Feeling broken after being treated like sh*t

[icegeos]

There was a lot of emotional (and probably also physical) cheating and secrecy on his part, and he always made me feel like I wasn't good enough by criticising everything about me - personality, looks, skills, choice of career etc. 😔

The relationship has completely ruined my self-esteem and I feel ashamed that I tolerated his disrespect for as long as I did. It makes me feel really sad, almost to the point where I wonder if I'm depressed ...

How do I move on from feeling broken?

Your ex was a cruel abusive bully, none of his behaviour was your fault, not ending the relationship sooner is easier said than done isn't it, you're out of it now and that's the main thing, it might still be painful now thinking about it but over time it will be more of a bad distant memory, you will heal and move on in time. Take lots of time to re discover yourself, you can no one to hold you back any longer.

@samesign

Your ex was a cruel abusive bully, none of his behaviour was your fault, not ending the relationship sooner is easier said than done isn't it, you're out of it now and that's the main thing, it might still be painful now thinking about it but over time it will be more of a bad distant memory, you will heal and move on in time. Take lots of time to re discover yourself, you can no one to hold you back any longer.

Thanks for your reply 🙏

How long were you together? How old are you? All these things factor into your recovery time

@samesign

Your ex was a cruel abusive bully, none of his behaviour was your fault, not ending the relationship sooner is easier said than done isn't it, you're out of it now and that's the main thing, it might still be painful now thinking about it but over time it will be more of a bad distant memory, you will heal and move on in time. Take lots of time to re discover yourself, you can no one to hold you back any longer.

I completely agree with this.

You can't change the fact that you were with this abuser, but you can be glad and proud that you had the strength to get away.

You can also look at it that, in future, you won't be a victim again - you will recognise the signs of an abuser should you have the misfortune to encounter another.

@nocnoc

How long were you together? How old are you? All these things factor into your recovery time

We were together for 2.5 years and I'm now in my late twenties. Why does that factor into my recovery time?

As women, we so often blame ourselves for the shitty behaviour we receive from others. I do it too and it pisses me off! This man was obviously an asshole. That is on HIM nothing to do with you. It’s very easy, when you aren’t in the situation to say “just leave” but when you are there, it’s so much harder. I think you should be proud of yourself for getting out and try to do some work on your self care and living in the present. Don’t try to analyse WHY he behaved like he did (the answer is always because he bloody well chose to!) and concentrate on whatever small things in the present (a walk, a bath, a pedicure, whatever) that make you smile and bring you peace xx

OK. I recently, this week in fact, ended a very similar relationship.

I'm in my 40s and it's not the first relationship of this type I'm sad to say. The difference this time is that it's had no negative impact ony self esteem. I could see more clearly than ever that it is a fault on his part and not a reflection on me in any way!

Insecurity and a sense of inadequacy. He was insecure and felt inadequate. It shone through in everything he said abut himself, the way he engaged with others, the way he spoke to me. Everything.

This was a failing on his part, not yours. Try to see that

And yours was equally insecure and inadequate. Why else would he have behaved in the way he did?