How can I stop being posessive

[Anuta77]

I don't know if this is the right section, but I didn't find a more appropriate one.

My husband has 2 exes (one he's known since teenagehood), another was a rebound right after the first and well, both didn't work out. Both women never accepted the separation and maintain a relationship with him (yes, they have kids) that is more close than what's needed for parenting (2 of the 3 are young adults).

Moreover, the young adults don't go to our house (we live 35 min away), so he visits them in the ex's house twice per week. So they all socialise, not only with the ex, but with her new partner as well and continue staying close. He gives them gifts on mother's day and birthday, they send each other messages, ask for small favors, share their trips, etc. It's not every day, so I can't argue that it's too much, but it's there.

Well, it bothers me. I feel excluded. The rare times we are in the same space with any of the ex, they start chatting with my husband like old friends that they are and our young child and that bothers me too. So of course, I've been accused of being posessive, which I admit I am, but it's a feeling that's there and it causes issues. Basically recently I had a fight with the ex, which means that I will no longer be invited to her house.

Soon there will be times when my son will be invited to the ex's house (ex for one of his brother's birthdays) and I know that my husband with my son will be socialising with the exes and their partners while I'll be home and I just can't accept this! How can I let it go?

Both women never accepted the separation and maintain a relationship with him

Waving a massive red flag if this is the story he’s told you. Or is this your version of events?

Sounds like the ex’s are behaving normally under the circumstances & are being kind to let your DH use their home as a way of hanging out with his children.

Bottom line, do you trust him?

Both women never accepted the separation and maintain a relationship with him

Oh cmon now, what’s he got a solid gold mink covered dick? 😂

@GroovesintheHeart

Both women never accepted the separation and maintain a relationship with him

Waving a massive red flag if this is the story he’s told you. Or is this your version of events?

Sounds like the ex’s are behaving normally under the circumstances & are being kind to let your DH use their home as a way of hanging out with his children.

Bottom line, do you trust him?

This. This version of the events don’t make sense. Neither of his exes accepted the separation, but they’re both happy to host him and his new girlfriend in their houses? He’s talking out of his arse.

They have accepted the separation as they've moved on to other partners, I think this is just your thinking. They share children so it's nice that can all still be civil and this is more likely because there isn't any bitter feelings between them that they are able to be like this.
He had a family before you and you have to accept he will always be part of their lives, would it be better if he invited his children over to yours more?

Is the issue here that the young adults/children (how old are they?) don't ever visit your DH and you in your house? Why don't they, and can't you change this? That should help you feel less excluded as currently you're always the guest rather than the host. Also, your DH should be ensuring you are included in conversations, as his wife, when you are all hanging out together - that is on him, to ensure you do not feel excluded from in-jokes, memory lane etc.

I think it seems that it’s you with the issue? They all seem civil and have moved on?

Both women never accepted the separation and maintain a relationship with him

Except they have accepted the separation and moved on. They aren't with him anymore. It sounds like they are with other people. The 'relationship' they have with him is a friendly, civil one as they share kids.

It sounds like you maybe think that someone is only over an ex if they can only cope with a sort of steely silence at best rather than genuinely getting on with each other still?

Isn't it better for the kids involved (whether they are now adults or not) to see their parents being friendly and nice to each other?

If you're naturally someone possessive, which it sounds like you accept you are, then getting together with someone who has two exes he shares kids with sounds like it might have been a silly thing to do to be honest.