Being picky in my next relationship???

[JMC27]

Been single 6 months (following a 4 year relationship).

I have dipped my toe in the dating pool again, however it seems to just be filled with losers, scumbags or time wasters.

Is it wrong to be really picky? I a mean that I met someone that I was keen on, but they werent going anywhere in their life - both in their work and finances.

I am really driven both personally and professionally. I want someone to compliment my life, I am looking for an equal in all regards, I have had enough of carrying someone.

Am I expecting too much?

Short answer, no you aren't, and I would recommend it.

I agree, I am beginning to think you actually can't be too picky if you're a reasonable person

Never settle, it doesn't end well.

@TheTrinity

I agree, I am beginning to think you actually can't be too picky if you're a reasonable person

So whats reasonable?

'Picky' is a negative judgment you are levelling against yourself. 'Expecting too much' is a negative judgment you are levelling against yourself.

Sod that for a packet of biscuits.

Meet people. Date them. If they act the way you want your long term partner to act, keep seeing them. If they don't don't. If they keep you smiling, keep seeing them. If they don't, don't.

That's it.

@JMC27

So whats reasonable

Who do you think decides this?

What do you want out of your next relationship?

Are you wanting to do the 'relationship escalator' date/cohabit/marriage/children?
How old are you?

There's nothing wrong with wanting a partner with similar life goals it depends how much and what you're willing to tolerate about someone how important is attraction and general fancying of someone.

I used to wonder how people found new partners so quickly. We didn't have online dating in my day - the occasional brave soul would advertise in the personal notices column of the newspaper. I remember those dates where I'd find out some deal breaker in the first 15 minutes and be thinking that that was another evening wasted. I had certain things that I was looking for and some of them were immutable - honest, well-educated, and hardworking and kind were things I wouldn't compromise on. Ideally they'd be taller than me, athletic, rich, good-looking and with a delightful family but I accepted that these were the "nice to have" things rather than essentials.

I think some people can be too picky though becuase you won't get perfection. After all, you're not perfect either. In my experience too super charming men who looked good on first glance often got to be super charming because they had a lot of practice with lots of other women. A bit of social awkwardness or bad shoes or whatever are things that can be changed or aren't evident day to day can be looked past but you shouldn't take on a man who is a project.

I picked a good one - we've been married for 28 years. I still look forward to spending time with him.

Why would you not be picky when choosing a partner?!

@Rangoon

I used to wonder how people found new partners so quickly. We didn't have online dating in my day - the occasional brave soul would advertise in the personal notices column of the newspaper. I remember those dates where I'd find out some deal breaker in the first 15 minutes and be thinking that that was another evening wasted. I had certain things that I was looking for and some of them were immutable - honest, well-educated, and hardworking and kind were things I wouldn't compromise on. Ideally they'd be taller than me, athletic, rich, good-looking and with a delightful family but I accepted that these were the "nice to have" things rather than essentials.

I think some people can be too picky though becuase you won't get perfection. After all, you're not perfect either. In my experience too super charming men who looked good on first glance often got to be super charming because they had a lot of practice with lots of other women. A bit of social awkwardness or bad shoes or whatever are things that can be changed or aren't evident day to day can be looked past but you shouldn't take on a man who is a project.

I picked a good one - we've been married for 28 years. I still look forward to spending time with him.

It feels like that dating is too senisble.

When I was 18 I would find someone I liked, we would date bang and either it would continue or not.

Now I am thinking about their job, their outlooks, what they want out of life, whether they want more kids or not, what their penions is like, are they good with money etc,.

Now I am thinking about their job, their outlooks, what they want out of life, whether they want more kids or not, what their penions is like, are they good with money etc

That’s just being an adult, to be honest.

I'm in a similar situation and have come off OLD as I've come to the conclusion that I'm being so picky because I don't actually want a new man!
Honestly life is easier on my own, if someone comes into my life who ticks all my boxed then fine, but I'm certainly not chasing anyone!

@LittleMo234

I'm in a similar situation and have come off OLD as I've come to the conclusion that I'm being so picky because I don't actually want a new man! Honestly life is easier on my own, if someone comes into my life who ticks all my boxed then fine, but I'm certainly not chasing anyone!

@LittleMo234

I agree Op. I also don't want to be chasing anyone - I did that [dating] for over two decades more or less with various degrees of success. I'm a single mother by choice (with a sperm donor) so my lifestyle choices turned out to be quite different in the end.
Life is definitely easier when you aren't looking to 'escalate' a relationship such as cohabitation/marriage/children. Of course, wanting to be attracted to someone/fancying them is important still and actually difficult to find.

What the heck is Date Bang?