How to keep things exciting when you live together

[Iamsocold888]

I know things can’t be exciting and fresh 24/7, but I hear of couples breaking up as it became stale and they became more like flat mates etc.

I think I’m also particularly sensitive to it as my ex after 3 years together told me he had become bored of the relationship and stopped wanting to spend time with me (and left me for someone he worked with every day, hmmm)

My partner and I get on great, we very rarely argue and are both quite mild-mannered. There are occasions where we don’t have much to say but most of the time we do have a laugh and have interesting conversations.

We both work long shifts so there are a couple of days in the week where we won’t see each other at all, and I suppose this helps.

Just looking for advice about how to stop things going stale and uninteresting from people. Thanks

So you live together now and you're feeling it's starting to go stale?

With the best will in the world this is what happens. Yeah you get couples who are rollicking around having a grand old time day in day out 20 years of coliving later, but I think even when you have that healthy warm energy there's still the all elusive "excitement" that naturally has to fade. The excitement comes from periods spent apart, having a certain element of "otherness" and maintaining a bit of unknown and obviously that evaporates when you're spitting into the same sink and sharing the same bed.

Probably the best thing to do is to accept it and embrace the cosiness that replaces it. Also dont neglect your friends have an evening or two out of the house without each other a week and carry on getting out and about together, cinema, restaurant etc.

I think this depends on your expectations.
I've been with my DH for 16 years and it's still 'fun' in a low key way - ie, we do nice things together and laugh every day. We always have a one-night B&B trip or wi e tasting etc booked to look forward to. But for me, a long term relationship is about comfortable, contented, reliable companionship. It's going to get 'boring' and that's fine with me.

@Minceandonions

I think this depends on your expectations. I've been with my DH for 16 years and it's still 'fun' in a low key way - ie, we do nice things together and laugh every day. We always have a one-night B&B trip or wi e tasting etc booked to look forward to. But for me, a long term relationship is about comfortable, contented, reliable companionship. It's going to get 'boring' and that's fine with me.

Lovely post

Planning is definitely the way to keep things interesting. My friend plans her weekends some two months in advance all the time so there's rarely any weekend where they're not doing something together.

I think that with the stresses and tragedies of life that many couples in long-term relationships have go through periods where it's 'like flatmates' - the important part is being able to come back together and reconnect again and again through good times and bad.

Much of that is good communication, getting over the inertia that can set in where it's just 'easier' to do a bit more work or watch TV, and dedicate time to follow the fun and pleasure with each other, often through planning as a pp said. It will become different as time goes on, but it can get even better.

I've lived with my spouse for nearly two decades, were dating on and a couple years before that, and I honestly cannot recall being as excited as I have the last couple of months where we've had more no responsibility time together alongside our own hobby time. It's been great, and I wouldn't have had that if we didn't get through the 'have we become 'just' friends/co-carers' times.

I don't want exciting, personally. I've got reliable, loving, contented, caring and secure. All relationships evolve and I'm extremely happy with what we now have.

We have Friday night date nights. Get dressed up, light candles, get take out, play games. No TV. It's our chance to have a proper chat and more often than not leads to great sex. If we didn't do this, weeks would go by with us hardly speaking

There is a great book called -Mating in Captivity. Worth a read to get some ideas

My husband and I have been living together for 5 years. I'd say I'm more excited to see him now than I ever have been.
We rarely go out, due to having young DC. But we genuinely enjoy each others company. We always eat dinner together and watch 30 minutes of his choice of (rubbish) TV. Then before bed he will come and snuggle on the sofa to watch my choice of TV to relax before bed.

But even when we are both relaxing in the evening with me watching TV or him gaming, we still will bring each other a snack or a cup of tea to acknowledge each other.

I think I’m also particularly sensitive to it as my ex after 3 years together told me he had become bored of the relationship and stopped wanting to spend time with me

Truth be told, I feel this comes down to the type of person your partner is, as much as what you do. My ex and I did date nights, still had great sex, still did romantic weekends away and got on like a house on fire, but - by their own admission - when someone new and fitter than me showed interest after we'd been together a decade they began to resent being unable to take advantage. Nothing wrong with our relationship - just the didn't value the cosy intimacy PPs have mentioned like I did, and missed the thrilling butterflies of falling for someone fresh, mysterious and undiscovered. They placed greater value on that, so we broke up.

Daresay they'll find themselves in a similar situation when the next 7 year itch kicks in.

Probably the best thing to do is to accept it and embrace the cosiness that replaces it.

Yep I agree with this. Hoping/trying to make things stay exciting and fresh is just going to lead to disappointment. I cringe when I see advice for couples along the lines of "go on a romantic date just like when you first got together". If there is anything guaranteed to make you feel the romance is gone, it's going to a fancy place together and sitting in silence both feeling a bit bored.

Also, it's the length of time together, not living together. I've been in a long term live apart relationship and the honeymoon period lasted about the same amount of time as my long term live together relationship. We still got bored of each other, had silence over dinner, etc.