Occupation Order success stories

[roocha]

Can anyone hold My hand here and help give me some confidence - keep hearing occupation orders not easily granted and courts expecting the non mol to be enough while living u set same roof. My dv lady told me this again yesterday from another client and it's terrified me. We can't live like this any more.
What evidence / reasons helped get you brave women an occupation order ? I'be sought lots of advice and there may also be possibility that a non mol could have an exclusion zone added while the occupation order is debated ?

Police and my DV support worker have advised me to seek non mol and occupation orders. Abusive ex refusing to move out. Previous violence on me and one of my DS. Now mainly psychological : verbal coercive gaslighting : threats intimidation etc. He videos me constantly saying it's evidence of my madness - DS has got hold of the videos via the cloud and they show me being verbally abused and threatened ( although not the worst of it ) and me being rational defending myself against his tirades.

I have the videos , police incident numbers, referral to dv support and letter , gp and school aware , had some social services calls to check safety of me and DS , friends / family who have witnessed or had me to stay.

I spoke with NCDV who took at statement but I'm not happy that it shows how constant and bad it is so am looking at either going myself with forms or using flows / courtnav. Don't qualify for legal aid but am unemployed so will need to do the first hearings alone.

@roocha

Can anyone hold My hand here and help give me some confidence - keep hearing occupation orders not easily granted and courts expecting the non mol to be enough while living u set same roof. My dv lady told me this again yesterday from another client and it's terrified me. We can't live like this any more. What evidence / reasons helped get you brave women an occupation order ? I'be sought lots of advice and there may also be possibility that a non mol could have an exclusion zone added while the occupation order is debated ?

Police and my DV support worker have advised me to seek non mol and occupation orders. Abusive ex refusing to move out. Previous violence on me and one of my DS. Now mainly psychological : verbal coercive gaslighting : threats intimidation etc. He videos me constantly saying it's evidence of my madness - DS has got hold of the videos via the cloud and they show me being verbally abused and threatened ( although not the worst of it ) and me being rational defending myself against his tirades.

I have the videos , police incident numbers, referral to dv support and letter , gp and school aware , had some social services calls to check safety of me and DS , friends / family who have witnessed or had me to stay.

I spoke with NCDV who took at statement but I'm not happy that it shows how constant and bad it is so am looking at either going myself with forms or using flows / courtnav. Don't qualify for legal aid but am unemployed so will need to do the first hearings alone.

Oh and I've long suspected he is using drugs again and this week took screenshots of him selling drugs to a friend Not the kind of father ad role model is hoped for my lovely boys. Someone come rescue us please !

Have you tried rights of women?
Can get legal advice.

Why can't you get legal aid?
Have the police been involved?
Can yiu report what you have to the police to strengthen your case?

I was successful with getting a non mol and occupation order wrapped into one, with a zonal element around my road and both kids' schools. It was granted for a year and had powers of arrest attached. Similar to you I had police reports plus a long list of incidents in my statement. I did have a solicitor though but my exH had to self represent. He was incredibly arrogant in court and minimised everything; the Judge saw through him thankfully and it was all over in less than 10 minutes. He didn't help himself by threatening me in the waiting room while my solicitor popped to the loo beforehand....this was witnessed and was referenced immediately as we went in front of the Judge.

You sound like you have more impartial evidence than I did so that is a real positive. If you can afford a solicitor somehow I would recommend it. It is a very stressful process and having her there next to me really supported me.

Happy to answer any questions because my experience goes beyond that incident but I was incredibly lucky to have all agencies/police on my side and I was well supported. Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

@Moretodo

Have you tried rights of women? Can get legal advice.

Why can't you get legal aid?
Have the police been involved?
Can yiu report what you have to the police to strengthen your case?

Thanks for your reply. I started calling the police in August. They immediately referred me to local women's aid as a person of risk. I have about 6 calls logged and told them of historic threats and violence. I also called them a year ago for violence to my son but he fled and they never followed it up. He's been told to leave the house on a few occasions and been taken in for voluntary questioning and denied what I reported. They keep telling me to keep calling. But feel like unless he uses violence they won't arrest. I've begged them for a DAPO so I can safely make the orders without him here.
DS taking GCSES this year and eldest is 18 so refuge etc is not an option. I have savings for my sons future ( not a huge amount ) and a lot of equity in the home and was advised by a solicitor as no recent actual violence legal aid may not be granted or they will want a lump sum of the majority of the savings towards it. I would def need to get legal help if this went to a contested but the first few hearings are very short I understand and I have the witness statement NCDV did that I can use as a guide.

@Moretodo

Have you tried rights of women? Can get legal advice.

Why can't you get legal aid?
Have the police been involved?
Can yiu report what you have to the police to strengthen your case?

