Long story not so short ... I was in an abusive relationship for many years then I came to my senses and got out. It was more financial, emotional and psychological abuse from a man who showed little interest in me or our children. A covert narcissist I think. He seems to tick the boxes.
After divorcing him I got together with a guy who I’d known as a friend for many years.
He was aware of my past and we had a lot of shared history.
In contrast to ex H this man showered me with compliments and love, gave a huge boost to my self esteem and made life feel wonderful again.
The start of our relationship was very intense, we had a lot in common and still do and we enjoy being together and generally have lots of laughs and fun when we meet.
About 2 weeks into our relationship, though, he told me he had cheated regularly on his previous girlfriend with an ex who had dumped him 3 years prior.
This was of course a red flag for me but I chose to ignore it but be vigilant.
He said the reason he cheated was he had hoped to get back with her but since being with me he felt I am his soul mate and I felt the same about him.
We have a long distance relationship due to work. I’m about an hour’s drive away.
He has still kept in touch with the first ex through our relationship but has always been open about it. I haven’t wanted to meet her though as I didn’t see the need.
Although not too happy about him being in touch with her, I haven’t wanted to come across as jealous or possessive so haven’t made an issue of it.
I have always told him that I only want to be with him as long as he wants to be with me and if he was interested in anyone else I’d just let him go.I told him I certainly wouldn’t be fighting over him.
When I asked him, he said he doesn’t want to go back to his first ex as there were issues which would resurface.
Anyway I visited him the other day and curtains were drawn in his living room.( he never draws the curtains.. except if we have nookie on the sofa)
In the bathroom there was a candle at the side of the bath which wasn’t there last time.
He complained of a sore back and I suggested he take a hot bath to which he replied he hasn’t had a bath in ages.
There were 2 plates in the dishwasher, yet he told me he never uses it when on his own.
Finally, there was an empty beer bottle in the kitchen, but he only ever drinks tea when on his own.
My mum visited him for a cuppa the day before I arrived but he didn’t answer the door and his car was there.
He didn’t text me goodnight that night as he usually does. He told me he had fallen asleep.
Am I right to have concerns or is my past making me have trust issues ?
Either way, it’s not a pleasant feeling and I’m thinking I should just perhaps be single and get a dog instead for less hassle and heartache.
To discuss with him or just dump or try to get more evidence? ( or is this a waste of time and energy?)
We had great plans for the future.