt to talk to us.
The only time I will give advise is if his ideas are likely to hurt his girlfriend unnecessarily. At the moment he wants to finish with her but it’s because they are moving from the tied at the hip stage to the couple stage. They don’t know how to navigate and it’s difficult to explain that the other side is actually better. His girlfriends previous relationship ended at 6mnths so may be a pattern. DS may stick it out but like most 17yr old boys they are inherently lazy and lack most social skills. Funny enough they are experts on other peoples relationships.
When it’s the first breakup they just don’t understand what’s happened and don’t have the communication skills to work it out.