And I can never get through to rights of women when I tey but will persevere - their website is v helpful. Thank you again

@KintsugiForever

I was successful with getting a non mol and occupation order wrapped into one, with a zonal element around my road and both kids' schools. It was granted for a year and had powers of arrest attached. Similar to you I had police reports plus a long list of incidents in my statement. I did have a solicitor though but my exH had to self represent. He was incredibly arrogant in court and minimised everything; the Judge saw through him thankfully and it was all over in less than 10 minutes. He didn't help himself by threatening me in the waiting room while my solicitor popped to the loo beforehand....this was witnessed and was referenced immediately as we went in front of the Judge.

You sound like you have more impartial evidence than I did so that is a real positive. If you can afford a solicitor somehow I would recommend it. It is a very stressful process and having her there next to me really supported me.

Happy to answer any questions because my experience goes beyond that incident but I was incredibly lucky to have all agencies/police on my side and I was well supported. Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

Thank you so very much for your lovely reply. These "men" are hat are they like. I'd like to say I can't believe he had the audacity to threaten you in court - but it doesn't surprise me at all. My ex keeps telling me the oikixe are on his side as they can see how mad I am - of course they are - that's why they deemed me at risk and referred me urgently to local women's aid! The last call he had videos me screaming and swearing at me calling me all kinds of names and then aggressively charges towards me as I run off - and as I'm calling the police he says he didn't do anything just told me to leave him alone ! And he says I'm delusional !

If you don't mind me asking - were many or recent incidents with you physical abuse ? Did you both own / joint tenants ? Was he living at the house when you went to court ? What do you think convinced the judge to agree to the occ order ? All of our mental health and well-being is effected and he can afford easily to rent or move in with his parents. I don't want my kids dreading on eggshells or worse being arrested for protecting me.
Xx

He'll be telling you the police are on his side to try and unsettle you and convince you to stop what you are doing. Once I got to the point of police and court involvement, I literally stopped listening to a word my exH said. It was all manipulation and emotional abuse and he hated my lack of engagement because that meant he was losing his control.

Most of the abuse was emotional and coercive control. But the non mol was granted in an emergency hearing while he was on bail for an incident that involved the police having to break in to save myself and my kids when we had locked ourselves in the bathroom. He had kicked the back door in and chased me up the stairs. This was the culmination of about 8 years of ever increasing abuse. The house was mortgaged but in my sole name and he was living at his Mum's when we went to court as part of the bail conditions at the time. It was rushed through the day before the bail ended as he would have been able to just return home (though I did change all the locks at the advice of the police). I think the police evidence and my statement helped, my solicitor was kick ass as well. I'd recommend her if you live in the South East of London? I think the judge also took into account my daughter's statement as she witnessed the incident that led to the bail terms and was 9 at the time. She gave a video statement with support of her headmistress as the police thought that would be less stressful than doing it at the police station. I think also, it was very clear in court I was afraid of him and I was physically shaking.

Just to give you some hope, I got granted a non molestation order against my psychopath ex within 5 minutes.. My idva applied for it as my former solicitor at the time just faffed about.. The hearing literally lasted 5 minutes. I had a statement and screen shots and there was an extensive police history. The non molestation order was extended in the summer this year and I'm also about to apply for another extension based on multiple breaches.. The police are also applying for a stalking protection order. Don't give up hope xx if you've got evidence, which it sounds like you do... It'll be granted x

@KintsugiForever

He'll be telling you the police are on his side to try and unsettle you and convince you to stop what you are doing. Once I got to the point of police and court involvement, I literally stopped listening to a word my exH said. It was all manipulation and emotional abuse and he hated my lack of engagement because that meant he was losing his control.

Most of the abuse was emotional and coercive control. But the non mol was granted in an emergency hearing while he was on bail for an incident that involved the police having to break in to save myself and my kids when we had locked ourselves in the bathroom. He had kicked the back door in and chased me up the stairs. This was the culmination of about 8 years of ever increasing abuse. The house was mortgaged but in my sole name and he was living at his Mum's when we went to court as part of the bail conditions at the time. It was rushed through the day before the bail ended as he would have been able to just return home (though I did change all the locks at the advice of the police). I think the police evidence and my statement helped, my solicitor was kick ass as well. I'd recommend her if you live in the South East of London? I think the judge also took into account my daughter's statement as she witnessed the incident that led to the bail terms and was 9 at the time. She gave a video statement with support of her headmistress as the police thought that would be less stressful than doing it at the police station. I think also, it was very clear in court I was afraid of him and I was physically shaking.

Omg horrific - I'm so sorry you and your children went through this and bless your lovely daughter how brave was she. Huge hugs. So glad you are all safe and abuse free hopefully -although I know they still try to regain control.
Thankfully my boys are older so no contact / custody to fight over. He's just announced he is going out tonight which is great we can laugh and breathe tonight - but preparing myself for mood swings tomorrow and 999 on speed dial. I almost want another huge incident to happen so police remove him and I can do the emergency order v quickly - which sounds awful I know.
We go through so many emotions don't we - I do see his gaslighting etc for what it is but it still scrambles my head at the time as it's so irrational. I am working on not responding or trying to point out his nonsense because he's never going to say "hey you're right , I'm a narcissist, abusive lowlife , I'm so sorry I'll move out" And they all seem to follow the same methods and hymn sheet - makes me cringe with shame that I got into this mess as I know what I'd be advising friends in this scenario. It just grinds you down without you realising doesn't it.

