Bit of background. Fiancé and I have been together for 9 years, got together in late teens and been through a lot together. Our wedding is booked for late March and is his dream wedding.
On Sunday, we had to attend church due to not being a member of the parish in the church we are getting married in. His mum came with us as she wanted to see it and meet the vicar. Afterwards we went for coffee and she was very excited, talking non stop about wedding plans.
That afternoon my fiancé and I took our dog for a walk and he just broke down. He said that it feels like we’re doing everything to make other people happy and it doesn’t feel right. He said that he feels like he won’t be able to keep up with me and that he will end up as one of these men who is below his wife all the time. Ever since it looks like he has had some sort of breakdown. He has spent as much time as he can in bed, he won’t respond to calls/msgs from his friends and family. He wants me to cuddle him non stop and shakes if I leave him alone, I’ve never seen him like this. I know it was wrong but it crossed my mind that he’d met someone else, so I went through his phone and found messages to his brother where he was counting down the days to the wedding, asking him if he needed any help with his speech etc, sounded really excited. I found zero evidence of him having his head turned.
A few important things that has happened recently. First, our wedding is absolutely huge, it is extremely lavish and our families have very kindly help pay/plan it. It’s his dream venue and he has been very involved in the plans, so I don’t feel that anyone has taken over at all, although the whole thing is what I would call very grand. Second, he has a very demanding job and has pretty much not had a day off in 6 weeks, most of it abroad. When he is away he is expected to represent the company 24/7 and is surrounded by people, he isn’t the most social of people so I knew he would struggle this month. On top of that we have had lots of wedding things to do (meet caterers, florists, church etc). Third, my company, that I started from scratch, has just taken a stratospheric upturn resulting in an additional turnover of 7 figures and international recognition, it has meant that I am now very busy in meetings, visits etc.
He said that he would be happy if we just ran away the two of us and got married in a small secret ceremony. Then he asked if we should postpone, then he changed his mind and said we’d keep on with our plans as normal, he is just all over the place. He messaged me tonight to say that he is broke but is trying to fix himself.
Does it sound like he is having cold feet? Or a breakdown? Or something else? I don’t know what to do. The wedding is paid for and planned, if we cancel we lose a huge sum of money, but I don’t want to put any pressure on him, although I do feel he will kick himself if he doesn’t get the wedding of his dream and this is all down to a depressive episode.
Sorry for the long post, if you got this far any advice would be greatly received, at a loss on what to do, I am hurt too with him having doubts, but want to support him.