His family comes1st

[MrsRAF]

We have been invited to a family meal DH side of the family neither my DH or DS like the cuisine so I suggested in front of MIL that we give it a miss. This resulted in a screaming match between myself and DH. DH is a fussy eater and in the past he has missed a big family meal for my side of the family and 2 weddings if my friends. I go alone and make excuses. When my family book anywhere they take into account his fussy eating habits yet his family don’t do the same. Does anyone else find their partners will do for their side if the family?

The food is a red herring. He feels entitled to skip your family things but you are not allowed to skip his.

The food thing is real, but for his family he will phone the restaurant and get an alternative for meal but when it’s my side he won’t bother. I just think if you don’t like the food you just don’t go. Not a problem for me as I will try anything.

So your DH was angry that you suggested missing a family event? Has he been able to explain, since, why that made him so angry?

Yep, the food is a red herring. You can usually find something to eat or call ahead and ask them to make you something plain. Once I’ve even brought a pack of spaghetti to a Thai restaurant when my 2 year old went through a only eating spaghetti phase and they were happy to cook it for him. Your DH doesn’t want to go to your events and has used the food as an excuse - now, when you’ve done the same, it’s unacceptable to him. Both of you are unreasonable to use the menu as an excuse not to attend something, but he is also an arsehole for holding you to a much higher standard than he holds himself.

If he wants to go to his thing then it’s fine. However, I would expect him to do the same thing for my family stuff (at least the important events).

I haven’t done the same. I’ve just suggested giving it a miss as my DS who isn’t fussy doesn’t really like anything either. (It’s a very limited children’s menu). I just got annoyed when they said ‘it’s family’ and I said ‘ yes your family if it was mine you wouldn’t bother’. I also listed to my MIL the things he’s missed in the past and that left her with nothing to say. The family thing just seems one sided. I’ve never used the menu as an excuse not to go there’s always something I will eat as I’m not fussy.

Of course his family come first. My DP is the same.... will never change. Stand your ground on this one if you can. Or next time he pulls out of your family gathering stomp your feet like he has done.

Maybe he only feels comfy asking for an alternative in front of his family not yours?

You don't sound like you like each other very much tbh. I hope this "screaming match" you had wasn't in front of your child?

Can your DS not just have some chips?

Most menus at least have chips.

Just agree from January you wil see your family and he can keep his sweet..

@MrsRAF

I haven’t done the same. I’ve just suggested giving it a miss as my DS who isn’t fussy doesn’t really like anything either. (It’s a very limited children’s menu). I just got annoyed when they said ‘it’s family’ and I said ‘ yes your family if it was mine you wouldn’t bother’. I also listed to my MIL the things he’s missed in the past and that left her with nothing to say. The family thing just seems one sided. I’ve never used the menu as an excuse not to go there’s always something I will eat as I’m not fussy.

I agree he's U for making exceptions for his own family but now yours.

However, I think you're U dragging your MIL in to it, of course she didn't know what to say

I can't believe he's missed weddings because of the food???? How self absorbed can one be?

He shouldn't be angry for you suggesting this but I wouldn't have done this in front of MIL. She didn't need to be dragged into it.

Was your child there when you had the screaming match?

The MIL dragged herself into into it. I said to him we might have to give it a miss and she overheard and told me well it’s family thing. This is the first raised voice argument we’ve had in about 15 years and no it wasn’t in front of our child. We normally don’t argue. I’m just annoyed that for his things he finds a solution but not for mine.

If I were you I’d just not go.
My DH didn’t request a day off when my DB got married, yet he’d jump through burning hoops for his lot.

I wouldn’t go, let him go on his own

Then in future when he cries of things with your family you know it’s his choice she nothing to do with the meal

The food is just an excuse to get out of your family things obviously. Wedding food isn't exactly exotic even the fussiest of eaters will like something on the menu. What sort of a grownup misses events due to the menu?! Gobshite.