And yes please for solicitor suggestions although we are West London x

Oh.. My ex said he was specially assigned a safeguarding police officer for his own protection from me 🤣.. Just complete hot hair.

@Sharletonz

Just to give you some hope, I got granted a non molestation order against my psychopath ex within 5 minutes.. My idva applied for it as my former solicitor at the time just faffed about.. The hearing literally lasted 5 minutes. I had a statement and screen shots and there was an extensive police history. The non molestation order was extended in the summer this year and I'm also about to apply for another extension based on multiple breaches.. The police are also applying for a stalking protection order. Don't give up hope xx if you've got evidence, which it sounds like you do... It'll be granted x

Thank you so so much. How do we find these "men". He calls me a psychopath / narcissist amongst other things in his rants and I stand there thinking ok I know this is all projection but it's so frightening as I just don't know if he will carry out his threats to kill me etc. So sorry you still need protection but glad you are being supported and he's the strength to get out. I've only just started speaking about how bad it has got and coming to terms with it all. Most of all it's fear and shame and so much guilt that I didn't stand firm when I made him leave when the boys were younger. Keep safe and happy x

@Sharletonz

Oh.. My ex said he was specially assigned a safeguarding police officer for his own protection from me 🤣.. Just complete hot hair.

Hilarious ! And they say we're delusional ! It makes me so cross with myself that idiots like this can frighten us so much I've been logging in his phone lately - as mastermind uses his birthdate as his pin ! Seeing in black and white what he is and that all this "evidence" he has of me being a nut job is just gaslighting nonsense has helped clear my mind. My DV lady laughed yesterday when I said I keep deleting random stuff on his phone and she said I'm gaslighting the gaslighter !

Thank you @roocha, yes I was so proud of her and of course still am. She's nearly 12 now and thriving. My son also stood up in a lesson (he was 7) about domestic abuse and told his story unprompted and told his class mates to tell someone they trust if they are ever scared. He said I was his hero. I don't think I've been more proud of them and how they have processed all this turmoil of those years. They were the reason I got out.

Like @Sharletonz my ex breached the non mol multiple times so having powers of arrest attached is really important. Ultimately he was found guilty every time, we ended up with an 8 year restraining order and he was found guilty of assault against me in a criminal case as part of one of the breaches. Stalking like pp says also gets common but Palladin are amazing if you ever get to that stage. He was sectioned and diagnosed as having NPD (malignant) and sociopathy. These people are very dangerous to your mental and physical health.

The only way is to cut them from your life. It sounds like you have a really strong case, I would feel confident with your level of evidence.

I used Thackray Williams who have offices in South East London. They have a brilliant Family law team and I didn't have a partner represent me so fees were kept lower. They were exceptional.

I honestly wish you all the best. I know what it's like but you can do this and life the other side is the difference between darkness and technicolour. X

@KintsugiForever

Thank you *@roocha*, yes I was so proud of her and of course still am. She's nearly 12 now and thriving. My son also stood up in a lesson (he was 7) about domestic abuse and told his story unprompted and told his class mates to tell someone they trust if they are ever scared. He said I was his hero. I don't think I've been more proud of them and how they have processed all this turmoil of those years. They were the reason I got out.

Like @Sharletonz my ex breached the non mol multiple times so having powers of arrest attached is really important. Ultimately he was found guilty every time, we ended up with an 8 year restraining order and he was found guilty of assault against me in a criminal case as part of one of the breaches. Stalking like pp says also gets common but Palladin are amazing if you ever get to that stage. He was sectioned and diagnosed as having NPD (malignant) and sociopathy. These people are very dangerous to your mental and physical health.

The only way is to cut them from your life. It sounds like you have a really strong case, I would feel confident with your level of evidence.

I used Thackray Williams who have offices in South East London. They have a brilliant Family law team and I didn't have a partner represent me so fees were kept lower. They were exceptional.

I honestly wish you all the best. I know what it's like but you can do this and life the other side is the difference between darkness and technicolour. X

I'm so glad I reached out today and heard your story @KintsugiForever although so sorry you and your dc went through this nightmare. My son also regularly calls me his superhero it's beautiful. What a credit your lovely children are to you and yes when I'm wobbling I think I'm doing this for them.
My ex regularly threatened to have me sectioned - again all part of the projection and their inner fears of it's what he needs. They really are dark creatures I know. Can't wait for the technicolour rainbow.
Thank you so much for your lovely messages. Take very good care xx

You're welcome and I wish you strength and happiness....you can do this. Always message me if you need any more handholding 😊 x

@KintsugiForever that means a lot thank you so much. Hope you're having a lovely eve. Relaxing with my son thinking how life will be soon with no black clouds xxxx