Yes I talk to him about it often, but we go round in circles because we both want our DCs not to be disrupted, so we can’t agree on where we’d live or how we’d allocate rooms etc and we get into heated discussions about the exes - about his having no boundaries and that I wouldn’t want her coming into my house Willy nilly!
And then moving in together would mean I lose my lone parent tax credits and he’d end up subsiding my lower income, so we get into discussions about money - I try not to sound like I’m after him for his money, but have to be honest about how I see things being shared with me on £12k and him on £120k! But he gets defensive about needing to provide for his kids in the future, wanting to save enough to pay for their house deposits and presumably weddings etc so I worry that we’ll end up with a two tier family where he and his are well looked after and I have to fend for myself and be at the mercy of his charity.
He says that I’d need a better paying job (never going to be a £120k job though!), then I feel judged and feel like he is so focussed on providing future security for his kids that he’s making me feel insecure, and like I don’t matter etc and so it goes on!!
When we first met we were in a similar position financially, and we saw our future as a largely equal and shared venture, but his income has increased significantly over 10 years (partly due to me pushing him to go for pay rises, new jobs etc 
) while I have stagnated, but it seems like as he’s done better for himself, the drive to keep things separate so as not to lose any of it has got stronger. He’s also just supported his DB through a divorce and seen how much it has “cost him” to equalise the future living situation between him and his SAHM ex wife. Of course it all seems very unfair from his side, but having been on her side in the past I can see that it’s just marriage doing it’s job of protesting the lower earning spouse. However, it hasn’t helped my cause at all!!
Recently I’ve talked to him about what’s important to me and that even if we don’t live together for the foreseeable - or even ever - I would like a show of commitment to make sure that everyone (and most importantly me!!) knows that we are in this for the long haul.
I’m 47. I won’t want to be someone’s bloody girlfriend! And I we can’t or won’t get married for many years, I’d still like to be engaged so that I feel like up a grade up from where I was the week we met 10 years ago!
I think it’s important to have a shared goal and vision of the future. I too have been scared to say it out loud in case we’re not on the same page. I actually brought it up mid-sex the other night 
. Almost as if I was already vulnerable and being open to him, so why not just let it all out, so I told him I want him to propose, that I want to feel important to him and that don’t care how long it takes. It shouldn’t cost any money, I don’t want an expensive ring, I just want a promise that I mean something more to him than being a girlfriend forever. I think he felt the implication there, that is he’s not willing to do that then he needs to let me go so I can find someone who is, as he took it seriously and has mentioned it a couple of times since.
He did ask afterwards if I’d like to discuss it again “without a gun to his head” but then said that his answer would be the same!
Sorry for the long ramble, just wanted to let you know what our stumbling blocks are in case any of them ring bells for you.
I’d advise that whatever is on your mind, find a time when you can talk openly about it and be vulnerable. And keep talking. Without it, your relationship is only half a relationship because you’re not being honest with him or yourself.