What does 'immaturity' mean to you?

[Lightstoobright]

Recently broke up with someone, in part because I found his friends incredibly immature. Like getting so drunk that they piss themselves or are sick. Grown men in their thirties. They don't seem to learn their limits and they just do it again and again as if on purpose.

I want to explain why I find this behaviour so objectionable but I'm struggling. I think it's something to do with a lack of self-awareness and self-control, but why is that inherently a bad thing? My ex seems to think being immature is a virtue He's said "I don't want to ever grow up!" as if it's some kind of beautiful innocent state of being.

Can anyone help me out? Why do I hate this kind of behaviour? It's not like I'm a boring sensible grown up. I can be silly, fun and childish too.

I think that, for me, there is a point at which things like accountability, awareness of long term ramifications and concern for others should be engrained in an adult’s psyche. If they aren’t, they aren’t ‘done’, and I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with them.

So, it’s not about enjoying a bit of silliness and childlike wonder (those are wonderful things), it’s about the ability to see the big picture, be reflective as opposed to reflexive, and function like an adult. Children can’t do those things, and one wouldn’t expect them to, they are what I think of as ‘maturity’.

Petulance.

Actually I think @MooncakeandAvocato has it spot on. Its not being accountable for yourself, and you're own actions.

Oh damn *your

You are making it more complicated than it needs to be

They know how to act like aa grown up they are closing not to.
It's not your job to say mother.

Defensive. No capacity to self-reflect and become more self-aware. Passive aggressive. Lacking resilience (de-railed by every minor hitch).

That's letting your hair down but I guess immaturity is pushing the boundaries, being selfish and not taking any responsibility for themselves or others.

Example being an ex of mine (embarrassed of him now) but he'd often get pissed during the week, phone up work the next day and not go in due to a hangover, letting down others he worked with, often just quit work just because he didn't like it anymore, often couldn't pay rent and would be kicked out for not paying or generally being a nuisance, spend his time off work gaming! fortunately no kids and I didn't live with him.
That I think is a good example of an immature 30 something man!
Ah that felt better lol

At what point does 'letting one's hair down' become immaturity though?
If someone got so drunk they accidentally pissed themselves one time then that's probably understandable. But what if you do it frequently and almost on purpose? I figure they either haven't learnt their limits, or they know their limits but they purposely go beyond them? Not knowing your limits signals immaturity (like when you're 15 and get drunk). Going beyond your limits 'on purpose' also signals immaturity, but in a different way?

I still can't work out why I hate it. If it doesn't impact me then why do I not want to be around people like that? Am I being a snob for looking down on them for it?

@MooncakeandAvocato

I think that, for me, there is a point at which things like accountability, awareness of long term ramifications and concern for others should be engrained in an adult’s psyche. If they aren’t, they aren’t ‘done’, and I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with them.

So, it’s not about enjoying a bit of silliness and childlike wonder (those are wonderful things), it’s about the ability to see the big picture, be reflective as opposed to reflexive, and function like an adult. Children can’t do those things, and one wouldn’t expect them to, they are what I think of as ‘maturity’.

This makes a lot of sense.

@samesign

That's letting your hair down but I guess immaturity is pushing the boundaries, being selfish and not taking any responsibility for themselves or others.

Example being an ex of mine (embarrassed of him now) but he'd often get pissed during the week, phone up work the next day and not go in due to a hangover, letting down others he worked with, often just quit work just because he didn't like it anymore, often couldn't pay rent and would be kicked out for not paying or generally being a nuisance, spend his time off work gaming! fortunately no kids and I didn't live with him.
That I think is a good example of an immature 30 something man!
Ah that felt better lol

I guess I didn't read this properly. Definitely the thing about being selfish, not taking responsibility for yourselves and others rings true.

Personally, I want to be with people whose characteristics and traits I admire. Kindness, honesty, reliability, ambition. Their kindness and reliability as they love through the world and interact with other people doesn’t directly impact on me, but I think they are good things. So, I want to be around those people.

Extreme flip side, if someone robbed a bank/embezzled money from their work, this would be a negative act that didn’t directly impact on me. I still wouldn’t want to be around them, because I wouldn’t consider them to be a good person.

I find it interesting that you’d use a term like ‘snob’ to describe choosing not to be around people whose behaviour you dislike. Is this a term your ex used to describe it? Are you generally given to self doubt?

Not ‘immaturity’ IMO: an alcohol (binge drinking or worse) problem.

It definitely puts me off, I would never be with someone that prioritises getting drunk again.

Did you feel you ex rather went out with his mates getting drunk than to be with you?
When they're like this they don't want to settle down and there's nothing you or anyone can do with them, leave em to it.
At least you can now put it behind you and find someone with more maturity.