I know what i should do

[Austin]

but there are reasons why I dont. can i just check my name change first

i have two gorgeous children, my youngest being a couple of months old, my eldest is at school. i live in a beautiful house in a nice area kids go to a good school and they have a happy life. why should i change it by moving them to a one bedroom flat in a not-so-nice area and away from their friends?

What sort of life do you have though Austin? xx

Things must be very difficult if you're considering giving up what you have (materially).......

whats wrong in the relationship then?

he comes in from work (he has always worked shorter hours than i do) says hes shattered, plonks his arse on his pc and doesnt go to bed till 3am every night. as i have a new baby (whom he adores) i asked him to help out cause one night i never got the baby down till 11pm and as he was sitting on his arse anyway i could get on with housework while i was getting the baby down. i was called phsychopath and suggested i get medical help!! i dont even want to go on with what else happened cause its been going on for years and yes it probably wont stop but i am strong and would never let my children down and im not leaving

oh dear i dont quite know what to say? why call you a phsycopath? thats horrid. surely if he adores baby he would want to help? sorry i am not much help?

Staying in an unhappy home is not necessarily the 'strong' thing to do. Nor is leaving necessarily letting your children down...... assuming you'd be taking them with you?

Then make HIM leave.

Oh. Thats shit.

he wont go. i told him i was giving him 1/2 hour to leave and i was calling the police - the police didnt want to know. i threatened him with his and my parents. i also wouldnt do that as they are elderly and dont need this

howyoung id youngest baby? have things been this bad for a long time?

sorry about the typo

baby is six months. i have been married for 15 years, the first 10 were fine

Could it be saved? Counselling?

he wont go to counselling and to be honest I dont love him and if I won the lottery Id take the kids elsewhere. Im sorry I sound like I have all the answers and shouldnt be on here asking for help but Ive been pondering this for years now, I have researched all the avenues and it seems no matter what I do I lose.

Ok, money wise you may lose and material wise you may end up with shit all, but mentally is this doing you or the kids any favours?
Ive been split up with my shitty xp for 7 months now, and tonight I looked in the mirror and thought Bloody Hell it wasnt meant to be like this..
But we are all happier. We didnt like each other, the atmosphere was terrible, and this lonely little life is better....different,hard, but better never the less.
I TRYED to fix it. It didnt work. Can you settle? It will only get worse if you dont stop this crap now.

You don't have to leave! See a solicitor. If you are married and get divorced (grounds of unreasonable behaviour) the house is at least half yours. As you have kids you will get more than half. You may well get to live in the house until the kids are grown up and only then will you have to sell and give him some of the equity. He will have to pay towards the kids too.
Get some proper legal advice from a solicitor who knows about divorce.
First year with a baby can be tough, but he is being an arse.
Will he talk about why he's behaving like this? Any clues?

This isnt a new thing, its been going on for years. Hes not having an affair I know that for a fact and to be honest of he was I wouldnt give a shit. He doesnt have the energy for an affair, let alone have the energy for me and the kids. Every Xmas he takes two weeks off so we can spend time "together as a family" and every year for the last seven years he has faked some illness and spent two weeks in his bed, he does get up at 4am though to catch up on emails. Last Xmas I had to hear all about this illness he had developed and he "just felt constantly sick" (I was four months PG at the time and not yet over my daily sickness and I still had to get off my arse and take ds to parties etc.

Who are these emails from at 4 am then?

he doesnt receive them at 4am, he replies to them at 4am and dont worry Im an IT person so have checked. as horrid as he is, hes not having an affair.

ok honest answer i would leave and start fresh.

sounds horrible.

but then you are entitled to half the house...... maybe get legal advice asap???

not everything is coming down to money. The kids love their daddy why should i be the one (as they will see it just now) who shatters that

but why should they grow up with the relationship between you two as it is? my parents divorced when i was younger and as a result i had two happy homes. i will not deny i found it difficult in my teens. but i would not change how it was at all. i would not have liked growing up thinking the relationship between my parents was a normal one or wondering why they were together. i hope that makes sense?

thank you all.

thank you all.