Should I be worried?

[mshasmanyquestions]

Hey, there! I need some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 months. Things are going great, we talk every day, have virtual dates and have become serious quite quickly.

A month after we met he had to move across the globe for his job. He’s lived there before and has a couple of friends there still. One of these friends is this girl…

They kept in touch while he wasn’t living there, talking on the phone a couple of times a month and now that he’s back she’s his closest friend there and they spend time together a couple of times a week.

This wouldn’t normally bother me, he’s a friendly guy who has quite a few girl friends, girls who I’ve actually met and have no worries about, they were all lovely and very supportive of us.

This girl, however, I have a bad feeling about. Although I haven’t met her, whenever he brings her up it makes me nauseous. She wasn’t happy to find out he was in a relationship saying she had some people in mind to set him up with (like who…herself?), she is always telling him how into European white guys she is (he is one) and last week she gave him a huge portrait she painted of him (she’s not even an artist!)!

He’s going out to dinner with her tonight and it makes my skin crawl, I don’t know what to do. I can’t ask him to stop seeing her, she’s one of his only friends there and seems to be close with her. Should I ask him if they have any history? Should I mention my concerns? Or should I just not even put that out into the universe?

My last relationship ended when I found out my ex was cheating on me with a girl he was gaslighting me about saying they’re just friends. Now I’m finding it hard to tell if it’s my own trauma making me feel this way or if my intuition is telling me something…

What do I do?? Help!!!

Where do you think the 'should's come from? Who makes the rules about what you ought to be doing in your relationship? Who sets the guidelines for the right thing to do?

How long is he going to be living away? Is it temporary and if if it isn't how are you planning on making it work long term? I think your instincts are probably right about this woman though, I wouldn't be comfortable at all with the situation. Not sure what you can do though

Have you actually met him as well as virtual dates?

@TheFoundations Well I'm just hoping people can help out with an opinion, I'm sure there's no right or wrong way to go about this :)

@AryaStarkWolf We've talked about the future, for now I have to be where I am for a couple of more years and he has to be where he is for at least another year, but we are both open to moving when the time is right... we've both been in long distance relationships before so we know it's doable, but it's so hard to deal with this sort of situation from a distance

@GlitterBiscuits Yeah, we went on holiday together, I met his family and friends... he was here for a month before he had to move away

Can you visit him there? If you met her it might set your mind at rest, or the opposite, to give you a better idea of what to do.

You’ve only known him in person for a short while, so it’s not like a long relationship where you already have trust established. I’d be pretty wary of too much trust in this situation if I were you!

I don't know why you waste your time waiting on a man in another country who's living his best life, going out to dinner with a female friend! I'm not surprised your anxiety is going through the roof, he collects a female friend wherever he travels and when he goes back he's got someone to be with. Yes I think your probably right that she wants him and he's never going to tell you that there is anything between them.
Wouldn't it be more fulfilling to find a relationship with someone near you that you can actually see?

This girl, however, I have a bad feeling about. Although I haven’t met her, whenever he brings her up it makes me nauseous. She wasn’t happy to find out he was in a relationship saying she had some people in mind to set him up with (like who…herself?), she is always telling him how into European white guys she is (he is one) and last week she gave him a huge portrait she painted of him (she’s not even an artist!)!

I'm having difficulty believing any woman anywhere in the world would say "I'm so into European white guys". Unless it was part of a romance scam.

All this stuff that he's told you about her sounds really suspect - like he's doing it as a form of negging.

If it's all true then it's madly obvious that she wants him. And he's encouraging her for an ego boost.

Sadly it's very easy for people in LDRs to lead a complete double life. I hope this isn't the case for you.

I mean it doesn't sound like something any woman would say. Obviously there are plenty of women who love and live with white European men! But it's very very unusual for white men to experience objectification like that from a woman.

OP - long distance relationships can work, but it’s really unlikely in the set up you have.
The only time I have seen long distance work was when people had a good solid relationship in real life for a duration of time, then became long distance for a defined period of time, and there was a plan for when they would be together again.
As you are - you barely know each other. Why put both of your lives on hold and struggle through the distance and lack of actual physical contact.
Life it too short.
And it’s unlikely not to last.
This girl, or another one would come along. You may meet someone nearby who is available. And it’ll fall apart.
Why go through this.

It really doesn't seem like it's worth the hassle. You've had no issue with any other female friend of his, until this one. I think id trust your gut on this one.
As for bringing it up with him, is that going to be worth it? Are you going to take his word when he tells you that there is nothing going on? Because he will.

I'm sure he is getting a kick out of the fact that you seem to be completely oblivious to the fact he is almost telling you that it is more than a friendship.

She was the you, in your position before you, and now they've picked up where you plan to be when you move closer together.
They were only in contact long distance before he moved closer to her. Just like you are right now before you plan on moving closer.

Agree @MMmomDD
It's sad to read that you want to put your life on hold in a relationship that isn't already long established.
Live your life, meet other men, if this guy really wanted a proper relationship and to settle with one person he wouldn't be travelling around the world, it's rather selfish of him to expect you to wait on him and foolish of you to trust him. Sorry op.