Dry spell/does my boyfriend not fancy me?

[cari2898]

I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 4 years now and we’ve recently moved in together. Neither of us have lived with a partner before. I consider him “the one”, if you believe in that sort of thing. Since we’ve moved, it’s been really difficult to adjust to being constantly around eachother, and our flat being so small doesn’t help. He had a period where he was finding it really difficult to settle into the city and felt very homesick, and debated moving home - we argued a lot about it and it was the first time we came close to splitting up. The main issue though, is that we haven’t had sex in about 2.5 months. I’ve always had a higher drive than him and we’ve never been a couple that’s constantly “at it”, but it’s never been this long before. I’ve talked to him about it and I’m either fobbed off with a “soon”, or he gets snappy. I’m just finding it so hurtful when I come on to him and just get pushed away or he leaves the room. I ask him if he fancies me still and he always says yes, and he’s still super cuddly and affectionate and we laugh a lot, like normal, but everything is completely stale in the bedroom. What can I do?

How old are you? There are a few possibilities here.

1 - He's just not that into sex
2 - He's getting it elsewhere
3 - He has a medical issue

If he's uncommunicative then it's hard...you can't make him be honest.

I would tell him that for me, sex is a hugely important part of a relationship and unless he's honest about why he's not interested then I'm moving on.

With the low sex drive thing...him just not being that into it, there's not much you can do. Some people just don't need it that often.

Maybe he is depressed - did he move away from his friends and family to a new city to be with you? If so, that might be it - when one person follows another to a new place because their partner got a new job for example - often causes resentment and unhappiness.

I think that the fact he's fobbing you off is more of an issue. Not wanting to have sex is one thing, but dismissing your partner's need to discuss it and be reassured is on a different level.

I think I'd take the focus off sex, and try to gently find out why he doesn't want to have the conversation.

If you're asking strangers on the internet about what's going on in your most intimate relationship, there's a problem there that's nothing to do with sex.

Is he depressed? Tired? My DH and I usually have sex a couple of times a week but this can wane a bit in times of being busier than usual. Bring it up at a neutral time and ask if there’s anything wrong.

I've gone off my partner sexually when resentful or angry towards them. I've been affectionate and tender feeling towards them but my sexual attraction to them has been stifled. Maybe similar for him

Regardless of the reason, he needs to be honest with you and you need to be able to communicate for the relationship to work. I agree with pp that there must be a reason for it, particularly if he is getting snappy with you. This isn't fair from his end as he is totally disregarding your feelings. Have you tried speaking about this with him calmly, when you are both free etc?

Is he a porn addict ….