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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need advice

3 replies

ANON739 · 23/11/2021 19:59

I’ve been with my partner for over 5 years and up until a week ago everything was perfect. We live together in our own home, we’re engaged and live a very happy life.

However, a week ago I stumbled across some messages on his phone (I know! It was stupid) but I’ve been cheated on before and I had this gut feeling that something wasn’t quite right.

The thing here is that the messages are from 2019 - so 2 years ago. And although the messages aren’t awful they do suggest that something may have been going on.

There were only a few messages but one read as follows: ‘Are we doing this or not xxx’ followed by ‘are you ignoring me?’

Now when I look at the dates I remember that he was out on a night out with work, and my gut tells me that he was getting close to a girl he worked with. Now obviously she didn’t respond which suggests that nothing happened on that night.

However, a few days later he also messages asking her out for dinner (I was travelling for a business trip during this time). This time there was a response that said ‘I’m busy this week but can do next week’.

I hand on heart don’t think that anything followed this and he no longer works for the same company and cut all ties with the people he worked with. There were no other messages to any other girls or this girl again so I have to believe that this was maybe a slip up? And that he maybe realised he was doing wrong?! However this has made my head SPIN! And I don’t know what to do now.

I haven’t brought it up or mentioned it to anyone but because I went through his phone I know I have no leg to stand on.

What should I do? My head is a mess.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 23/11/2021 20:17

It seems you have to choices. You can admit that you looked through his phone and ask him about it. Or, given that the messages are two years old and nothing seems to have actually happened, you can let it go. Given that he no longer works for that company or has any ties to her, I'd lean towards the latter.

He got engaged to you. He's living happily with you.

category12 · 23/11/2021 20:22

If you have a gut feeling something isn't quite right, there's probably something else rather than these old messages.

Theturnofthepoo · 23/11/2021 20:23

Well they look dodgy and you’ve now learnt that he is deceptive.

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