Child Protection Order… please help!

[Mollymolloy]

I divorced my ex husband over 6 years ago on the basis of domestic abuse. I have two daughters who are 18 and 16.

My ex husband has never really changed. My oldest daughter decided not to see her dad due to his behaviour several months ago. My youngest daughter was always a daddy’s girl and blamed me for the divorce. Once my elder daughter stopped seeing him, my ex husband started on my youngest.

My youngest daughter told a friend that she remembers her dad hitting her when she was about 9. There was one incident were he lost it with her and really hit her. My eldest daughter has mentioned it to me but, I didn’t realise that my youngest remembered it.

She also accused my ex partner (not her dad) of raping her. Social services have been alerted by my daughter’s school and they are getting a child protection order. They have said that both my daughters must stay with me and can’t see their dad.

I haven’t heard from my ex partner but, I am assuming that he has been contacted. My ex husband is on his way home from being away. He lives about 10mins from me. I assume that he too has been contacted. My youngest has been told that her dad cannot contact her.

My eldest and I knew nothing about the rape allegation and are both really shocked. Social services are in regular contact with my eldest and are getting her to sit a competency test.

I am absolutely devastated and know that I have completely failed my daughters. I don’t have any family but, friends have been really supportive.

Any advice welcome. I can’t think straight…

Sorry… social services are in regular contact with my youngest daughter and are getting her to do a competency test…

I’m wondering if you’re a little muddled with what has been said as there’s no such thing as a child protection order. Are they having a child protection conference? Also, they can’t have any input into what your eldest does as she is now an adult and does not fall in their remit. The only advice I would give is to ask them to explain their expectations of what you should do and their advice on how to help your daughter.

What country are you in OP?
That would help with the advice.

There are CPOs in Scotland.

We live in England. It is all a blur. They have said that as my eldest is 18, she isn’t affected. They have spoken to her and contacted her school. We are happy that she doesn’t have to have contact with her dad anymore. I am just really worried what is going to happen with the rape allegation.

Has she made a statement to the police? Because I can't see SS contacting your your ex partner unless they have as it will be hear say. My friend is going though some thing similar at the moment and the police still havnt contacted the offender because the daughter (16) won't make a statement.

At the moment child services are incompetent and I would not be expecting them to guide you through this.

I would set your dd up with counselling sessions so she can access real support.

The rape allegation is a police matter - not social services unless the ex is currently living with children.

The police will have specific procedures to guide you through but even still they have been incompetent too.

Many thanks for your advice..

Social services have contacted our GP and asked to arrange counselling for DD. They are supposed to be doing a ‘competency interview’ which I am not sure about. Any advice about getting counselling or shall I wait to hear from the GP?

I’d wait to hear from the GP first, there are guidelines about counselling while an investigation is ongoing which any counsellor will need to work within.

They won’t have got a child protection order because your daughter isn’t currently at risk as neither abuser lives with her. Does your youngest have SEN, a competency test is pretty unusual at her age, she’s be assumed competent unless there was evidence to the contrary.

Because she is under 18, the investigation will be joint between police and social work because social work need to consider any ongoing risk and welfare needs, and CP investigation legally rests with social work with the police investigating criminality.

I imagine you’re devastated, I’d look at counselling for you so you have some support through this.

There will be lots of meetings and conferences etc, you will feel like you're I. A whirlwind. What I would suggest is you get support too.

All you can do at this point is exactly what Ss tell you to. Their default is to remove the child from the environment (her dads in this case), and then work to understand what happened and how to protect and help the child. If her dad does want to maintain contact with her, Ss will facilitate this when it's appropriate. Contrary to popular belief Ss will try to keep the child in the family unit and work towards contact with both parents, but of course the child's welfare comes first.

Do the children have contact with this man? Did they prior to the disclosure?
It won't be a legal order it will be a plan. Either a child in need or a child protection plan. You'll be invited to the meeting and have a copy of the social worker's report beforehand.
They will only put them on a plan if the threshold for significant harm is met. If they are not having contact with this man then that is good. Don't panic about the process, just focus on your children.

Sorry, I’m a bit confused. Why can’t they see their Dad if it was your ex-partner she has accused of raping her (ie not her Dad as you said)?

Thank you very much for the advice. I have never had any dealings with social services or the police. It is a huge shock.

It was difficult to follow what the social worked said but, I gather that my ex-husband can’t contact my youngest. She was due to see him again next Friday. They know that my ex-husband is going to go mad.

I am just trying to keep it together for my children. I can’t believe that this is happening and that I got it so wrong.

This makes no sense. Who raped your child????

I divorced my ex-husband 6 years ago on the grounds of domestic abuse. I was with my ex-partner for 3 years after the divorce. He is the one that my daughter has accused of rape. We only really dated. He never moved in with us.

My youngest can’t see her dad as he started verbally abusing her and she remembers being hit by him. She went to a soft tissue therapist and it all came back to her. Hence, it has all come out now…

have u gone to the police with the allegation against ex partner?

@Cloudfrost

have u gone to the police with the allegation against ex partner?

I think the OP said the school have contacted the police/ children’s services regarding the rape.

A previous poster is correct, there is no such thing as a child protection order as such. A strategy meeting is held. Have you been invited to one yet? Then the decision is made whether to investigate under section 47. The outcome of this would be NFA (or third sector referral for support - a sexual assault/rape charity, Child in Need or Child Protection. With your youngest daughter being 16 I wouldn’t think it would go to CP if your previous partner is out of their lives and you agree that your ex husband (due to emotional and physical abuse) is to have no contact.

@Youknownothingsnow did she? i may have missed it, but to be honest i found it difficult to understand 100% what happened to whom and by whom.
bad reading comprehension day maybe haha

My youngest can’t see her dad as he started verbally abusing her and she remembers being hit by him.

I’d be very surprised at social services prohibiting contact on the grounds of historic physical abuse and verbal abuse tbh, especially given the age of your daughter. They might recommend but I can’t see them getting any kind of legal process on that basis alone - the threshold for prohibiting contact with parents is incredibly high, and usually would be after supervised contact has failed in some way. Given she’s 16, her views would need to be sought and given strong consideration - assuming no SEN, if she expressed a view that she wanted to see him, they’d need to work with that to some degree.

Thank you very much for the clarification. It has been such a shock and I am completely out of my depth.

Right now the focus is your daughter. Not anyone else - not you, not the ex husband or ex partner.

You must believe your daughter don’t make this about you - it’s about her.

So sorry you and your girls are going through this

Just engage with all everything offered to you and take up any counselling offered

Be there for your daughter , listen if she wants to talk , hug her if she just wants to be next to you , she is the priority