Can't cope with relationship. Have any mums left the family home?

[again2020]

I'm sick of my partner and the emotional abuse. We've been together 9 years and have almost 4 yo DD. Probably been unhappy for 2-3 years. You might recognise my username from previous posts.
Things don't get better, they get worse. He's never and probably will never get over me not giving him a 2nd child due to my MH health issues and him being unsupportive. He says he hates me, everyone hates me, I've ruined his life, I've done everything I wanted, I'm selfish, all I care about is my job (I work 3 days then look after DD the other 4 when he goes to football or gets drunk with friends). Barely a week goes by without him saying to me I should move out and go and live with 'my smackhead brother' (DB is an ex addict and partner doesn't speak to my family either).
I'm so stuck. DD adores her dad and would probably choose him over me. I do the almost all the housework, most of the childcare, get her things ready for school/dancing/swimming and take her to softplay, parties etc. He has a good job that pays for our house, that's all that matters apparently.
I've suggested counselling. He won't go as 'everything is my fault, so what's the point'. I've suggested we split, he won't leave or sell the house. He refuses and said he'll never leave.
So I'm seriously thinking of leaving the family home. I'm getting desperate. I've looked at 1/2 bed rentals round here and could afford them and have an ok lifestyle with maybe a little help from benefits.
I couldn't keep our home on my own anyway. People will say, pack his bags,chuck him out, but physically....how? He's 6 foot 2 and 16 stone, no one could chuck him out of anywhere 🙄
My parents know some of the situation and beg me to stay put as they gave us a huge deposit for the house (unfortunately unprotected) and don't want him keeping all the money tied up in the house and me leaving with nothing. But it is getting to the point now where I don't care about the money. I'd give them every spare penny I had to be free of him.
I don't know what to do anymore but I can't and won't live the rest of my life this way.
Terrified of loosing DD to him and the ILs, scared my parents will not speak to me and scared of partner quite frankly. I feel ashamed admitting this but I'm starting to I wish him dead so I know something has to change soon.

Has anyone left the family home? How? What was your relationship with your children afterwards?
Thank you x

I don't know about the legalities etc and housing situation but please don't leave without your daughter.
My mom sent us all to live with DF and his new girlfriend of 6 months when I was 4.

He's a fantastic dad and my step mom is incredible. Fortunately their relationship lasted, and she was willing to take us in in the first place. I'd have probably ended up in care if it hadn't.

My mom went missing for a year with her new boyfriend and when she came back pretended like nothing had ever happened.

My older brother and sister forgave her but it's damaged all of our mental health and has destroyed my relationship with her beyond repair - despite my efforts for the last 20 years.
A few months ago I finally gave up.

If you leave your dd your relationship with her will suffer and she will be traumatised. Sorry if that's blunt but you'd be leaving her with an abuser (he may not be abusive to her now but he will be).

I'm sorry if I'm missing something but why cant you see a solicitor and talk about what to do about the house and how to force a sale? It's clear you need to leave your relationship (I would suggest you take your dd with you), you may even need to move out but that doesnt mean you need loose the equity.

And to be clear, there is no way you'll lose your dd to him, you are her primary carer. You tell him he can see her eow and a night in the week, unless a more shared care arrangement suits you.

Please get some legal advice.

Contact womems aid they will be able to assist you to leave safely. Best of luck op.

It's not all up to him. You can go to court to force a sale if he won't sell. He doesn't sound like a man who wants to or is capable of caring for his child properly. Please don't leave her, she's 4, a one bedroom flat would be fine for the both of you while everything else is sorted out. I'm sure given his behaviour any preference for Dad would wear out pretty fast if he was the one parenting her 24/7.

My mum did similar to girlmoms above. I doubt she cares, but we're both NC with her now. Leave, but not without your DD. She doesn't need the family home, she needs her mum, she needs to be looked after by someone capable, she needs to go on having majority of her time with the person whose her primary carer. Nothing in your post says he's a great Dad. That's not going to suddenly change.