Need to rant about my DH

[Gigitree]

I love my DH ever so much, he is my best friend, he is an amazing father to our DD.

But thanks to him WFH since March 2020 I am just SICK OF HIM ALWAYS BEING AROUND 😂😂

At first it was really nice, I was heavily pregnant, then once our daughter arrived it was a god send as she was very colicky and I really don’t know how I would have survived the first few months without him.

I feel so mean because I’m so snappy with him, but OMFG he is just ALWAYS HOME and in my face asking me questions, following me around.

I feel so suffocated. I’m becoming such a mean cranky bitch who keeps trying to get away from him and I feel mean but I just need to have time away from him! He’s going away for work next week and I can’t bloody wait!!!!

No real reason for this post other than I needed to get it off my chest and to see if other people are also suffering from spending too much time with their other half 😂😂😂

Yes! I hear you 😂

I was relieved when dp went back into the office a few days a week and he is gone most days now. Phew! It’s not that I don’t like his company but now I look forward to seeing him when he gets in rather than being irritated by him sticking his head in the main lounge (we have two living rooms) every five minutes to see how I’m doing etc

Enjoy next week! I love my own company ☺️

Here's an opposite view, I'm WFH with 2 days in the office, oh works shifts but has a lot of time off, does over his hours with travelling so gets additional days off. He's been at home for two weeks 🙄
I'm working but when he's home I'm relagated to the spare bedroom whilst he's sprawling about in the lounge then comments on how my working in the spare room can't be good for mental health as it's soooo depressing up there, I'm like fuck off back to work then so that I can work in peace in the lounge😂

Oh and I forgot to add he walks in the bedroom in various states of undress whilst I'm on zoom meetings, my team mates have seen more of him in his under crackers than is good for their mental health 😊

Haha glad I’m not alone @Youknownothingsnow

@Dizzy1234 interesting to get the other perspective but my DH redecorated his home office last year and got a fancy desk that moves up and down so he can sit or stand etc and lots of other swish gadgets to make it comfortable and he has the most amazing view of the country side out the windows, so he can hardly complain, it’s a much more cushy set up than he has at work!
I don’t expect him to stay in his office all day and I do enjoy his company at meal times, but I need my own space to recharge my batteries and between DH and DD I don’t get any!

Oh @Dizzy1234 his undercrackers that made me laugh! They have no shame do they? 😂

I need my own space to recharge my batteries and between DH and DD I don’t get any!

Have you told him this? Sorry if this seems super obvious, but we get lots of posts on here where the issues could be resolved by a straightforward conversation, so thought I’d ask.

From the opposite perspective, I've WFH since 2009 and I'd be most put out if my DP insisted I get back to the office just to get out of his hair. I don't intend to spend a day in an office again and WFH has been such a tremendous benefit to my life that I'd feel pretty selfish to insist someone else couldn't do it.

Is it not your DH's house as well, to spend time in as he pleases? Or is it just your house?

We all need space away from our partners, of course - DP and I give that space to each other even when we're both at home. No following each other from room to room. And yes, it's nice to have the house to oneself, but you can't exactly demand someone else get out of their own home on your account.

I know what you mean. Mine had wfh for years pre covid but he would go to the office once a week, and to odd meetings.

For two years he's been here ALL the time and it does my head in. If I'm at home I feel guilty if I sit down and feel like I should be constantly doing housework (even though he wouldn't give a shit what I was up to)

He also asks me questions about everything "What you having for lunch/what you reading/what you up to/where you going?" I JUST WANT MY HOUSE TO MYSELF!

Haha see you get it @hellcatspangle it’s not necessarily the fact that he is here, it’s the constant interruptions/ questions!

@Saysama yes I have told him this but he is the opposite so I think he struggles to see my side of it or see how when I am getting 10 mins to myself, say having a shower or something him “just popping in” to ask me a question is frustrating.

