How often

[shoeshshoes]

Do you and your partner have a night out? By a night out I mean just the 2 of you.

We try to every couple of months. Not always possible but if we can't go out we try to have a Saturday night, kids either in bed or in there rooms, cook something special together, few glasses of wine and music on

At least twice a month. We are childfree but work shifts - we'd be out a couple of times a week otherwise.

Twice a week, sometimes more. But that isn't helpful for you.

We are both 50+ and don't live together. Both set of children are 18+

When I was with the kids dad it wasn't very often at all. Maybe once a year. With baby sitters etc it was easier to go out separately.

@DDUW

Can you give some indication of why you are asking OP? Everyone has different circumstances so their answers may not be relevant to you. I will say that I would not settle for not going out in a relationship now, not that I am likely to ever find myself in a relationship now. Would you like to go out more with your partner?

Been with do 2 years (we don't live together) I live with my ds and he lives with parents. He goes out once or twice a week with friends/work but I think the last time we went out was 3/4 months ago. He stays with me around 3/4 nights a week but we don't go out unless it's with the kids (he also has a ds he sees once a week on the weekend). Childcare isn't a problem for me so that's not the reason. I just feel like I'm stuck at home while he's out living his life. Just feeling a bit bored today I think (while he is at the pub with friends again).

He isn’t interested in spending time with you. If childcare isn’t an issue and he has the time and money to go out with friends several times a month then that’s the reason. It’s either ultimatum or break up time.

The relationship is great in every other way, he's caring and great with my ds. I just feel like I'm at home and he's out living his life going to all the places I was going when I was childfree and single. I have brought it up but now feel like a nag and I don't want to be the sort of person who stops someone meeting up with friends. I meet up with friends but only really for play dates.

Sorry to say but your partners taking advantage of you OP. Considering you don’t even live together you should still be on your honeymoon period 2 years in!

Is it something you have spoken to him about?
Could you join him when he's out with his friends or is it a case of you're not invited?

Before having our son my DP and I used to go out on "date night" once a month but we would go out to the pub at least once a week but we would meet up with other people there, be that his friends or mine etc, it wasn't just the two of us. We would make separate time for that.

Now that we have DS we still try to go out just the two of us once every month or every other month but every night once we put DS to bed we'll watch an hour or two of telly together which I also see as quality time together.

Talk to him about it, he may not be realising how you're feeling. If he isn't willing to go out more the two of you then you know where you stand

Probably four times a year just the two of us. But we go out with friends fairly often too, jointly or separately.

You say you've brought it up, but have you tried actually arranging something? It sounds like you're expecting him to organise it?

We usually do a day out with both our dc once a week so I think he counts that as us going 'out'. Am I wrong to not think that's enough? I've always been a really sociable person and before ds would be out a few times a week with work/friends so it's hard for me to just do nothing other than play dates and days at the park.

@LoveComesQuickly

You say you've brought it up, but have you tried actually arranging something? It sounds like you're expecting him to organise it?

When we do go out we usually decide together where we are going. It's not left to either of us to arrange. We just discuss it and someone will book.

@LoveComesQuickly

You say you've brought it up, but have you tried actually arranging something? It sounds like you're expecting him to organise it?

Also, when we do go out it usually ends after lunch/dinner and 3 drinks then home. His days out with friends/colleagues usually last the whole day or night. I know it's ridiculous to compare how long a night out lasts but that's also part of the problem.

As often as we can get a babysitter, which is usually every 2-3 months but in December we have 2.

2 years together, we do live together, no DC (but then childcare you said isn't a problem anyway for you) and I'd say we probably go out for dinner once a month or so just the two of us, and breakfast, brunch, lunch or the pub on a Saturday probably the same amount.

We go out together but with friends in between that.

Would possibly be more than the above but we're saving for our wedding at the moment.

If he would be coming to yours on a Wednesday night (for example) anyway, just arrange a babysitter and book a table and then mention it the weekend before? See what his reaction is?

We go out (for lunch/dinner) about once a week…but we are married and child free so it’s much easier. I can totally understand you feeling like you do. Have you spoken to him about it? In my experience some men can be…a bit emotionally unaware, but if you TELL them what you want…..e.g. I feel that you spend more time with your friends than you do with me. I would like us to go out x time a month as a couple and I would like you to arrange it……he probably will? My DH is the smartest man I know, business wise, but emotionally….not so much! It’s not intentional, he WANTS to make me happy, he just needs some pointers..!

There are three ways you can go out more - ask your DP to organise proper date nights out, say you’d like to join on some of his nights out with friends (would only work if he has some couple friends rather than lads!) or go out with your own friends?

Having more date nights seems like an easy fix - I organise all of our date nights, I’ll just make a booking and ask if he’s free. If I left it up to DP we would be complete homebodies, but he is happy to oblige if I’ve organised something (luckily I really love organising things or this wouldn’t work). We also socialise a lot together with our couple friends, these are mostly my friends but occasional with his friends - his are a bit older and more spread out though.

My point is, you have the power in your hands to get out more! :)