My partner and I have been together for over a year now. We both have a child each to our ex’s. Him and his ex wife don’t get on, she’s really horrible towards him and throughout our relationship, she has been a problem. When she is in a relationship, things go smoothly (well she has no problems with me) but when she’s single again, she stops him seeing his DD and says it’s because he’s in a relationship with me. Obviously he always put his DD first, and even though this really upsets us both, it is totally the right thing to do. However, that all seems to have settled over the last couple of months since she has a new place and a new bf. And also my partner has mentioned going legal if she does it again. She will lose too much money if they go through the courts.
Anyway, the issue I’m struggling with now is, the financial situation between them. Behind closed doors he’s adamant he’s not going legal as he doesn’t want to drag his DD through court. She’s 7 and I read somewhere they don’t attend anything until the age of 10?? I don’t know how true this is, so I have to respect his decision and have dropped the whole thing now, (admittedly it’s taken me sometime to accept this) but back to what’s causing an issue now.
He gave her all the profit from the sale of their house (over £10k) he gives her more than he needs to for child maintenance (based on CMS calculations) and he also gives her money (we’re talking hundreds) to put in a trust fund for their DD. BUT she is apparently putting it into a Go Henry account (which can be accessed anytime) and he has no proof this is actually happening. When I’ve suggested he puts it into a trust fund for DD himself, he says he’s already doing so and if his ex isn’t saving it (I think she’s spending it) then that’s on her when their DD turns 18. But I think that could all be avoided if he puts it in a trust fund himself??? His response was “I’m giving it to her and that’s it, I’m not going to stop doing that, it’s the right thing to do”
While I know it’s his money and I again have to respect his decision, I’m hurt that he’s not even considering my idea and feel like my nose has been pushed out. I feel like no matter what, his ex holds all the cards because she knows his weakness is their DD and anytime she wants her way, she threatens him with her. He’s promised if she uses their DD again, he will have no choice but to go legal. But if he doesn’t I can’t be mad at him for choosing his DD. But that doesn’t help me when me and my DD are left alone again.
Do I let it go or stand my ground. The only problem is if I continue to voice my concerns, we will end up splitting up and I really don’t want that. But I’m worried this is how our relationship will be, when it comes to his DD and ex, it’s HIS decision and I will HAVE to accept it.
When he’s voiced his concerns about my ex, I’ve always met him in the middle with things. I guess I just expect the same back, or AIBU?