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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Intermittently feeling absolutely nothing towards my partner?!

11 replies

coconuthead · 20/11/2021 09:15

Hi there I need some advice on something I've been experiencing in my relationship.

I have periods of time where I suddenly feel absolutely nothing towards my partner. It actually at times verges on revulsion. I can look at him and feel nothing or he will physically turn me. It's almost like he's a stranger who I don't recognise.

It usually lasts a week or so and can be related to my hormones but can also happen at other times. It does go away and all is well again.

What is this and why is it happening? Is it my subconscious trying to tell me something? It's happening now and I just want to end the relationship and never see him again.

For context we've been together 3.5 years and I moved out a year ago because we broke up but have been back together for most of that time just living separately. We were due to move back in together in the next few months but right now in this moment I really, really don't want to. I know I love him even though I don't feel it right now but this is so unnerving.

OP posts:
CloseThePackWithAClickClack · 20/11/2021 09:19

After I’ve ovulated I feel like that - well not revulsion. But they don’t look as attractive to me as usual. I’m not fussed about snuggling etc. After my period I’m back to normal.

Asinglepringle · 20/11/2021 12:12

I had this OP. Started about 5 years into an 8 year relationship. Started off with just a slight bad feeling when I looked at him, for no real reason. This just happened more and more until the balance had completely turned from loving him completely to feeling revulsion and irritation with absolutely EVERYTHING he did and said! The final straw happened when I saw he was watching porn on his phone while he was sitting next to me on the sofa! I finished with him there and then. Trust your gut OP!

coconuthead · 20/11/2021 20:25

Oh noooooo...I wonder if it's the same thing and it's doomed!

OP posts:
Bananablossom · 20/11/2021 20:28

Could be perienopause if you're late thirties upwards?

I've had this too and it sucks.

HRT has helped!

Bananablossom · 20/11/2021 20:28

*peri menopause

CaMePlaitPas · 20/11/2021 20:30

The ick?! My absolute favourite Mumsnet Classic thread.

coconuthead · 20/11/2021 20:31

Oh no I hope it's not the Ick creeping in!

I'm 37 so could be peri I guess...

OP posts:
firsttimeclock · 20/11/2021 21:31

I felt like this with my ex, the repulsion got more and more intense until I couldn't stand to be in the same room as him. I hated him touching me and as soon as he walked in the room the thought "I can't stand you" popped automatically into my head.

By contrast, when I'm hormonal now, I get irritated with my DH but never to the point I just can't stand him. My baseline is "I love you but I'm finding you irritating this week" and then it clears.

But ultimately, I think as soon as you start posting or googling "is this relationship right" it's the start of the end. But I could be wrong.

Bananablossom · 20/11/2021 21:56

But ultimately, I think as soon as you start posting or googling "is this relationship right" it's the start of the end. But I could be wrong.

I've done my fair share of googling divorce lawyers etc over the past few years!

But for me, and this is obviously not true for everyone, the irritation subsided and now I positively love him again.

But everyone is different... Maybe keep a diary of moods etc to see if there's a pattern.

Obviously I'm not giving you advice to stay or go, just a little thought from my own experience!

coconuthead · 21/11/2021 21:53

Just coming back to this thread. I still feel it a few days on and I'm also wondering if there's underlying reasons for it and there could be. He has ED and it's cause by anxiety so I understand why he has it and willing to work through it because he's so lovely, kind and good with my daughter but I wonder if it's actually a deep down feeling about that? I haven't had good sex in a LONG time. Friends and family love him cause he is so lovely to me compared to my exes who were abusive but I can't say that all my needs are being met even though I love him.

OP posts:
coconuthead · 21/11/2021 21:58

I should also say they love him because he is a lovely person and we get on really well but I am wondering if the sex thing is bothering me more than I let on. I don't really want to leave him on the chance I can get better sex with someone else who could be horrible, abusive, a dick etc but I need sex and I need satisfying sex. Ugh

OP posts:
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