Tips for surviving heartbreak

[thenextmrsjonsnow]

Hi all.
Broke up with the love of my life yesterday because there is no future in it. We see each other once a week and he is content with that. He says he has gone as far as he can, doesn't want to live together and neither of us had been truly happy for a while. He has arranged to collect all his stuff next week.
I feel so sad but also numb. Struggling not to contact him. Just can't quite believe it is over after three years.
So, I am after your top tips for surviving those first few weeks.
Thanks all

Remove him from all social media etc so you're not tempted to keep checking on what he's doing. Keep yourself busy with friends/family. Make some nice plans so you have things to look forward to. Start a new book or podcast. Reorganise your house - wardrobes/kitchen cupboards etc. Mostly, just be kind to yourself. Lots of "self care". Try to avoid alcohol if possible as that can be a trigger to contact or dwell on the situation. For you

Quickest way for me was to reorganise my home. Made my favourite meals for a week. Watch my own choice of TV.
Then had a sex fuelled fling with a hunky soldier for 2 months.
Then fresh as a daisy emotionally I met my be dh 3 months later!!
9 years later exh never enters my mind.

OP I'm not gonna lie - it took me about 4 years to properly get over the love of my life. BUT....the best thing you can do is put all reminders of him (literally) into a box for future reference when it's time for him to be a pleasant memory. I archived all of his emails into a folder, moved all photos on to a memory stick that I hid at the bottom of a drawer (I still haven't looked at them) and put all gifts into a box in a drawer. Then as others have said - remove him from all social media and be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief.

This was me a year ago, although for different reasons.

Things that really helped were: not drinking any alcohol. Everything seemed worse when I was drunk/hungover. Plus it prevented any ridiculous decisions.

Taking some time to really look after me. I bought all the foods I usually save for a special occasion, bought new clothes, had long baths, watched my favourite films. Basically anything that gave me a hint of happiness I did.

Deleted him off everything. I mean everything - number, messages, emails, photos. I did send a few photos to my friend in case I wanted to look at them in the future, but I never did. It’s horrendous doing it, but not being able to scroll back through anything really helps in the long run.

Told my friends how hard it was and didn’t put on a brave face so they could support me appropriately. Don’t lie and say you’re ok when you’re crying every day. People like to help, let them.

Got out and about. I used to go for massive walks when I was really low and think about everything with headphones in. It helped me work through what was happening and the exercise gave me a bit of endorphins to get through the evenings.

Cried. A lot! And wrote a lot of letters I never sent.

Told myself that even if I felt horrendous right now at this very moment it wasn’t going to last forever. At some point you will be ok. And you have to concentrate on that without hiding how you feel right now.

A year on I am in a very good place and rarely think about that time in my life.

You will be ok. Honestly. Every day you will feel a tiny bit better, even if it’s a minute longer in between crying. The first few weeks are absolutely horrendous, but (and I know this sounds blasé) you’ll suddenly be 2/3/4 months down the line and realise you can’t remember how awful it was at the beginning.

Sending you lots of support and I hope this helps if only a tiny bit

Hey I am 4 weeks down the road from where you are, wed been together for 2.5 years and I thought we were soul mates... he met someone else and dumped me.
It still hurts awfully but I am getting glimpses of life when I’m not anxious or crying and I can see an end to my pain. Just give yourself time.

Only listened to Eminem, all other music is sort of associated with being in love.

Got angry and used that energy by going to the gym a lot and getting super fit. Which in turn made me feel great.

Write down (or type up) all your feelings about the relationship - to the last bitter detail. It's cathartic and will get it out of your system.

Thank you all for your lovely comments and advice. There are so many good suggestions here that I can try.
At the moment my emotions are coming in waves. One minute I feel quite calm and accepting that it had no real future so eventually would have had to end; the next I feel real panic and huge anxiety that this is the worst mistake of my life and I need him back. The silence is the worst bit. Wondering what he is doing, how he is feeling, whether he cares. And I am so impatient for time to pass and for me to feel a bit better. Thank you so much for helping in this hideousness!

My boyfriend of 4 yrs decided last to blocked me on everything after an argument (which he caused) then I found out he joined a dating site. It's obviously over but without any closure which is hard. I have waves of upset and anger but I know I'm better off in the long run there were red flags I chose to ignore. I wrote out a cons list and look at this when I feel said. I'm going to the gym more and have started reading again. I've had to do this once before and know I can do again. You will be fine just take the time to heal.

Thank you so much @Theoneandonlyjrae
Ooh I just learnt how to tag people! I woke up feeling really awful but have kept busy with the kids. Have listened to suggestions on here and made a decent meal and put pictures and reminders of him away. Did send him a couple of messages though so not been a complete success! Trying not to obsess about how he is feeling, whether he misses me etc but that bit seems the hardest!! Looking forward to work so I am distracted all day long! Best wishes to you all and cannot thank you all enough x

Stop thinking he is the love of your life, he wasn't good enough for long term. Keep thinking of your ideal relationship for you and the commitment you need next time, you have ended it for a very good reason.

I expect you will go through different emotions, missing him, disappointment, anger, 3 years was along time and will take a while to heal.

You might wait until you're fully healed to go into the next relationship but a bit of flirting in the mean time will boost your confidence or a career focus, decorating the home etc you need a distraction from him.

I was 6 months nc until last week the ex pops up in message and was feeling completely fine until then, stirred my emotions a bit but im staying strong and remembering why he's an ex!

I am a year and a half down the road from a messy break up. I don't feel ready to date yet/nor do I find anyone interesting, attractive enough to even contemplate a romantic relationship with.

I'm sure there's someone out there who might be a more suitable partner, but equally there might not be. In my case it was a set of circumstances that contributed to the break up rather than personality incompatibilities.

We're no longer in contact, it was too painful to remain friends as neither of us could behave like normal friends. I'd say NC works in the long run although it is very hard at the beginning.