Please help me to reason with my partner

[BlueBritish]

Hi all,
I’m really struggling at the minute. Me and my partner have a 17 month old DD, I love her to bits but as most people know they are not always easy. My partner started a new job about 3 months ago and since then our life seems to have gone to pot. He is in a very demanding job which requires a lot of responsibility therefore he is there to 50 hours a week and more. He seems to stay later than he should most days and start early on majority of them too. We’ve had so many arguments as I am not seeing him like I used too. We are not getting quality time together or even as a family and it’s becoming infuriating as the balance is not right. I have my daughter 5 days a week full on and work 2 10 hour shifts on the other days so I don’t get a break and I am doing absolutely everything on my own in the house.

You can't. If he was able to reasoned with he would have listened to you by now.

There’s no magic words we can give you to stop him being a knob

Sadly this is common. My ex husband did this. He would magically get home just after bedtime every day. I swear he sat at work twiddling his thumbs watching the clock until it was late enough for him to leave and arrive home having missed all parenting responsibilities.
He also used to get himself up and out for work every day without thinking about or helping with the kids at all.

He's dead weight. He needs to show up or ship out.

With my ex husband I realised that if we separated I would actually get a break some of the time.

I agree with cakecakecheese. If you need the help of strangers on mumsnet to get your partner to see reason, he's not much of a partner! He should be listening to you and trying to understand your pov even if he doesn't agree with you.

If he's working 50 hours Mon-Fri and you're working 10 hours a day at the weekend, it's just not going to work. If he's not willing (or able) to reduce his hours, your only option is to try and find a part time job during the week and use childcare. That would free up the weekends for family time. But you would have to get him to agree not to work during that time, otherwise there's no point you giving up your job for it.

Does he look after DC while you're working? He must be exhausted if so.