NC with family members - do they manipulate your teens?

[Fl0w3ry]

Hi,
We are NC with some very narcissistic family members. They are very good at manipulating people and so people who aren’t their target scapegoat think that they are great. However, their targets get boiled slowly and constantly devalued and hurt, but in a deniable way if there is an audience, and in a cruel direct way if you are alone with them. The story is long and complicated and not really the point of the thread.
We have gone NC because these people were making us slowly lose our minds. We have young children at the moment. The family members we are NC with were never really interested in us, but our children were like a new supply for them and they wanted to get to them at the exclusion of us.
If you have been through something similar how did things work out for you when your children were/are young teens/adults?. I am scared that these people will get in touch with our children in the future over our heads and either make up lies to manipulate them or turn them against us. They have no sense of peoples boundaries and zero respect for others opinions (unless they are lovebombing someone)They also have form for buying teens with objects and allowing children to go against their parents rules to manipulate away other family members children. It hasn’t gone well. The teens/young adults think it is great because they can eat, drink and do what they like. But their lives are wasted away unemployed, playing computer games and overweight etc. Do your children when they grow up stay away from the estranged family members too? Or does curiosity get the better of them and they end up sucked into the vipers nest anyway?
Thank you in advance if you choose to share your outcome with me.

We are NC with some family too and our DC are young so I am in the same position. I am scared that when our DC are old enough for social media that they will be contacted. I just hope that being (age appropriately) honest with our DC and then trusting their judgement to make a decision for themselves when they are old enough is ok but the thought is worrying :-(

We are so low, it may as well be NC with DH's sister, she wrote to DS when he was 18 and said that they were looking forward to getting to know "Joe" the man, he looked at the letter, snorted and said you should have started with the child you stupid bitch. So they do see through them.

@Sproglette - that is exactly how I feel. I absolutely hate social media for this reason.

After going nc with my dm she did indeed try and suck teen dd into her ways. She wrote letters to dd's friend's address. Dd told me and I left her a seriously worded voicemail... She stopped trying to contact dd. Been best part of 20 years now. As adults dc haven't contacted her..

@FinallyFluid - that is a very reassuring story, thank you for sharing.

@Santaischeckinglists - it makes me feel sick the thought of the NC relatives contacting my kids. It’s good that your DD was honest with you about it all. With my estranged relatives I think they would laugh if I told them to back off in the future. They threatened to contact my DC in the future to “set them straight” at the point of estrangement.

I literally posted a thread line this the other day, I’m NC with my sister and she is desperate to get to my kids, she sends Xmas and birthday presents to them despite the fact we’ve not spoken in 2 years, I had to stop all contact with her because what she did involves my kids so she isn’t allowed contact with them either. My mum has said that when my kids get older she will contact them and turn them against me! And with the internet it’s so much easier to contact people so it’s something that concerns me, she turned up at my house on my sons birthday (we didn’t answer the door) I know she will try to reach out to them when they are older but they are fully aware of what she did so I will be very surprised if they want anything to do with her but like I said my mums convinced they will 🙄

Mil tried with DD
I told her if she did it again I would block her number on DDs phone
She hasn’t

MIL tried with DD (now an adult). She does actually have contact with DH (ongoing situation for nearly 20 years), but occasionally sends letters to DD (always with a gift card!).

When DD approached 18, MIL mentioned it to DH and then in the next breath said something about "maybe she'll come and see me" as if we had her locked up in a tower or something.

It hasn't happened. DD knows enough of what MIL has done over the years (and yes, I know it's entirely from our narrative) to know what she's like and has her firmly blocked on all social media.

@TurnUpTurnip - that must be really frustrating that she still sends the presents. With relatives that cause problems it’s like when you put a stop to them hurting you, they try and hurt you through your children instead. It’s like a never ending cycle of pain.
@Hoppinggreen - I am glad that worked for you. How long has she been NC with you and your DD?
@RaptorInaPorkPieHat - That’s good to hear that you MIL didn’t manipulate your DD. Are the rest of your partners family understanding of the situation? The problem we have is that the rest of the family are made up of golden children, enablers, flying monkeys and narcissists in training. It’s toxic to its core. It feels like holding off a toxic oil slick!