Dm's dp inappropriate behaviour

[elisec79]

Had an argument with DM about her partner's unpleasant remarks, she can't see anything wrong and thinks we (me, db, dsis, dd) are overreacting.
Comments such as:
dd 18 was breastfeeding her ds at a family party alone in a room, when he walked in, she said 'I'm feeding' to which he responded 'no thanks, I'm not hungry'.

My dn said at a meal 'I like sausages' , to which he responded 'you like my sausages'

He has made unpleasant comments to people when we are out , dogs were sniffing, he made a comment about people sniffing each others bums

He has made remarks to my dh and his db's about the fact they are 'foreigners '

Racist comments in a restaurant.

In front of children 'i like wearing rubbers'

Excessive behaviours such as licking plates and bowls

These are just some examples there are many more, they have been together 20 years and the remarks are endless. He makes us all feel so uncomfortable, which we feel are intentional. We feel she is minimising his behaviour and blaming us for overreacting and being 'woke'
Really just wanted people's thoughts.

I would have nothing to do with him. Has anyone challenged him directly?

Can you not just stay away then. If your mum wants to see you then she can come alone

He sounds awful.

But why are you complaining now after 20 years of it?

@thistimelastweek we have complained to dm previously, there have been many arguments, in the end we try to keep the peace. I suppose seeing how distressed dd was triggered me into no longer wanting to put up with it

Call him out on it. Don’t complain to DM tell him directly “that’s not funny” “I don’t like it when you say X so please don’t” etc.

Don’t pussy foot around this jerk if he’s making everyone uncomfortable. I’m more wondering the dynamic why no one has already?

@thistimelastweek

He sounds awful.

But why are you complaining now after 20 years of it?

Sometimes it takes a while to piece it altogether and some of it boils down to experience and finally realising what boundaries are. The straw that breaks etc. Problem is with that, no one realises the real issue (did it myself) when you just say 'sod this!' after a seemingly unconnected event. I would go LC if I were you OP. He is a tool (at the blandest reading of this).

@nimbuscloud we are usually to horrified, but yes there have been arguments. Dd asked him to stop and he said 'why should i'
We are not going to have contact with him again, really wanted others people's thoughts as dm thinks we are overreacting

When someone is like that you should pull them up on their behaviour, not expect your mum to do it.

His behaviour is sexually inappropriate.

Grim grim grim. I’d refuse to have anything to do with him.

He knows exactly what he is doing and nobody stops him

Tell your dm you are sorry her standards aren't as high as yours...
And stay away.

Wow he’s a arse
Keep your distance
Not acceptable behaviour

Hiding in plain sight. Fuck knows what he's thinking if that's what he's comfortable saying out loud.

Your poor DD, good on her for speaking up but how vile of him to speak that way to her in the first place.

There would be no contact with him for me and would fully support a DD of mine making the same choice.

That's so grim. I would stay away.

@youvegottenminuteslynn yeah, who knows what he says/does on private.

I would limit the events they are invited to as a couple, watch him like a hawk around the children and never let him join you in the company of people you respect. You may not share his view but people will think “birds of a feather”…

Don’t distance from your mm though, after all she is still mum.

He sounds hideous. Avoid whenever possible.

He sounds awful. You're right to step away. I remember being a young lass trying hard to breastfeed my now adult DD (I was living with my parents) and the window cleaner told the whole local pub how he saw me feeding my baby when I was on a rare night (couple of hours on diet cokes while the baby was asleep) with my friends. I never forgot that. YUCK.

Some men need to be pulled up on their disgusting behaviour. I wish I'd said something but I was so embarrassed. I told my parents who didn't do anything.
I don't live there now, moved far away!

I think your 18 year old daughter breastfeeding her baby is bloody wonderful. Please tell her she's doing a wonderful job.

Disgusting. Go NC.
If your DM chooses to be with him she can make arrangements to see you and DD independently of him.
If she chooses not to, well, that's unfortunate but stick to your guns. Life is too short to suffer this sort of fool.

That is genuinely disgusting behaviour! You aren't being 'woke' and are fully justified to stay well away!

Tell the weirdo to STFU then go no contact. Your Mum isnt joined to his hip is she, she can meet up with/visit you all without him surely.