@gannett haha ok I don’t think you’ve got my point here. But of course he is allowed to be in the house as much as he likes, and I don’t demand to have the house to myself, just having time to myself within the house is also fine, it’s just that he struggles to get his head around this, so him occasionally not being in the house at the same time as me would be a light relief from near constant presence. Of course I’m sure once he does go into the office I’ll end up missing him, such is the fickleness of the human experience.

Might I add I’m due on any day now so perhaps that is more the issue and poor DH just has to put up with my grumbles for a few more days.

You have had a conversation with him, clearly stating that you are becoming frustrated and would like time to yourself on which he doesn’t intrude. And he just continues to intrude anyway because he wouldn’t mind it?

I would have difficulty with my partner not respecting my need for alone time in this way. Particularly if I’d clearly stated what I needed. DP and I both worked from home for circa 18 months, over the 300 lockdowns. And it was marvellous, because we respected each others’ right to breathe!

We’ve both been WFH since march 2020 as well, it was a novelty at first but now I’m getting cabin fever. We went back to our office for 2 days a week from sept and it’s been a blessing! Getting sick of being at home and mine and DH’s jobs, although completely different, both require us to talk a lot and we’re sharing the dining table so sometimes it’s a fight to be heard and we both get louder and louder

He goes away for work in a week and a half for 3 nights and I’ve been planning all the nice things I can do, including getting a Chinese takeaway because he doesn’t like them it’ll be nice to be apart just for something different and for us to miss each other, well I hope he misses me ha!

@gannett

From the opposite perspective, I've WFH since 2009 and I'd be most put out if my DP insisted I get back to the office just to get out of his hair. I don't intend to spend a day in an office again and WFH has been such a tremendous benefit to my life that I'd feel pretty selfish to insist someone else couldn't do it.

Is it not your DH's house as well, to spend time in as he pleases? Or is it just your house?

We all need space away from our partners, of course - DP and I give that space to each other even when we're both at home. No following each other from room to room. And yes, it's nice to have the house to oneself, but you can't exactly demand someone else get out of their own home on your account.

The problem with your pov is that your DP might well say that you are imposing on him your way of living so he either has to go to work toget some space/a break or just accept that you will be around all the time when if he actually needs a break

I actually don’t think that anyone should impose their POV to their partner and that includes imposing to them the fact they are at home all the time when it didn’t used to be the case ‘just because ‘they like it’ or ‘it’s their house too’.

There is a question to ask there about having transformed our houses into offices and the impact it has on a couple.
Houses are not DP1 or DP2 house but DP1+DP2 together so Imo decision like this should be shared and taken together p.

@Dizzy1234

Oh and I forgot to add he walks in the bedroom in various states of undress whilst I'm on zoom meetings, my team mates have seen more of him in his under crackers than is good for their mental health 😊

I agree btw that living together and the working together can be hard work.
There is little to say, you end up in each other way all the time. I know I’m always having to be careful with no making too much noise, I can’t have friends around etc… all because dh is whf in our living room.
Hi dojng that has had a huge impact in me but it’s rarely acknowledged….

I hear you.
My DH and I (no kids) have done really well through the last 18 months. We've kept upbeat and happy with one another (even though we've had the odd niggle to work through), but I think it will be so much healthier to actually go out to work and come home to him! So I've got a new job (there were other reasons for getting the new job too) - leaving my wfh job behind and moving into one with hybrid working.
I think it will be a positive for our relationship!

I have the complete reverse. I’m stuck home with 2 under 2 whilst DH works 60+ hours a week outside the home.

It’s so hard as we can’t eat meals together or keep any sort of adult company routine: I’m usually in bed by the time he gets home and he often works weekends and night shifts.

DH would drive me nuts here all the time though so I can imagine it’s hard at either extreme, there always needs to be a balance.

The problem with your pov is that your DP might well say that you are imposing on him your way of living so he either has to go to work toget some space/a break or just accept that you will be around all the time when if he actually needs a break

WFH predated DP for me so he knew what moving in with me would entail!

Ultimately it's about accepting the other person needs space and working with what you have. Our small-ish flat isn't our ideal space yet, WFH or not, but you just make the best of the space you have.