Both overwhelmed

[Namebunny]

Hello, Dp and I both been seriously ill, one after the other. The stress of being jolly for the kids and the anxiety being ill brings is horrible. Tho Dp has managed to get a decent job, and I have some part time in a shop, we are both exhausted, overwhelmed and I think we may be depressed. Our house is in an awful state and we are both too scared to spend money on anything. Dp isn’t practical and still has side effects, so it’s up to me to do diy and stuff and run the house and try and earn. I am so anxious and exhausted and I think Dp is too.what to do?

Can you get a cleaner? How old are the kids? If they're over 7, it's time to get them involved in housework.

Sit down as a family and talk through all the jobs which need to be done daily and weekly.
Make a list. Discuss with everyone what they can do...then allocate them.

It will take some nagging. I've only just managed to do this and my kids are 17 and 13!

I wish I'd started sooner. It does them no favours to do everything for them.

Even little kids can clear up their own toys at the end of the day.

I have a chronic illness so feel your pain. This website is ace www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/
Little and often. even if you only manage to sort out 1 drawer a week it will get there. Good luck. Try and go out for a walk to talk about it if you can as in the house it will be an argument.

Spend some of the money on a cleaning firm coming in and doing a deep clean. Think of it as an investment in your family well-being, and you and your DP's mental health. Whether or not you feel a cleaner is a luxury, at the moment it's not. It's a necessity to help your whole family. Totally worth every penny.

My home was in a dreadful state because reasons but I threw out tons of stuff (which took care of trying to tidy up), got my DIL in to help clean (paid her because she's hard up) and between the two of us we got it straight. She still comes round once a week and I pay her well because her help is worth it to me.

In your shoes I'd definitely contact a cleaning firm, explain and ask for a deep clean.

Aww, I really feel how low you are.
My twopennorth: I would say firstly recognise this as a bad patch. A temporary situation and it will not be this hard forever. I reckon everybody has a period like this where it's overwhelming and you don't even know where to start. So try not to feel guilty.
It sounds like you're both suffering so maybe have a proper chat together about how you feel.
A good cry even and a hug might be very therapeutic and remind you both that you're not alone because you have each other's backs.
Then a list. What are your priorities? Don't get in a panic. Maybe pick just the three things that would most make a difference and make you feel a bit more in control.
Which out of you can do each part?
Could you call on anyone for help?
Can you afford to pay for anything that would achieve them?
Perhaps a budget spreadsheet would be a sensible way to begin.
A cleaner - even just once for a spring clean? A babysitter? A handyman?
A GP visit is probably a good idea for both of you.
If you can just make a start, keeping the picture small and simple, things will begin to look more manageable.
And keep talking to each other. If you feel like a team it will reduce the fear and frozen feeling.
Honestly, you can get through this. Just take those first baby steps.

Thank you all. Sorry I vanished for a while, I just found everything, even mn too much! I have been making a super effort to keep the kitchen clean after all your advice, can’t quite run to a cleaner, much as I’d like to. And have been mopping the bathroom every morning. Just quickly, and these two things have made such a difference! There are a lot of other areas where I am completely overwhelmed and can’t face, but I am amazed at how together I feel if the kitchen is cleared. Flylady might well be right about the kitchen sink!
Thank you for your support, it means a lot.

Well done @Namebunny, it sounds like you have made a start, that's often the hardest part. Good luck x

Thank you. Thanks all for support when I needed it you are brilliant. I am trying harder to be clean, I have a cloth hanging up in the bathroom for quick wipes, I make the kitchen clean and wipe the floor each morning. Still huge areas of chaos which I’ll tackle at Xmas. I think half the challenge is hoarding. We are both so scared of being broke that we keep everything just in case. I actually bought new chopping board, yay ( massive achievement) and Dh took old ones out the bin. 😀 baby steps!