Did your partner ever change?

[Wonderinglyy]

Hi all

I’ve found myself in a situation where I’m wondering can people change for the better?

Or do you accept them as they are and if the relationship isn’t working due to their “unchangeable” traits, do you call it a day and walk away and let them be someone else problem?

Would love to know if there was anything that was slowly finishing off your marriage/relationship and if your partner changed or did you end up walking away?

Also would love to hear from those who stayed and accepted the flaws even though they were unhappy?

I understand many will say it depends on the flaw. In my relationship it is anger, my partner gets angry/stressed/irritated/tense very easily and I'm a very patient person. We collide a lot.

I don’t believe that anyone has a fixed personality. We can probably say that all of us have some traits that improve, some decline and some don’t change. We’re not all on a lifelong character decline! I think knowing that your behaviours are upsetting someone you care about can be incentive enough to change.
Was your partner always an angry person?

Do you have children? Don't stay with an angry man if you plan them.

Regardless, people sometimes change. It's as frequently for the worse than the better. And never because their partner was wishing and hoping.

People can change (extreme exceptions aside)… but only when they recognise they have shit they need to deal with.

If your partner is willing to go to therapy and do the work to unpick his anger and heal from whatever the root cause is - then yeah course he can change and course your relationship could survive.

But without significant investment in therapy and self development then there’s a tiny to non existent chance you’ll naturally solve his issues by chance and live happily ever after.

I find people can evolve and develop over time but rarely change. And if they are blind to their flaws it is because it is in their nature and part of their DNA. So someone without a sense of humour is unlikely to develop one. Has he always been like this or has something changed?

Your partner probably does not want to be angry/stressed etc but there are things or situations which make him feel this way. Some people are more reactive and others have a more tolerant mindset. It just depends whether you want to accept this is the way he is or not.

I believe people can change, however I wouldn't want to stay with someone that I wanted to change, and felt like we had to work at that happening.

Mine changed for the 'worse' almost within weeks of us getting married (after 2 years together) - I was left thinking wtaf?! Where did he go...We separated after 16 more years of bad/good/bad - but a nastiness/level of control I had NO inkling of whilst 'courting'...
But there's also a lot of 'good'/kindess/support - so it's complex. We're having joing marriage counselling & separate sessions with the same counsellor. All with a view to reconciling 'eventually'... I HAVE seen changes/awareness... Of course it wasn't 'only' him - but my faults/issues weren't as damaging... it's HIM who's been apologising/gaslighting/repeating the same behaviour for almost twenty years...

He's since modified his behaviour/DOES seem to have a lot more awareness of how 'things' can hurt others. Whether there's still a 'nasty/cruel' man in there - am unsure & totally risk-averse/NOT rushing to live together anytime soon. So we're 'dating' & seeing what happens with no 'promises' from me. And I've found it very very hard as yet to forgive or forget - but that's not my fault. It will take time... I can see his 'efforts' - but then question why being 'thoughtful' is an effort....

Yes I believe people can change. My husband was abusive for a long time. He would get extremely paranoid, didn't trust me and a lot of other horrible memories I don't want to go into.

When he got to about 40 he suddenly changed. He stopped all the stupid behavior and hasn't been that way for years.

I've been with him for 17 years now.

Now, I won't lie. I DID leave him for a few months and then came back. And then he started having seizures... The doctors gave him medication and POOF... He just changed for the better. And now my marriage is lovely. We support one another and he listens to me. He never calls me a nasty name and he does things (like cooking and the dishes, I don't mean extravagant things as we're broke) for me on a daily basis.

HOWEVER, I wouldn't give this as advice to a woman being abused etc as I know this would probably not be the case for her.

Also, it depends on context etc too. But yes, I know people can change.

Hopefully for me it stays this way.

No, sorry

No, he didn’t.

He has behaved in a very similar way with subsequent girlfriends.

No they didn't change

First boyfriend:
Cheated on me

Still cheats on his wife of 15 years 😱

Second:
Swore he had adhd
15 years later diagnosed with adhd

Third: addict gambling

Still at it!! 5 years later

No one changes

How old are you.
My DH get's angry when he is anxious about things, any thing nowadays (as we get older) - bluddy annoying.
I am training myself to ignore and not take it on board.

My ex didn't so I left.

My husband has changed a lot and is much better than he was.