Someone tell me what’s happening here!?

[Brimmingfirebox]

So, got talking to a guy off tinder. Seemed nice, swapped numbers, chatted most days for a week or two. Went for coffee. Few days later went to his for takeaway and a film, DTD. He asked me to stay but I went home by choice.
When we first started chatting I said I wasn’t sure what I wanted re relationship / dating. He stated he wanted a relationship but happy to see where things went.

Spoken every day since DTD, but he is very hot and cold. Lots of talk of sex yada yada yada. That’s fine, I said casual was ok. No plans to meet up again.

But he “negs” me quite often, mainly about my looks? But our chats are mainly lighthearted and lots of banter. I give it him back but never make it personal.

He calls me often, moans that I’m rubbish at replying to texts. Then I make an effort and get short replies!
Am I loosing my mind! One minute I feel like he wants more, the next it seems like just a shag. But he’s putting in way too much effort for that surely?

I’d like to say I’m happy for FWB and have been enjoying my single life.

We both have kids, full time, he’s a 10 years older than me. Im 30.

Is he just a narcissist arse hole or is he nervous?
Do I bin him off for the negging or is it just a bit of a joke?

Yep dump him, if it's going to be casual it should at least be fun and enjoyable, he's disrespectful to you by negging you, sod that I'm sure you can find someone else easy enough to boost your ego, this guy is good for nothing.

narcissist arse hole

Dump, but before you do, wait for a neg then yes, make it bloody personal in return.

Then when he loses his shit - for yes, this very much NOT a lovely but 'nervous' arse hole will - just reply with a crying laughing emoji and say 'ah, thought the first time I really gave it back you wouldn't be able to take it. bye-bye, Negging Ned!'

and block

I suspect that it's one of those where the end goal is to make you keener to see him, and keep you focused on him to the exclusion of any other man, but without any committment on his part. I believe that is the end goal for a lot of men these days.

After a couple of dates you should be excited and having fun, not feeling like you're losing your mind! He may or may not be a narcissist, but you aren't comfortable so I'd suggest you get out now while it's still early days. There are much nicer, kinder, more straightforward men out there!

Dump him.

And next time date two takeaway at his? No. Thats no effort for date two!

Ugh end it.

Thank you all for confirming my thoughts!

Tbh it’s the first person I’ve met since being single (18 months) that hasn’t jumped at the chance of something casual haha.

I think he could be a decent bloke but he lets the bravado ruin it.

I’m generally a nice person, but I can’t wait to retaliate with some nasty words in return.

No 20 minutes isn’t enough 😂

Feel free to post some reply material oh wonderful ones!

X

Dump him. He’s an arrogant twat.

Yeah he sounds dreadful.

I don't understand the difference between a neg and a put-down.

Its all new to me too, I think it’s more a back handed compliment rather than an out and out put down.
He’s short of neither.

I think I know what you mean. I went on a date once with a guy who insulted my job, my friends, and my fitness level. I thought he was just letting me know he didn't like me (and you know, likewise). Really surprised when he asked me out again and acted like we were a couple! Was that negging?

@Coffeetree Yes, it was. It was calculated to make you think you weren't good enough for him and to dent your confidence. He did this in order to make you so grateful and relieved when he asked you out again that you'd put up with any old shit henceforth.

Tell him to sod off.

Yikes. Too much effort. Move on.

[quote supremelybaffled]@Coffeetree Yes, it was. It was calculated to make you think you weren't good enough for him and to dent your confidence. He did this in order to make you so grateful and relieved when he asked you out again that you'd put up with any old shit henceforth.

Tell him to sod off.[/quote]
Oh I definitely did. Or rather, I just didn't respond because there was no relationship to 'bin'. I was absolutely surprised that he thought we'd had an enjoyable evening. What a weirdo.

Very immature way for a 40 year old man to behave!

Life's too short. Meet other fellas instead

I think he could be a decent bloke but..
… but he’s not.

@FallonCarringtonWannabe

I think he could be a decent bloke but.. … but he’s not.

Haha so right!

Areshole. He’s doesn’t know how to treat people nicely at the age of 40? I though he was going to be late teens/early 20s by the behaviour you described

Anyone who makes you doubt yourself a few weeks into talking is wasting your time.

You have shagged him after coffee and a takeaway…why? He sounds utterly vile and worthy of being within ten foot of a woman, like alone intimate with one?

I know you say you are happy with ‘FWB’ but you are here posting on mumsnet about what a headfuck he is and how badly he is treating you? You’re selling yourself short if you think you are chill with this situation.

He only texts you about sex, has used the ‘let’s see where things go line’ and isn’t very nice to you, you are also now in takeaway on the sofa category rather than nice dates. It’s pretty clear you are now his FWB whether you wanted to be or not

all the shouts of "NARC" are a bit much aren't they?

"treat em mean, keep em keen" has been a (shitty) tactic for years.
i don't think it's necessarily a sign of a personality disorder!

it's more likely he's just a bit of a dick.

if you think it's bravado or game playing, then bin him off (or call him out on it, if you think he's capable of being a better person).

He sounds delightful!

Get rid PDQ!!

What do you think the F in FWB stands for?