Co-Parenting

[Divorced2kids]

Not sure if this is the right place to post so please move.

I’m honestly struggling with this and need advice. My ex and I have been fairly amicable and have two children which we co-parent 50:50. The relationship ended after lockdown - no abuse or anything just incredibly difficult being trapped together.

This week my ex just said they aren’t coming - no discussion or anything. Just they ‘Don’t want to’ and they’ve kept them.

I’ve tried to find out why but they just say ‘they wont tell but they just say they won’t come’. I’m happy to fight for my children through every court in the land if needs be as I won’t be an absent parent as I adore my children. They have everything at mine - bedrooms; clothes; toys etc. They are 5 and 6.

Any advice/help please.

O that's tricky! That's also not very fair. Is it the children that don't want to come or is it the parent that doesn't want to return them? You have an agreement and your ex needs to respect that. There should at least be an explanation. He should also be encouraging the children to return to you.
You really want to keep put of court if you can. Do you have a parenting agreement?

No we haven’t got anything official as we’ve always been amicable and got on.

You need to find a mediator and invite your ex to mediation as due to your children's ages they absolutely should not be given the choice in making the decision not to see you.

In mediation you want to work out a Parenting Plan with your ex.

Useful links -
www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/divorce-and-separation/parenting-together/parenting-plan/

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/contact/

If your ex refuses to attend mediation or your ex agrees to mediation but it isn't progressing at a reasonable pace e.g. not getting anywhere after 3 sessions, sessions arranged at monthly intervals, then get the mediator to sign of you C100 form if you are in England and Wales.

Then make your court application - there is a massive backlog - it costs £232

I forgot to add as you have had 50/50 contact you need to act fast in trying to resolve this otherwise you will damage your relationship with your children.

This is insane and totally not on. Has something specific happened?

Thank you. Absolutely nothing has happened as far as I know. Just ‘they dont want to come’ and then nothing else. Ive face timed and the kids are fine. Ive asked them why they dont want to come and all they’ll say is ‘we’re staying here’.

As a co-parent myself, two things occur to me:

First, is your ex in what was the family home? It might be they’re attaching to the security of that.

Second, no matter how amicable the split this is going to be hugely unsettling to the kids. They can come through it, however expect their behaviour to be destabilised for a while. It might be this is a way of them dealing with it. Mine alternated between ignoring myself and my ex when we first started doing good night video calls when we split. It was a way, I think, if them taking out their resentment or testing our love for them.

Either way, agree your ex should be trying to facilitate a solution rather than enabling it. Mediation might be best if they won’t willingly agree to meet and discuss.

Thank you no he isnt in the former family home. We both have new houses.

He is using the dc. At their ages surely they do as they are told?