What to do.....

[Inamess83]

In such a mess.

I'm getting married in February to my partner of 15 years, 1 child. Just a registery office, no guests.

Dresses, rings and suits & brought rings.

My problem is my feelings towards him have changed since we started making plans.

He's very excited and I cant bear to break his heart by cancelling and seperating.

Has anyone any stories of late cancellations?

Oh no. What's changed, do you think?

only changed sinc you started making plans ... Who was the one wanting to get married, and was it something you wanted? Changed to wanting to separate sounds quite a change since making plans to marry...

I've suffered with anxiety over the years. I don't feel particularly happy in the relationship or in life in general. And this has worsened since the day is approaching.

Recently started taking medication, and I've started to think a bit clearer. Nothing particular has changed in him, it's more me. I feel I've just settled due to my anxiety issues and fear of being alone/not finding someone better

@Toohardtofindaproperusername originally it was going to be last year but covid stopped it.

He's been desperate to get married....I could take it or leave it, but I agreed when he proposed to me. Then once we set a new date, I've been having these feelings of dread in me. Can't sleep properly, super anxious, and now feelings of depression

i remember feeling similarly when i was pregnant with my DD and her father proposed. I wasn't excited or happy or feeling crazy in love. Didn't even feel contentment which would have been acceptable. I just felt overwhelming dread. I felt like I should say yes and I did but the engagement didn't last. I just didn't love him like that and I couldn't imagine being married to him for the rest of my life, so I chose to end the engagement and be a single mom instead. still VERY happy with my decision over 25 years later.

I was in the same place you are 12 years ago. My marriage lasted not even 18 months. I really wish I had the strength before I went through with the dreaded day to be honest.
It will only make things harder once those papers are signed.
Marriage can wait... I hope you make the right decision for both your sakes

Oh that's a shame op, small consolation at least that you've realised 3 months before instead of 3 months after.

Practically, I think you need to get any preparation in order. For example, if its his house then make sure you have a place to go sorted before telling him what's what. Even if it's just a case of knowing you can go to your parents. I'd also put any important documents such as your and your child's passport there first too. Also make sure you have your own separate bank account (and your share of any joint account money transfered into it).

Then it's just a case of breaking the news. Which I don't think there is an easy way of doing but you owe him the full truth. That your feelings have changed. Not just something wishy washy about not wanting to get married.

Good luck op!

His heart will get broken eventually. It's better to do it before you tie yourself to him legally and say the vows you know you won't mean.

You could cancel the February wedding or at least postpone it. His feelings of desperation and excitement to get married should never be more important than yours of doubt and dread. 💐

@sunnyzweibrucken yes, people say giving birth and getting married are the best days of your life. But I just don't have that feeling 😔

@bowchickawowwoww @girlmom21 I know, I just feel so guilty and sad that I've not said anything sooner. I've not had the courage, I almost feel that it's easier to just go along with it

@Pinkbonbon thanks for the advice X

@justmuddlingalong thanks, I feel I'm always putting other people's feelings ahead of my own. I wish I wasn't always a people pleaser