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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

age difference relationships

22 replies

noddyholder · 14/12/2007 19:16

A friend of mine has decided after much deliberation to move in with her partner of 3 yrs.they are a great couple both lovely people although I don't know him that well.She is 43 and he is 64 and he is not a particularly young 64 just a typical older man,whereas she is young and full of life and very social.They do love each other though but he has been trying to persuade her for yrs to move in and she didn't want to but now finances have forced the issue.Do any of you have any experience of this type of age gap?What are the pros and cons?

OP posts:

southeastastra · 14/12/2007 19:19

my sister is going out with a bloke who has about 10 year on to your 64! she's only 45ish. it's weird (imo)!

Santasmissyontheside · 14/12/2007 19:20

i am 23 on monday and my husband is 31

Original poster

noddyholder · 14/12/2007 19:23

santa that is not much of an age gap you are both so young

OP posts:

WeFrizYouaMerryChristmas · 14/12/2007 19:24

10 years between me and dh, no probs here.
Have a friend married to someone 20 years older, they get on great too. I think if you love someone it really doesn't matter. I think once your 25/30 upwards you know if something will work or not, and are more giving and taking of each other and have respect enough to understand if one wants to go out partying/the other one stay in.

southeastastra · 14/12/2007 19:31

there's 10 years between dp and me as well but my sister eww.

i always think of samantha in sex and the city and that blokes scraggy bum

Santasmissyontheside · 14/12/2007 19:34

lol noddy

shoshaliteupthetree · 14/12/2007 19:38

I'm 10 years older than DH, we have ben together11 years and married for 7.

jenk1 · 14/12/2007 20:03

ooh this is so surreal!!!!!

i was going to post about my friend.

she is mid thirties and has been asked out by a man 20 years older than her, she likes him and has known him for a while but is more worried about what people will say, i told her to go for it never mind what people say!!!!

poppy34 · 14/12/2007 20:12

my dh 14 years older - not bothered me or him at all . she should go for it

expatinscotland · 14/12/2007 20:14

Age is just a number.

If it works for her, and she's happy, good on her!

I know people wonder about my own husband and me, even though I'm only 6.5 years older, there are other differences which seem to be great to others, but not to us.

Original poster

noddyholder · 14/12/2007 22:04

thanks.She knows i have posted on here so am happy to show her these messages so any more experiences most welcome.

OP posts:

arionater · 14/12/2007 22:47

I am 27 and earlier this year started seeing, and fell quite hard for a man 20 years older than me. It was strange at first, and I was very nervous about it to start with and panicked for ages before we got together. Although we have unfortunately broken up since then, I don't think the age gap was a problem at all in itself, in fact I liked it (my mother has always said I need an older man!) and when I finally get over him I think I'll be much more open to older men in the future.

dragonstitcher · 17/12/2007 13:44

I am 38, DH is 59. Married at 28 and 49.

Pros - Experienced and responsible.
Cons - Treats me as an underling.

Original poster

noddyholder · 17/12/2007 15:16

Her partner has never been married and has always lived alone and is quite childish rather than experienced

OP posts:

InnAFull · 17/12/2007 15:31

Married DH when I was 18 and he was 35 (17 year gap). Still married 30 years later.

Pros: he already had a house and car and job when I married him and was sensible, mature and done all his single-boy stuff ready to settle down and be a husband/father.

Cons: definitely have always been the underling as Dragonstitcher says. I don't mind though, I am perfect Underling material.
Had to put up (when younger) with lots of 'it's weird' type comments, but those have died away since it's obviously stood the test of time and (sniff!) I no longer get mistaken for his daughter.

MerryAnnSinglemas · 17/12/2007 15:34

dh is 7 yrs younger than me !

CarmenerryChristmas · 17/12/2007 15:42

There is 11 years between me and dp and 12 between my mum and dad and tbh, recently this has been preying on my mind as recently the age difference has become a problem for my parents.
My mum is only 65, and a young one at that, she has plenty of life left in her and is not ready to wind down.
But my dad is 77 and although he is in good health, nature is slowing him down and he finds stuff that used to be easy quite difficult, he can't really drive anymore as his reaction time is slow. they live in the countryside so this is a big problem and means that he is dependent on her. He is fairly deaf now too and doesn't enjoy socialising like he used to.
And she does her best to cope but I can see a little bit of resentment creeping in. they are mad about each other but this period in their lives is definitely being affected by the age difference and as it is the same difference between dp and I, I do wonder about the future.

So tbh before I have always maintained that an age difference is no big deal, but now I think you need to be very realistic about how it can limit you as you both get older.

kittylouise · 17/12/2007 15:43

DP is 16 years old than me; I am in late 20s (not 30 yet, NOT!) and he is 45.

I can have a conversation with him - can't imagine blokes my age stringing a sentence together other than about football, going out on the lash, what car they drive etc.
He is also established in his career, and doesn't have any silly insecurities, is confident and knows his own strengths and weaknesses.

Can't really notice any cons at the moment, though it is at the back of my mind that when he wants to retire (which will be pretty soon as he will want to retire in his early 50s) I will just be getting into my stride career wise.

But mainly we get on extremely well and love each other immensely, he is my best friend as well as boyfriend

bealcain · 17/12/2007 15:48

there 11 between me and df, and we definately have our problems,, but doesn't everyone? some stem from him thinking he is superior because he's older, but most are just the everyday things, if they're happy it's fine who gives a shite about anyone else?

TheMuppetMistletoeMuggle · 17/12/2007 15:49

Theres 9yrs 8mths between me and my DP, and we get on great!

Original poster

noddyholder · 17/12/2007 15:50

thay are defintiely happy

OP posts:

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 17/12/2007 15:52

i have a good friend who dh is 21 years older
they are very happy - age no issue
she does not know i am posting so will not say more !

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